


Fighting Chance

by Dawn_twilight



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Danny Whump, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Illness, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, New Relationship, Steve comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-18 18:16:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 64,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9397250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawn_twilight/pseuds/Dawn_twilight
Summary: Danny couldn’t say what had finally brought them completely together…there were no life or death situations, no existential crisis’, at least not on his part, and no sudden freak outs…just…somewhere along the way, he had developed deep and personal feelings for his very male, work partner and boss…and the best friend he had ever known.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say...I can't help myself from hurting Danny.

H50H50H50

Danny stood shin deep, wearing his ridiculous hip waders, in the warm water flats of Kaneohe Bay, casting out his line and reeling it back in.

He and Steve had been at it all morning, but so far, all Danny had managed to catch, were some clumps of sand and other underwater detritus. 

Steve, on the other hand, who stood about twenty feet from him and in deeper water, had bagged two nice sized bonefish…yes, he said bonefish…and looked to be reeling in his third, hopefully enough for dinner tonight and breakfast tomorrow…or, at least that’s what Steve had wanted. 

Danny would be happy with the hot dogs and buns they had packed and the eggs and bacon for the morning, because, come on…bacon.

“Ya, know,” Steve said, tossing his latest catch into the weaved basket, that floated in the water nearby, tied off to a stick stuck into the sand, Steve had found on the banks, “you might actually catch something if you moved a little deeper into the water and worked on your casting technique.”

Danny nodded, tossing out his line again, hearing the high pitch whine as the line uncoiled from the reel. “I suppose I could…but I’ve already caught what I really want.”

And okay, that was a sappy thing to say, but the pleased smirk on Steve’s face was worth any and all goofiness on his part.

This thing with Steve was so new…well, not all of it…they had been partners in almost every sense of the word for the better part of four years, but certain more intimate aspects had only been explored in the last few weeks.

Danny couldn’t say what had finally brought them completely together…there were no life or death situations, no existential crisis’, at least not on his part, and no sudden freak outs…just…somewhere along the way, he had developed deep and personal feelings for his very male, work partner and boss…and best friend…the best friend he had ever known, someone who always had his back, who deeply cared about even the little things in Danny’s life.

Who always, always helped in any way he could…from sharing his free time with Danny and his kids, to tagging along to the zoo or the beach, building sand castles and tossing the kids around in the surf, to offering to help Grace with her homework and school projects or building an epic Lego space station with Charlie, to just coming over when Danny was sans children and helping to cook a meal, bringing a six pack of Long Boards and a rented movie to occupy Danny when his children spent their shared time with Rachel.

So, really, it hadn’t been very hard on that Saturday evening, a few weeks ago, when Steve had been inspecting Grace’s first place ribbon for her project and presentation on Heat Convection, and yes, Danny had helped too…a little, to lean forward, placing one hand on Steve’s back, the other on the side of Steve’s neck and pulled him in.

He had watched Steve, to see if he would need to quickly divert to a hug, but when Steve had tilted his head and closed his eyes, Danny had had all the permission he had needed, so he closed the distance between them, went up onto his toes and gently kissed his partner and friend. 

Steve had yanked him even closer then, pressing his body fully into him and deepened that first kiss, had parted his lips and glided his tongue along Danny’s lips, had nibbled and teased until Danny had opened his mouth and from that point on…there was no going back to just being work partners and the best of friends.

Now, Steve walked closer to him, the waters of the flats swishing around his boots and waders and pulled Danny in, leaning down to capture Danny’s lips and that right there…that would never, ever, get old. 

That night, a few weeks before, they had kissed and touched, explored each other’s bodies with fingers and lips and teeth and at some point, while Danny had had his shorts and underwear around his knees and Steve’s very talented mouth on his cock, Steve had glanced up at him, his mouth popping off Danny’s dick with a lewd slurp, tongue swirling around the head and sliding into the slit, before grinning like a loon and husking out, “it’s about damn time, Danno…I’ve been wooing you for years now.”

Now, Danny chuckled with the memory, breaking the heating kiss and Steve pulled back, giving him a look like maybe he was losing his mind, and asked, “what’s so funny?”

“Wooed,” was all Danny could get out and Steve actually punched him on the shoulder, but the subsequent rub and pat took away the sting and then Danny was hauled in again and thoroughly kissed, all teeth and roving tongue and he dropped his rod, but he didn’t care.

Steve managed to scoop it up, when he had worked his mouth lower, bending to his knees and for a brief, horrifying, yet exciting second, Danny had thought that he might just be getting a blow job right there and then, but Steve just grabbed the rod and dotted a few kisses to his belly, before standing back up and taking his hand, pulling him along and farther into deeper water. 

Steve planted his rod in a hoop in the basket, for just such purposes and handed Danny’s his again, stepping around to his side, taking Danny’s hand and arm, helping him to cast his line.

The handmade, tied fly sailed through the air, landing a good ten feet farther than Danny had managed on his own and then Steve slid around behind him, hands caressing his hips, his chin resting on Danny’s shoulder as he began to slowly reel the line back in.

If he hadn’t already been half hard from Steve’s mouth being in the proximity of his junk, just moments ago, those hands on his hips would have done it for him.

As it was, now, he was heading for a full erection and the more Steve moved his hands on his body, pressed his chest into Danny’s back and breathed hot, moist, air over his cheek and ear, the more Danny’s cock stood in need of attention.

He glanced around, because as far as he could see, he and Steve were the only ones out at this spot today and since it was a week day, he had hoped that that would be the case. 

They had only arrived this morning, Steve had rented a camp spot and loaded up the gear, including a two-man tent and their rods.

After arriving, he had set up the camp site and tent, had stowed their supplies, as Danny nibbled on his fast food breakfast sandwich, that Steve had stopped and got for him, before entering the park.

He was shit when it came to camping and after the disastrous Aloha girl’s fiasco, in which he got shot…yet again…he had vowed to never brave the great outdoors with a sleeping bag and tent again, but Steve obviously had had other plans…a do over of sorts, for both their aborted deep water fishing attempt and trying to share his love of camping and being outdoors in general.

Steve’s hands inched around his sides now, coming to rest over the button of his jeans and Danny drew in a quick breath, because, yes, he wanted what Steve was obviously thinking of doing. 

That, and so much more, which would hopefully come to fruition on this trip.

Steve had told him weeks ago, that he had been attracted too and slept with men before, but Danny was still pretty new to man on man love and had only ever fooled around a little in his younger years.

Then, last week, Steve had asked Danny to fuck him and it was incredibly hot and fucking awesome…the smells and the sounds, the little aborted noises Steve had made…just thinking of it now caused his dick to twitch and he could feel Steve’s chuckle reverberate through his back and settle somewhere in the vicinity of his heart.

Since then, Steve hadn’t pressured him, had only asked if he had ever done it before and when he shook his head, told him, _no pressure, Danno…when you’re ready, I’ll be here,_ and of course, of course that had been all that Danny’d been able to think about for the last, excruciatingly slow, work days.

They both had lots of time off saved up and since it had been fairly quiet on the work front, Steve had breezed into his office on Friday announcing that they were taking off three days and then wouldn’t tell him what his plans for said mini vacation were, but Danny had hoped it would be involving lots of sex and now, it looked like he wasn’t going to be disappointed.

Steve’s fingers nimbly undid his button, pulled down his zipper and slid his fingers into Danny’s jeans, using the palm of his hand to press at the base of Danny’s dick, before pushing at his jeans so that they hung low around his hips and his cock popped out, for all the world…or maybe just some fish to see.

Steve stroked him gently, his fingers a loose circle around Danny’s cock, but Danny didn’t urge, tried to stay still and patient, because when he had in the past, the rewards were well worth waiting for.

Over the past weekend, Steve had been taking the time to pay more attention to Danny’s ass then before…he’d kissed and nibbled it more often, squeezed it in both hands every chance he got and last night, after he had watched Steve pack a small draw string bag with lube and a whole box of condoms, they had ended up making out on the couch.

Once the petting had turned heavy and clothes were being taken off and tossed, Danny had tried to get his hand on Steve’s cock…wanted so badly to suck him off, taste him, feel Steve flood his mouth and swallow until he was dry, but Steve had just bodily flipped him over and bit down hard on his ass, then had lathed his tongue over the tender bite and Danny couldn’t remember his cock being so hard before and then…that talented tongue had moved down the crevice between his cheeks and gentle fingers had drawn them apart, waiting to see if Danny would want to pull away, but he didn’t, he couldn’t, because he was so fucking turned on…he had thought that he might come just by Steve’s gentle touches alone.

So, of course, he couldn’t muffle the breathy, squeal that escaped his throat when Steve had leaned forward again, mouth brushing over Danny’s puckered hole and forget about the nonsense he had sprouted when Steve had licked him slowly, tongue swirling around his opening before gently pressing in. 

Even now, he remembered the feel of his hips bucking, trying to get more of Steve’s tongue in him, while pressing his dick into the couch cushions below, and before long he was coming, shouting Steve’s name while Steve darted his tongue in and out, in and out, working him through the most forceful orgasm he had ever had.

He may have had even blacked out, because the next thing he had known, Steve had had a single finger in his ass hole, running it in circles, pressing in now and again, until he hit Danny’s prostate, which had made Danny pant and squirm, had made Danny beg Steve not to stop.

And if a tongue and finger could feel so good, bring so much pleasure, Danny couldn’t wait until Steve would bury his cock into him, up to the hilt, flesh slapping flesh and his balls and cock bouncing with each thrust, Steve’s bruising grip on his hips…

He moaned, throwing his head back to rest on Steve’s shoulder in the here and now, panting as Steve’s grip tightened and his wrist twisted and flicked when he got to the head of Danny’s dick, but the pace was maddening slow and Danny jerked his hips, pressing into Steve’s hand and then back to feel the bulge of Steve’s cock at his lower back, “please, babe, please, please, please…”

Steve’s hand moved a little faster, and he was close, so close, but then the rod in his hand jerked forward, almost pulling him with it.

Steve grabbed his waist and held him steady, telling him, “reel it in, Danno…reel it in.”

Danny shook his head, because hello, hand on cock was better than fish in frying pan, but Steve grabbed his dick again, whispering low in his ear, “reel it in, baby…I got you.”

Danny felt Steve’s fingers tighten on him again as he got both hands onto his rod and started to slowly turn the spool.

Steve’s hand squeezing and tugging harder as he worked to bring in the line with a bonefish.

He wouldn’t be able to explain how he felt right then, Steve’s big hand working his cock hard and fast, while he tugged and yanked on the rod, reeling in the fish…

It was surreal…

…wrangling his first fish while Steve jerked him off…and if fishing were always going to be this enjoyable, he vowed to go every chance they got.

Soon, the fish was within five feet of them, flopping on the line, trying to get away, and Danny felt the tugging of the rod, and the tugging of his cock, quicken…panted harsh breaths as a familiar pressure built low in his belly, exploding and flowing downward through his hips and groin as Steve’s hand jacked him faster, harder, longer and told him, “now, baby.”

Two things had happened then.

Danny yanked the line, pulling the nice sized bonefish from the water and Steve yanked his dick one final time, and Danny was coming and coming and coming, his cock pulsing in Steve’s skilled hand…three, four, five times…the creamy flow spurting between Steve’s working fingers and into the water between his feet.

Steve let go of him then, reaching for the line and the writhing fish as Danny leaned back against the solid weight of Steve’s chest and tried to breathe again.

By some unknown means, Steve had shifted Danny to his side, wrapping one steadying arm around him and opening the basket with his other hand, tossing the fish in and somehow unhooking the lure one handed, sticking Danny’s rod in the other hoop and then turned back to Danny, pulling him into his chest, kissing his jaw and nibbling at his lower lip, asking, “you okay, Danno?”

“Un hmm,” was about all he could manage.

What could be say, good sex addled his brain and was a sure-fire way to shut him up, which he worried Steve had already figured out.

“Okay, then,” Steve laughed, using both hands now to steady Danny on his feet, then tucking him back in and zipping his jeans, not bothering with the button. “Let call it a day. It’ll take a bit to get to the canoe and back to camp.”

Steve grabbed up the rods and basket, pulling it along in the water toward the shore and the waiting canoe. 

The camp site was a short paddle over the east flats and to a thinner channel that ended in a little outlet where they had set up for the next three days.

Danny started to follow, feet suddenly slipping out from under him. 

One foot had hit a slick something along the bottom of the flats and the other a rocky surface.

He had ended up doing a very ungraceful split in the water, twisting his bad knee on his way down.

He gasped and maybe hollered, “fuck!” before hitting the water, going completely under and sputtering on his way back up.

Steve was running toward him, fish forgotten, reaching down with incredible strength to pull him up under both arms and to his feet, raising both hands to Danny’s shoulders to steady him.

When he finally looked up, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes, Steve’s face was a weird mixture of concern and humor. 

Danny was wet…all over, the waders doing fuck all to stop the water from slushing in over the tops of them, his flannel shirt sticking to his chest and his hair…his hair was surely sticking up all over the place, but he couldn’t help the small smile that broke across his face and the little chuckle that had fallen from his lips.

Then Steve was laughing too, and not a little, _ha ha, you tripped over your own feet_ , but a deep belly laugh, bent slightly at his waist, trying to catch his breath and talk at the same time. 

Finally, he wheezed, “are you okay, Danno?”

Danny sighed, saying, “just peachy…now go get our dinner before it floats off, I’m okay.”

Steve gave him a once over, eyes roaming from wet head, to his soggy jeans, to his shins and the wetness he stood in before turning and splashing through the water to grab up their rods, hooking the basket.

Steve made a point to watch Danny as he started to make his way toward the shore line again, this time he carefully looked at the water and picked his way through the coral and rockier bottom nearer the shore.

Steve got to the canoe first, securing the rods in a bracket made to hold them and fastening the basket to the back, so that the fish would still be in the water until they were ready to eat them.

As he made his way closer, tiny twinges of pain skirted his right hip and knee and his groin felt a little tender.

He winced when he swung his leg up and into the canoe and Steve’s head had shot up to look at him.

“I ah…I sorta twisted my knee and maybe my hip, but I’m okay,” he assured.

Steve moved around the canoe, looked like he might just demand that Danny drop trousers and show him his hurts right now, but in the end, he only ran his hand along Danny’s bad knee, looking at Danny face to see if what he was doing was hurting him.

“Really, babe…I’m okay,”

“Okay,” Steve said, “Let’s get back to camp and hit the showers, get you warmed up and dry, maybe some hot chocolate in ya and then I’ll start dinner and dessert.”

“Dessert,” Danny asked, watching as Steve’s eyebrows wriggled and who was he to argue with that solid plan.

It would be dark soon anyway and he was already shivering, because even though O’ahu was warm year-round, the nights could get cool, especially since they were on the water, so he picked up his oar and helped Steve guide the canoe across the eastern flat and down the channel and to the little outlet where the tent was waiting and soon a warm camp fire too.

All in all, he could say, his first foray into bone fishing was a success. 

H50H50H50

Steve took a few minutes to get the fire going, leaving a still wet Danny to stand by its warmth as he got out their packs and rummaged for the towels and toiletries and a set of soft sweats for each of them. 

He also grabbed his and Danny’s slippers, although Danny refused to call them anything but flip flops and sat his bundle in one of the camp chairs.

“I’m going to get some water going for hot chocolate, unless you want coffee?”

“Either is fine.”

He turned to Danny, who stood in such a way that he seemed to be favoring his right knee and Steve was glad that he had brought along some ice and heating packs, because you just never know and even though they weren’t all that far away from civilization, he really hadn’t wanted to cut their time together short.

Now that he got to have alone time with Danny, he was always greedy for more…much more.

These past few weeks…they had meant everything to him, because after years of covertly dating Danny, the man had finally, finally caught on…had figured it out.

Now, after setting the grill bar over the fire, he got out the kettle and dumped several bottles of water into it, saying, “the water should be warm enough when we get back from showering…ready?”

Steve didn’t wait for Danny to answer, he just grabbed up the bundle of cloths and passed the towels and toiletries bag to Danny, before grabbing up his hand and leading him up the trail to the bathroom and bath house.

This park had indoor facilities and even a wet room for fishermen to hang waders and wash off gear, a place for their boots to dry overnight so that they could be used again the next day.

When he had called to make the reservation, he found out that there had only been a small group booked for the week and that they were on the other side of the camp grounds, so in theory, they may run across a few other fishermen, but the group was full of tourist and Steve had learned that their guide liked to fish the western flats.

Their bathroom and other amenities would only be shared with the adjacent camp site, and since that was empty, they had the place to themselves.

Steve pushed Danny into the wet room ahead of him, directing him to the bench along the far wall, taking the towels and other things from Danny’s hands telling him, “get your wet stuff off Danno, dump your waders and hang them on the hooks, toss your clothes in the washing machine and I’ll be right back.”

Danny sat as Steve opened an interior door that led right to the shower room and on the other side of those, the bathroom stalls. 

He was impressed with how clean the tiled walls and floors looked and was pleased with the fresh smell of whatever cleaner had been used before he and Danny had arrived.

He put the towels on the hooks outside one of the stalls and opened and hung the toiletries bag on another. 

He pulled out some soap and shampoo and stuck it on the shelf in the stall, leaving the rest to sort out later.

By the time, he got back to the wet room, Danny had taken off his boots and waders and was working on the buttons of his flannel shirt.

Steve got his own boots and waders off, hanging them by Danny’s and then slipped off his jeans and shirt and tossed them into the washer. He bent to peel his socks off, slipping his feet into his flip flop and tossed them in too.

Hopefully the washer would be done if he selected the quick wash option, by the time they were done in the shower and then he would be able to toss everything into the dryer before heading back to camp.

He could get their stuff after dinner or even in the morning, because tomorrow he wanted to hike a little and then maybe hit the flats again, but four fish were a pretty big haul and should feed them well over the next few days.

Danny had his shirt off, but was still sitting in his soaked jeans.

“Need some help, baby?” It was a joke, but since Danny didn’t call him on it, maybe he really did need help.

He had some Aleve in the toiletries bag and planned on plying Danny with some once they had made it over to the showers.

“Here,” Steve said, moving closer and dragging Danny to his feet. 

He hadn’t missed the little wince of pain on Danny’s face, so he helped Danny shuck the wet pants, carefully guiding his right leg out of the soggy material, looking to see if maybe there was some swelling, but Danny’s knee looked okay, maybe a little puffy, but all in all, it could have been much worse. 

He guided Danny back down and bent to pick up his feet, taking off the sodden socks and tossing them toward the washer, making sure Danny put on his flip flops before standing again.

Once, Steve had gotten a pretty bad strain of fungus from a shower on a mission, the details of which, were classified, but he swore he would never step bare foot into a shower that wasn’t his own ever again, except for maybe Danny’s, because he had helped clean Danny’s house fairly regularly, and had known that Danny’s shower was just as clean as his own.

Steve opened one of the three little boxes of Tide and upturned the powder into the machine, turning it on.

“Ready, Danno?”

Danny smiled at him, taking his offered hand and said, “lead the way.”

The handicapped stall was bigger and since they were the only campers here, he hadn’t felt guilty about making a bee line for it and turning on the faucet, setting a temperate slightly hotter than he liked, but still slightly cooler than what Danny was used to, all too willing to compromise if it got Danny naked and in his reach sooner.

“Come on in, Danno.”

Danny shuffled forward and under the spray, turning away from him and facing the shower head, sighing when the hot water hit and cascaded down his back. 

Steve grabbed the soap and a wash cloth, lathering it up for both of them, starting to feel the slight swell of his dick as he smoothed the cloth all over Danny’s broad shoulders and back, down over the curve of his perfect ass, taking his time to clean each cheek and then the center crease, the puckered hole and then pressed the cloth up against the back of Danny’s balls, listening to the little needy noises that fell from Danny’s lips.

Steve was making it his mission to pamper Danny’s ass, to worship it, if you will, because even though he loved it when Danny had fucked him, wanted that part of their love making to happen again and again, he also wanted, no, needed to be able to sink into Danny’s hole and claim him.

He wanted to be the first to plunder Danny’s ass and just that thought alone made his cock slowly fill.

He turned Danny toward him, his chest was facing Steve’s, so that he could lean into him as Steve took great care to move the soft, soapy material up and under each of Danny’s arms, across his hairy chest and peddling nipples…not being able to resist he leaned in to suck one to a hard peak, watching as goose bumps raced across Danny’s skin, and damn, if his hard on wasn’t poking Danny in the side, rubbing against the slippery skin. 

Earlier, while he was jacking Danny off, just the sounds and smells and Danny’s ass pressing back against him was enough to get him off, and it seemed like he was ready for round two.

Not that Danny had noticed after taking a dunk into the drink…

… and really, he shouldn’t had laughed, but once Danny smiled, it was all over…Steve always, always laughed when someone fell.

Not like from a tree or something, but tripping or stumbling set him off.

He didn’t know why, but it had been true of him since he was very little. 

It was some kind of default setting, wired into him, but the whole situation had kind of changed the mood.

He had been hoping to tease Danny some more on the way back to camp, keep his lover on edge for things to come.

But right now, Danny moaned against Steve’s chest, quickly getting back into the mood as Steve’s hand had moved down to Danny’s straining cock, only washing, but wanting more.

He quickly knelt and washed down both of Danny’s legs, front and back and then turned him again, chest back under the spray, water running down all that glorious pale and freckled skin.

Damn…

Danny was so fucking hot.

Tight and compact and his…

A sudden feeling of possessiveness washed over him and he grabbed Danny’s ass with both hands, pushing him forward a little, telling him, “lift your arms baby, rest your head on them.”

Danny leaned forward, resting his head on his bent and crossed arms, against the shower wall, stretching and arching his back, parting his legs invitingly, wiggling his ass against Steve’s kneading fingers.

 _All for me._

He had really hoped for a blow job tonight, then taking his turn to suck Danny off, but since Danny had tweaked his knee, he hadn’t wanted him bending and putting any unnecessary pressure on the joint, he would just have to wait until they were in the tent…or maybe in one of the camp chairs…or even the bed of the truck…

He shook his head, soaping up his body as fast as he could, stepping closer to Danny, guiding his dick between Danny’s ass cheeks telling him, “close your legs a little, baby.”

Danny had, sending a spike of hot pleasure rushing up Steve’s cock and into his groin, up his spine and along his nerve endings. 

He moaned, hearing Danny’s own grunts and groans, as he began to rock into Danny, letting the slip slide of the soap help smooth the way, his dick running over and along Danny’s perineum, bumping harder and harder into the back of Danny’s balls with each thrust and he could just imagine how much better it would be buried into Danny’s tight ass hole, gripped by those strong muscles, filling Danny up with his cock and then with his come.

He was so close…

Danny panted and moaned, little, “ah, ah, ah,” noises falling from his open mouth, as Steve moved in even closer, draping himself over Danny’s back, wrapping one arm possessively over Danny’s chest, the other bruising Danny’s hip as he held on and set up a good and fast rhythm, rocking both of their bodies forward.

Danny slipped one arm out, reaching down to grab his own cock, but Steve let go of his hip, slapping his hand away, saying, “mine,” and Danny shivered and whined when Steve grabbed him hard, stroking Danny through another orgasm, letting him press back into Steve and squeeze his dick with strong thighs. 

Steve held still, both his body and hand until Danny started to come down from his high and then he picked up the pace again, working Danny’s sensitive cock, straining and pushing his dick between those perfect ass cheeks and thighs, listening to Danny babble and grunt, gone again in a sea of sensations as Steve thrust hard one more time, going up onto his toes, pushing against Danny with all he had, feeling his cock pulse and spray come over Danny’s balls and hole, pulling out a little and gripping himself, watching his come paint Danny’s ass and damn, if he couldn’t go again, but the water was cooling and Danny seemed almost asleep where he stood and swayed, one hand still bracing himself against the wall. 

So, Steve used the cloth to clean them both off, pushing them both under the cooling spray to rinse and then he had Danny out and wrapped in a towel.

“Oh, god, Steve,” Danny slurred, “I think you broke me.”

Steve laughed, turning Danny toward the bench, smacking him on the ass and giving him a little push, “put your clothes on, Danno.”

He almost mentioned his after dinner plans, but if Danny were truly too tired, they had all day tomorrow and the next.

Danny got his sweats and long sleeved shirt on while Steve checked the washer, still wrapped in a towel.

The cycle was done, so he tossed the load into the dryer, turned it on and went back to the shower room to find Danny holding his sock, seeing the problem immediately.

“Sorry, baby, I forgot the shoes. Both our sneakers and boots are still in the tent, but we can manage in our slippers and I’ll bring them back up here when I come to get our clothes in the morning.”

Danny nodded, flinching as he stood.

Steve pulled his shirt over his head, asking, “is it the knee?”

Danny sorta shook out his leg, then shook his head, telling him, “my hip feels a little weird…I think I might have jammed it and maybe tweaked my groin muscle.”

Steve got his pants on and moved closer, resting his hand on Danny’s right hip, asking, “are you hurting, baby…” 

“A little,” Danny confessed, so he pulled out a bottle of over the counter pain killers from their bag, shaking two out into his palm and passing them to Danny, along with one of the bottles of water he had brought with them, in case either were feeling a little dehydrated after their shower.

“Thanks, babe,” Danny downed the two tablets and chased them with his water, finishing off half the bottle in one go. “It’s not hurting, really…just feels a little…stiff.”

Steve nodded, moving to the sink, digging out their tooth brushes and the paste. He loaded both brushes up, handing Danny’s his, turning on the tap water, saying, “I was going to ask you to help me scale and gut the fish, but how about you work on the sides, that way you can sit at the picnic table and keep your weight off your leg.”

He didn’t wait for Danny to answer, because he knew Danny would do anything he asked of him…eventually, anyway.

Danny moved up beside him and passed his brush under the running water, sticking it into his mouth and brushing, a small frown on his foamy mouth. 

Steve brushed too, but he rose an eye brow in question and once they both had spit, Danny asked, “if we still need to eat dinner, why are we brushing our teeth now?”

Steve rinsed off his brush, taking Danny’s from him and doing the same, telling him, “because I am lazy and don’t feel like coming back up here just to brush my teeth…also I brought some of those disposable finger sleeves you like to use after lunch, so we’re covered…”

He just knew that Danny was going to make some crack about him admitting he wanted to be lazy, but instead he just shrugged and his belly rumbled loudly and he grabbed Steve’s arm and dragged him toward the door, saying, “then let’s go…someone promised me bonefish and I’m starving.” 

Steve followed Danny back down the path, the two of them holding hands and swinging their arms like they were teenagers again, but Steve didn’t care, he liked it…he liked it a lot.

He had already fallen head over heels for Danny, had tried to be a part of Danny’s and his kid’s lives as much as Danny would let him, and yes, maybe if he had pushed a little more, they may have had been together, together, way before Danny decided to up and kiss him a few weeks back, but the wooing was fun and the wait was so worth it.

Once back at the camp, Steve steered Danny toward the table and grabbed some bags from the back seat of the truck.

“Figure out what you want with the fish and then go sit by the fire…I have an ice pack for your…” he waved his hand around in a circle, encompassing Danny’s right hip and lower, “…whatever is hurting.”

Steve brought over the cooler, too, sitting it on the end of the table. He had some fresh veggies in there and cool beer. 

He watched as Danny dug into the plastic grocery bags, looking to see what the options were while Steve checked the water over the fire.

It was hot, but not boiling, so he grabbed two mugs and pulled out the coffee, it was instant, but that, he would tell Danny, was all a part of the camping experience.

Turned out that Danny hadn’t even noticed, he’d just took the mug Steve offered, while he wrapped two potatoes in foil and pushed them toward Steve, who took them over to the grate and sat them on top, close to the embers.

The timing should work, because it would take a while to gut and scale the fish and then get it fileted and into the frying pan.

Danny sipped his hot drink and pulled a tomato and a ball of fresh mozzarella cheese from the ice chest, finding the cutting board and a sharp knife in with the other sundry cooking supplies, while Steve pulled on his socks and tennis shoes, going back down to the water and grabbing a fish.

Danny was just drizzling some olive oil over his sliced tomatoes and cheese when Steve got back. 

He wrapped the tray in foil, sliding it back into the cooler and went to sit over by the fire as Steve took up another knife, moved to the other smaller table, and started working on the fish.

Once he had it cleaned and fileted, seasoned and ready to go, he grabbed the cast iron skillet and put it on the grill grate, adding some oil. 

Steve sat the plate aside and while he waited for the oil to heat up, he went to get the big first aid kit from his truck, digging around the contents until he found a chemical ice pack.

He came back and dropped down next to Danny in the other camp chair, unwrapping the pack and snapping it in the middle to release the chemicals inside, that made the whole thing cold in seconds.

Danny smiled as he took the offered cold pack and rested it in his lap, toward the right.

Steve watched him squirm for a few seconds, trying to get it where he wanted it and then went back over to the fire. 

He carefully laid each filet into the bubbling oil, turning them over after a few minutes to crisp the other side.

Once he was happy with the texture and firmness of the fish, he used his tongs to pull them out to rest, checking the doneness of the potatoes still baking in their foil.

From the corner of his eye, he saw that Danny had started to shift up, but he said, “I got it, Danno…you just stay put and let that ice pack work.”

Danny sank back into the chair as Steve got plates and forks out and on to the table. 

He pulled the butter and sour cream from the cooler, happy to see that the ice and ice packs were still cold, knowing that after breakfast, he would have to go up to the camp store to get some more.

He brought the fish over to the table and grabbed the potatoes off the grill with a mitted hand, putting one on each plate.

“You want butter and sour cream, baby?”

“Yes, please,” Danny answered, finishing off his coffee and putting the mug in his cup holder in his chair’s arm rest, asking, “and a beer, please?”

Steve told him, “you got it,” and pulled two beers out of the cooler, slitting the tops of both potatoes and squeezing the ends to open the slit he had just made, plopping on the butter and sour cream and then salting and peppering each one. 

He scooped a few sliced tomatoes and cheese and finally a piece of fish on each plate, carrying them both over, giving Danny’s his dinner and sitting the other plate in his chair.

He went back to the table to grab the beers and utensils and watched as Danny put the beer in the other drink holder and forked up a bite of fish.

He worried that maybe O’io was an acquired taste, but Danny said, “mmm…this is really good, babe,” and took a few more bites before he started in on his potato.

Steve enjoyed his own meal, mostly because of the company and once they were done, he tossed the paper plates and plastic forks into the trash bin, then filled a utility bucked with the rest of the hot water from the kettle, adding some dish soap and letting the mugs and the cutting board and knives soak. 

When he was done with those, he would dry them and put them away, dump the rest of the water over the small table to clean up the scales and blood from the fish, but now…now he planned on enjoying some more of Danny’s company and the rest of his beer. 

He shifted his chair a little, noting that Danny’s feet were still in his flip flops and legs crossed at the ankles, toes close to the fire for warmth.

His lover seemed relaxed, his head resting back, gazing into the night sky, and his hands linked and laying on his belly.

Steve shifted a little closer, asking, “are you cold, Danno?”

Danny lifted his head, looking at Steve bleary eyed, but answered, “no…it’s nice by the fire…it’s just…the day is catching up to me.”

The sun had set a while ago and the night heavens shone with a million stars, but they couldn’t hold his attention, weren’t nearly as beautiful as his Danno.

Steve reached forward and carefully picked up Danny’s feet, letting him adjust as he swung them up and into his lap, flicking off the flip flops and massaging them both, pressing his fingers into the heels, rubbing each individual toe, tickling the soles from time to time just to see Danny wriggle and squirm.

He thought about bringing one to his mouth, because Danny’s feet were a thing of beauty, but Danny was clearly tired and tomorrow was another day…or maybe even later tonight.

He knew that they were still in the honeymoon phase, feeling like they couldn’t get enough of each other and wanting to try new things, try everything and he had hoped that this phase never passed.

Looking at Danny now, his golden hair and face illuminated by the fire and starlight, his body nearly boneless and so relaxed, he couldn’t help but to think of spending the rest of his life with this man.

Danny sighed, sinking back into the chair, seemingly enjoying Steve’s fingers on his feet, his hands moving to massage his calves and gently teasing the back of his left knee, telling Steve, “you’re spoiling me, babe.”

Steve nodded, knowing that there was more spoiling to come, but he only said, “you deserve it, baby…and so much more…”

Danny shifted a little, lifting his head and looking at Steve again and he saw the question there, saw emotions flash through his eyes, but in the end, Danny only said, “you deserve a little TLC too…are you ready for bed?”

Steve just as carefully put Danny’s feet back on the ground, standing and holding out his hand to help Danny up. 

He was still a little concerned about the small grimace on Danny’s face as he stood, but he would pull out the hot water bottle and hoped that its use would help Danny’s muscles to relax and not stiffen up overnight.

“You go ahead and get comfortable while I clean up and take care of the fire.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to his partner’s, savoring the taste of dinner and something uniquely all Danny, gliding his tongue over his bottom lip before pulling away, knowing that if he hadn’t stopped himself now, he would follow Danny in.

Danny reached up and pecked his lips a few more times before turning and going into the tent.

Steve cleaned up quickly, using a little of the water from the kettle in the hot water bottle and by the time he got into the tent, Danny had laid himself out on top of the sheet covered air mattress, naked as the day he was born, asking, “where’s that dessert I was promised?”

Steve tossed him the bottle, hurriedly pulling his shirt over his head, hoping from foot to foot as he tried to pull his pants over his shoes and listening to the best sound…Danny laughing and happy, content in a way that Steve had never witnessed and he was going to keep Danny that way.

Steve dove for the bed, making Danny bounce and giggle and once he had him in his arms, he reached for the blanket and pulled it up and over their bodies, thinking, _if it’s the only thing I ever do, the only thing I ever accomplish, I’m going to keep you happy, Danno, because…because I love you._

Danny snuggled into him, cold feet on his shins, but Danny’s hot mouth on his neck took the chill away and before he even realized, he was mumbling, “I love you, Danno,” into the Danny’s shoulder.

Danny tensed in his arms, just for a second and then he started to kiss his neck again, started to suck along his jaw line and moved to bite and tease his ear lobe, hot, moist breath against his skin, a soft voice saying, “I love you, too, babe.”

H50H50H50


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve sat up and pulled him in for a kiss, smiling against his mouth as he said, “that’s the best plan you ever had, baby…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter is mostly smut, but h/c coming up soon...

H50H50H50

 

The morning air was cool on Danny’s exposed arm, that lay atop his sleeping bag.

He had heard Steve get up hours before, but his partner hadn’t tried to persuade Danny to join him in his morning antics, had only left him with a brief kiss on the forehead and a whispered, “sleep, baby,” before shimmying into his clothes and slipping his feet into his hiking boots, the loud snick of the zipper disengaging as he slid from their inflatable bed within the two-man tent and then for hours, silence, no sounds from the camp site beyond his little cocoon of warmth and comfort.

At some point, Danny had stirred, hearing faint noses coming from beyond the closed tent flap, birds chattering in the nearby trees, the wind blowing against the vinyl walls of his makeshift bedroom and water, rushing and receding, off in the distance, as waves slapped at the shore.

Later still he heard pots and utensils clanging, the pop and sizzle of something cooking over the fire, and then he could smell coffee and bacon and he peeled opened his eyes and saw that the once closed flaps were now opened, secured back by a strap so that he could see the slight glow of the fire, with a kettle bubbling away and the skillet spitting grease into the low flame.

He shifted, listening for sounds of Steve again, but he heard only the cooking food and percolating coffee and still, the gentle roll of the water, at the edge of the outlet, that their camp site was situated on.

He closed his eyes again, bring his arm under the covers, snuggling in deeper, but not really intending to fall back to sleep, knowing that Steve would be in sooner rather than later to wake him.

So, he was surprised that when he next opened his eyes, it wasn’t to a kiss or pat or even a gentle shove to wake up.

He stretched again, sliding over a little on the air mattress to get a better look at the camp site, but now the frying pan and kettle were gone and the fire had been reduced to embers and he could hear someone out their shifting around, water pouring and patter of plates and cutlery and he was just shifting up, letting the blanket pool at his naked hips when Steve ducked his head in, holding a tray with a mug of coffee and plate full of food, giving Danny a tender smile when he realized that he was awake.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” he started, sliding into the tent a little more, passing off the tray, “did you sleep well?”

Danny’s jaw breaking yawn was his answer, but he nodded his head anyway, patting the mattress next to him, asking, “what time is it, babe?”

Steve heeled off his boots and sat by Danny, sliding down a little to rest his head on his hand, telling him, “it’s about twenty after eleven.”

“Wow…really?”

Steve leaned up and kissed him, saying, “yes, really…but apparently, you needed the sleep, Danno.”

Danny yawned again, nodding his head, getting out, “I guess so…thanks for letting me sleep in…and for breakfast.”

He glanced at the tray for the first time, seeing the set of over easy eggs, buttered wheat toast and three slices of bacon. 

He also saw three breaded and deep fried balls of…something…so he picked one up and raised a brow at Steve.

“Fish balls,” Steve said in way of explanation.

“Fish balls?” Danny asked, not sure that he had heard right.

“Yup…battered and deep fired bonefish balls…don’t make that face…try them…they are very good and I had to do something with the extra fish, so…”

Danny shrugged, thinking, _what the hell,_ and popped one into his mouth.

The delicate flavor and creamy center was not what he had been expecting. 

He was thinking more along the lines of cod cakes, but the texture was totally different, and the light flavor of the fish and seasonings were very pleasant, so he downed another, saying, “tasty,” which must have been what Steve had been waiting to hear, because he slunk back down and rested his head back on his hand.

Danny used a slice of his buttered toast to break the yolks on his eggs, dredging the crusty bread through the runny centers, mopping up all the goodness he could with each bite until all that was left were the egg whites, which he draped over the remaining toast, along with his bacon and ate like a sandwich.

He had been surprised just how hungry he had been, since they had had a huge and later dinner the night before, but he would just have to put it down to all the extra activity… the early morning drive…the setup of their camp…the day spent in the sun and on the water fishing…and more pleasurable pursuits once they had returned with their catch, especially the evening shower and other happens after they had retired to the tent for the night…mutual hand jobs and explorations.

He must had been making some kind of ridiculous face, because as soon as he popped the last piece of fish into his mouth and grabbed his mug to chase it down, Steve had taken the tray and pushed it outside the opening of the tent, turning back to him with his own goofy grin and straddled his hips, taking the mostly empty mug from Danny’s fingers, finishing off the rest of the cooling drink before tossing the metal mug over his shoulder, toward the tray that went before it.

Danny started to speak, to say something along the lines of, _what’s the matter with you, huh?_ but only a “oomph,” came out when he opened his mouth and Steve dove in, clashing his lips and teeth against Danny’s, planting kisses along Danny’s jaw line, devouring his neck and sucking on that spot behind Danny’s ear that always, always made him lose his shit.

Next thing he knew, he was laying back down on the mattress, his naked chest snug against Steve’s fully clothed one, savoring the feel of the soft cotton fabric against his peddling nipples and quivering navel, loving the touch of Steve’s teeth, biting slowly across Danny’s left collar bone, and then lower to his pecs, nipping and gently pulling first his left and then his right nipple into his hot and moist mouth, tongue swirling and sucking on each bud until they were red and swollen peaks. 

His tongue lapped and laved before he abandoned the tender flesh and worked his way downward, trailing his opened mouth to the top of the sleeping bag still at Danny’s naked hips.

Steve glanced up at him then and Danny was a little overwhelmed with what he saw in Steve’s eyes…lust, yes, which was hot as hell, and his whole body quivered in anticipation…but also…also adoration and…love…which was even hotter and made his heart beat just a little bit faster...and maybe, just maybe even a little bit of mischief, which caused his mouth to quirk into a silly grin he had always accused Steve of sporting, because, god, this man was such a big ball of goo, but that only made Danny love him more, because only Danny and to a lesser extent, Grace, got to see the gooey parts.

Steve looked back to Danny’s belly, fingers grabbing at the hem of the sleeping bag, pulling the thick material slowly down until Danny’s hard and pulsing cock sprung from the confines of the bedding, cool air making him shiver, goose flesh flushing the skin of his chest and belly.

Steve leaned closer to him, “so fucking beautiful,” Steve’s hot breath whispered against his lower belly and then Steve shifted down, taking Danny’s weeping dick into the mouth, and Danny couldn’t help the little gasps and moans, the jerk of his hips, because this was Steve…his Steve…sucking his cock, fully clothed, bobbing his head at a quicker and quicker pace, slurping loudly and lewdly, with the fucking tent flap wide opened, obviously not caring who might see, which in turn sent a little trill of excitement up Danny’s spine and he thought, _This is new._

Sure, he had made out in cars in his younger days, when his knee wouldn’t crap out on him and he was more… flexible, parked in a wooded area or somewhere along a deserted road, hands shoved up and under blouses to tweak and pinch firm, perky, breasts or down denim pants to stroke stiff dicks, but that had been about the extent of his past experiences with semipublic exhibition.

His dad had known most of the police force, had worked with those men and women and he had never really wanted to have to explain to his parents how they would need to come get him, because he had been picked up for indecent exposure or lewd acts…couldn’t imagine ever doing something that could cause shame for his parents, but this…

…this was thrilling, even though they were under the cover of the tent, Danny was still fully naked and aroused and the tent wasn’t really a barrier to the outside world, not when he could smell the fire and see the camp site…hear the bird’s songs.

His mind went to Steve’s private beach and making out on a blanket under the clouds and sun, the wind from the water whipping over their naked bodies or…or making love in the shallows of the ocean, the gentle waves rocking their bodies as he wrapped his legs around Steve’s waist, as Steve thrust into him…and then he thought of the night, maybe even tonight and the bed of Steve’s truck…thousands of stars overhead, the city lights miles away, the only sounds, the water and their breathy moans of pleasure.

Fuck, he wanted Steve so fucking bad…his body quivering with need, his toes curling and his knees coming up just enough so that he could splay his legs even wider. 

His fingers scrabbled against Steve’s scalp, trying to pull him up or push him down, Danny wasn’t sure, but he did know that he wanted to get Steve just as naked as him, feel Steve’s warm skin against his own, but his partner just shook his head, letting Danny’s dick drop from his lips, kissing and tonguing his way back up Danny’s body until he was back at Danny’s face, nuzzling his neck, licking a little path to Danny’s ear before drawing the tip in between his teeth to nibble.

“I want…” Danny got out, his breaths coming quicker as Steve grounded down against him, his jeaned clad hips trapping Danny’s cock between them, Steve rubbing little circles with the rough material with just the right amount of pressure and sweet friction.

He could hear his own pant of pleasure and feel Steve smirking against his neck, but this was important…Steve had said, that when Danny was ready to let him know…that he would be waiting and fuck, was Danny ever ready, but his words faltered, because he wanted…he wanted Steve in him and on him and around him…he wanted it all…he wanted everything with Steve.

Steve went back to licking at his nipples, leaving a wet trail down his stomach as he fumbled a hand between them to his pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them and pushing at them clumsily until he had them down just far enough to free his own erection, finally asking, “what do you want, baby?”

Danny took in the sight of his lover, hovering over him, palming his dick, his pupils blown and his mouth kiss swollen and said, “you babe…I want you.”

Steve smiled, saying, “I want that too, baby…but I want to make it special for you…I want to take my time…let’s wait until we are in a proper bed, with more…room.”

Steve’s hand moved down to capture Danny’s throbbing dick and gave him a firm squeeze and Danny murmured, “okay,” because sure, that made sense. 

It would be his first time bottoming and he hadn’t known what to expect, not really…and Steve taking his time and going slow, wanting to make it special…made Danny’s heart shudder in his chest.

Anticipation, a slow burn…something to look forward to…he could get on board with that.

Steve’s hot breath hit his face as he let go of Danny’s dick and laid himself out beside him, reaching for Danny’s shoulder, pulling so that Danny would be laying on his right side, for whatever he had been planning, but half way over Danny stiffened, a grimace on his face, because for the first time this morning, little twinges of pain spiked in his hip and groin.

Steve stopped, easing Danny back again, reaching to touch his hip, strong fingers rubbing and then digging in, which surprisingly hadn’t hurt and said, “I’m sorry, baby…are you still hurting from yesterday?”

Danny sorta shrugged, enjoying the feel of Steve’s fingers, loosening stiff muscles, but did tell him, “a little, but it’s not bad…better then when it happened.”

Steve nodded against his shoulder, reaching back down the grab Danny’s dick, humming when he found that the slight pain hadn’t put a damper on Danny’s hard on.

Steve worked him a bit, fingers lazily pumping his shaft and then drifting lower to stroke and cup his balls, run a soothing hand over Danny’s hip and then back to his cock to squeeze and stroke.

He could feel Steve’s dick rubbing against his side, but when he went to reach for it, Steve shifted again, saying, “I want to suck you Danny and I want you to suck me.”

“Okay,” Danny readily agreed, knowing now that that was why Steve had wanted him on his side, but that obviously wasn’t going to work.

Not that that mattered now, because clearly Steve had an idea. 

He shifted again, turning his body so that his mouth was inches from Danny’s cock and then raised a brow, asking, “Would it be too much for you if I swung my leg over?” and putting words to action, he swung his leg up and over so that his dick was mere inches from Danny’s mouth, his own mouth ghosting over Danny’s cock.

“Does this make you feel too confined, baby? I don’t want to trigger a panic attack…”

Danny did feel a little confined, a little claustrophobic, but with Steve sucking his dick, he was sure that he could deal.

“No…it’s, it’s fine…” 

Steve craned his neck to look at him again, but he only nodded and sucked Danny’s dick back into his mouth, fingers working the base of his shaft and balls and it took a minute or two of feeling pure pleasure to remember that Steve’s own cock was within reach.

He pushed at the waist of Steve’s jeans, peeling them and the boxers back with eager fingers, taking Steve’s swollen dick into his palms, guiding it to his mouth.

Steve bucked a little, but was careful not to thrust down and into Danny’s mouth, just let him lick and nip at his shaft, sucking him in from time to time while Steve had move room to maneuver and took full advantage of his mobility.

The slide of jeans over his head and hair was strange at first, as Steve gently rocked his hips, his balls draped over Danny’s nose, still being very careful not to thrust too hard into Danny’s mouth.

The angle was off for Danny, but he did his best to pleasure Steve while Steve worked Danny’s cock.

The soft press of the hem of Steve’s tee over his sensitive nipples and chest caused his toes to curl and he briefly wondered about the possibility of discovering another new kink, having already decided that he was fully onboard with outdoors sex, as long as there was no real danger of getting caught.

Steve was humming around his shaft now, taking him in deeper and deeper and Danny pulled Steve’s member from his mouth and used his hand to stroke, but he soon lost his rhythm as warmth curled deep in his belly, shooting outward, his balls drawing up and he howled when he spurted down Steve’s throat, his cock pulsing, nerve endings exploding, he could actually see stars behind his tightly closed eyes.

Steve sucked him through his release, swallowing down every drop of him, shifting his hips away from Danny’s face until he had stopped groaning and shivering and then he worked his way back up Danny’s body, kissing his mouth firmly, giving him a taste of himself, kicking his jeans the rest of the way off and straddling Danny’s hips again.

Danny licked his lips, as he bucked up a little, lifting Steve’s weight just enough so that he could shimmy down the bed, grabbing Steve’s pillow and stuffing it behind his head with his own, giving him a better angle to guide Steve’s erection into his mouth, sucking and humming and gripping the base, looking up at Steve, seeing his lover stare right back at him.

He managed to pop off for a second, grabbing Steve’s hips and said, “go ahead, babe,” and that was all it took for Steve to start moving, to lean up and over Danny, supporting his upper body on his splayed hands over Danny’s head, thrusting down into Danny’s waiting mouth.

He did his best to keep up, to meet Steve’s thrust half way, to relax his throat and hollow his cheeks so that Steve could fuck his mouth and god, it was so fucking hot to be used like this, to allow Steve that control over him, he could feel his dick trying to rise to the occasion again.

Steve suddenly stilled over him and he felt hot pulses of cum shoot down his throat, leaving Danny with free hands, so he stroked Steve’s sweaty back and sides, still sucking gently until Steve lifted and slid down Danny’s body, laying out on top of him, pushing him down under all that glorious and firm muscle, pinning him to the bed they shared.

After a bit, Steve finally stirred and shifted up, leaning in to kiss Danny, and now he could taste them both, which made Danny’s cock give another hopeful twitch, but he wasn’t as young as he used to be, which made him a little regretful for not getting together with Steve sooner.

Steve slid off him, plopping back down beside him, saying, “thanks, baby…are you okay?” 

Danny turned a little to look at him, with what he was sure was another huge goofy smile on his face and said, “that was fantastic, babe…thank you.”

They stayed that way for a while, Danny with his arm around Steve’s shoulder and Steve stroking a hand lazily over his chest, resting his head in the crook of Danny’s neck.

But before long, Steve sat up and grabbed Danny’s hand. 

“Come on, baby…you can shower while I clean up camp and then we can hike for a bit if you’re feeling up to it. I was gonna pack the hotdogs…we can roast them over a fire when we get to the waterfall.”

Danny nodded, shifting down the bed, grabbing his sweats and the tee he had been wearing the night before, pulling them on and then following Steve out of the tent.

Once he was upright, the little twinges in his hip settled, but he still felt stiff…off somehow…his thighs felt a little…heavy, but as he walked around the camp site, the feeling passed.

There were only a few dishes from his breakfast to soak in the basin, but Steve was pouring him another cup of coffee…or hot water, then adding the instant coffee but Danny didn’t care. 

He took the mug gratefully, feeling more awake and very relaxed.

The sun was high in the sky, but he knew that the trails were mostly under the cover of trees, so they shouldn’t get too hot and he knew that they could swim under the water fall if the mood stuck.

He finished his mug of coffee while Steve sat in one of the camping chairs to tie up his boots.

Danny took his empty cup and sunk it into the hot soapy water before going back to the tent and his pack to grab his jeans and a shirt, clean socks and boxers and his boots.

He stuck his feet back into his flip flops and told Steve, “I won’t be long…sure you don’t want to join me.”

“I do want to join you,” Steve told him, grabbing both of his shoulders and bodily pointing him up the trail toward the bath house, “but that’s the problem,” Steve gave him a gentle shove and a little slap on the ass to send him on his way, calling after him, “If I go with you, all we will see today is the inside of the shower stall and tent walls…”

Danny turned and made a sad face, shrugging, asking, “what’s wrong with that?”

Steve opened his mouth to answer, but when nothing was forthcoming, Danny just laughed and turn back up the trail, double timing it so that he could get back to Steve as fast as possible, because, sure, being in nature was nice and all, but not as nice as being with Steve.

H50H50H50

Steve dried the rest of the dishes and put everything away, stowing the rubber maid container they had packed the stuff in back into the rear seat of the truck. 

He doused the fire and got their fishing rods and cooler back into the truck too, before getting the two backpacks out and stuffing them with snacks and bottled waters, a couple of clean towels, a change of clothes and other essentials.

He spotted the little drawl string bag with the lube and condoms and shrugged, tossing it in too…just in case.

Danny had asked him earlier to make love to him and that was a promise Steve intended on keeping, but not out here.

Being together and in a beautiful setting might be idealistic, but Steve wanted everything to be just right for Danny’s first time, because he knew from experience that first times weren’t always what you imagined them to be and having the space and time to take his time would be for the best, so he was willing to modify his plans. 

They still had today and tomorrow off, but he didn’t want to pack it in just yet, because it was rare for them to get time off and so, he would suggest spending the day hiking, maybe some more fishing, catch and release, and then dinner at the diner a few miles down the road and another night in the tent.

Instead of staying all of tomorrow and getting in late, he would suggest that they pack up in the morning and head home early, see where the day took them and if Danny still wanted to have Steve…make love to him, he would be happy to oblige…

Honestly, he was a little surprised that Danny had asked so soon.

Steve loved to bottom, maybe even preferred it, because he liked the idea of giving up control to someone you trusted, someone you loved, but he could switch it up too, thinking that maybe Danny had wanted the same thing.

He glanced around the camp site one more time, to be sure that he had packed up what needed to be packed and put away what needed to be put away.

He had already cleared out the clothes from the dryer and scouted out the trail to the waterfall while Danny had been sleeping, so he felt prepared to make it there and back before night fall, which reminded him to grab the flashlight, just in case they spent too much time at the falls and had to traverse the last bit of the trail in the twilight or dark.

The lower part of the trail was easy, most of the trail was easy, only toward the end there was some rougher ground and a slight incline before the path evened out again.

He spotted Danny coming back down the footpath from the bathhouse, a little spring in his step and Steve couldn’t help the smile because he knew he was responsible for putting that little spring in Danny’s step, but he could tell that Danny was also still slightly favoring his right leg.

Maybe they should just pack it in today?

He was about to suggest just that, when Danny handed him the little bottle of Aleve and said, “Can you put that in one of the packs…I just took two so I should be good to go for a while.”

And the last thing he had wanted to do was disappoint his Danno.

He slid the bottle into an outer pocket of one of the packs and handed it over, watching as Danny slung the sack over his shoulders and adjusted the straps.

He led the way back up the path toward the bath house and over to the main office, where he signed in to report that he and Danny would be on the trail today.

It was a requirement of the camp grounds, but it was also the right thing to do. 

If they hadn’t reported back by that night, someone would know that they had found trouble, but Steve hadn’t anticipated anything going wrong, so once he had signed in, he led the way toward the back of the office and the trail paths. 

The four trail heads were clearly marked, each in a different color, and each had offshoots for a total of sixteen possible hikes, but the path marked for the waterfall had less offshoots, was, in fact, one the most direct trails that they could hike.

Once under the cover of trees and away from any people, not that there were a lot of people around, Steve grabbed Danny’s hand and led him along, stopping from time to time to point out different wild life or flora.

Danny, for the most part, nodded and smiled and tried to look like he was paying attention and enjoying his walk, but Steve wasn’t so sure…couldn’t really tell.

After a bit, Steve slowed and said, “whatcha think, baby? Isn’t it beautiful out here?”

Danny looked around them, at the trees and flowers, and then up to the afternoon sky and sighed, nodding his head.

“It really is, babe…this time away is just what I needed,” he gave Steve’s hand a little shake and squeeze before continuing, “what we needed.”

Steve leaned in and kissed him then, because Danny was right.

They both needed a break from work and the criminal element and the cruelties that their line of work detailed, but they also needed a break to just be together, really together. 

Not them and their team or them and Gracie and Charlie…

This time alone was good for their fledgling intimate relationship and hopefully it would carry them through any upcoming rough spots, because a lot of times, the job they did, was long and unpredictable hours and could leave little time for much else.

If he could, he would plan for mini getaways every other week, but it only likely that they could maybe take the time once every couple of months.

Danny suddenly tripped over something on the path, a root or a rock and hung onto Steve until he could regain his footing.

Steve asked, “okay, Danno?”

Danny hung his head and took a few deeps breaths, saying, “what is it with me and tripping this weekend?”

Steve shrugged, but held onto Danny’s shoulders a little longer then was strictly necessary, wondering if now would be a good time to tell Danny about his modified plans for the rest of their time off.

Danny stayed where he stood, looking up at Steve expectantly, clearly knowing that Steve had something to say, so he turned and got them moving again, telling him, “so…I was thinking…”

“Oh, boy…that’s never a good thing.”

Steve smacked Danny’s chest with the back of his hand, saying, “you’re not funny…” but went on, “I was thinking after our hike, we could maybe grab dinner at the diner up the road, get a good night’s sleep and head back in the morning…we can just laze around, see where the day takes us,” and he clasped Danny’s hand then, looking over his shoulder to give him a meaningful look.

“I ah…” Danny looked down to his boots and then back to Steve, the beginnings of a smile on his face, “ah…yeah, that sounds like a plan, babe.”

Steve nodded, spotting a fallen log near a split off in the trail. 

He motioned for Danny to sit as he took off his pack and pulled two bottles of water and a baggie of trail mix from it.

“Here,” he said, handing over the bottle and baggie. “We are about half way there, but let’s take a little break.”

Danny took a swig or two of water before opening the baggie and picking out the M&M peanuts and chocolate chips.

Steve exhaled loudly, watching as Danny looked up at him, a picture of innocence and asked, “what?”

“Eat the other parts, too, Danno…you need more than just the sugar.”

Danny took another handful, but he managed to snag mostly the chocolate again, telling him, “there is protein in the M&M peanuts, babe…”

Steve knew it was a lost cause, but he took a handful for himself, munching on the mix before grabbing another handful, mostly granola and dried fruit and handed it to Danny, who begrudgingly ate what he was offered.

After a few more mouthfuls of water for the both of them, Steve stowed the trail mix, and his bottle of water, helping Danny on with his pack and sticking his bottle down the mess lining on the side, so he could get to it if he needed a drink.

They struck off again, walking side by side when they could and when they couldn’t, sometimes Steve would take the lead and sometimes Danny would.

They stopped to take another quick break when they had reached the incline, both he and Danny taking the time to slip off the trail and pee against one of the many trees.

They hadn’t seen any of the other campers on the trail and Steve was hoping that that would mean that they would have the falls to themselves, figuring that the other group of fishermen were enjoying another day of fly fishing and since it was a mid-day, Tuesday, not many people would be out hiking.

Steve drank some more water, pulling out the baggie of snacks, but Danny shook his head, so they headed up the trail.

It didn’t take long for the path to even back out again and Steve could hear the water rushing over the cliffs even as they had started up the hill.

When they reached the clearing, Danny shucked his pack as Steve got Danny’s hand again and pulled him along to the edge, closer to the warm water and rushing falls.

It was picturesque…the sun still high in the sky, huge fluffy clouds drifted and collided with each other and birds flew here and there overhead.

He pulled Danny in closer, his back to Steve’s chest, resting his chin on Danny’s shoulder, just watching the rushing water, smelling the faint aroma of the flowers and trees, feeling the warmth of Danny’s body pressed tightly back against him, deciding that Danny was still more beautiful than anything else around him.

He took in another lungful of air, but this time, turned toward his lover, smelling his shampoo and deodorant, the skin at the nape of his neck and sighed.

Danny craned his head, eyebrows arched, asking, “did you just smell me?”

Steve nodded, chin digging into Danny’s shoulder, taking in another big sniff, telling him, “yeah, baby…you smell so damn good.”

Danny turned in his arms, dropping his pack, bringing up his hands to frame Steve’s face, planting a few pecks on his lips, trailing his mouth over Steve’s cheek and down his neck, telling him, “you are such a goof, babe, but I love you.”

Steve leaned downward, catching Danny’s lips, murmuring against them, “love ya too, baby, so, so much,” feeling his cock start to fill and fuck, it was like he was a teenager again, expect without all the fumbling, awkward moves and premature endings.

“Do you want to swim, babe?” Danny asked and Steve wasn’t about to look that gift horse in the mouth, so he nodded, already starting to unbutton his shirt.

He watched as Danny dug through the packs, pulling out the towels, but frowning after a bit, “didn’t you pack the swim trunks that you had asked me three had I packed before we left the house?”

“Well,” Steve began, because he thought about packing them, but really, he wanted to swim without them and now that he saw that they were the only ones there, it was looking like a good possibility.

He figured if other people were around they could go into the water in their boxers, like a lot of other people tended to do.

“You’re incorrigible…” but Danny started to unbutton his own shirt, pulling his tee over his head and bent to work on his boot laces. 

Soon they were both wearing their birthday suits and holding hands at the edge of the water.

Steve had packed everything but their towels and boxers back into the bags and laid everything within easy reach in case they did get company, but he hadn’t expected to see anyone else this time of the day.

Steve stepped into the water, careful of his footing, even though the water was fairly clear and a little crisp. 

He held Danny’s hand, keeping the other one up in case Danny wanted to grab that one too, but he managed to get into the water and up to his knees with no incidents, so Steve let go of him and walked round a bit, trying to determine where the drop off was to deeper water. 

He slipped under the water when he found it and it was pretty sudden and deeper than he had thought. 

When he had surfaced, Danny was closer, a panicked look on his face, but Steve laughed, moving closer to pull Danny into his arms, saying, “Navy, SEAL, baby…I’m okay, but be careful if you don’t want to get your hair wet.”

Danny smacked his shoulder, saying, “get you hair wet, he says…such a funny guy,” but Danny leaned in for a kiss, running his tongue along the edge of his lips, wrapping his legs around Steve’s hips.

They stayed like that for a while, Danny wrapped completely around him, arms slung behind Steve’s neck and head resting on Steve’s shoulder.

Steve walking them around in the shallows, water up to his mid-chest, supporting Danny’s more buoyant weight.

He ran both his hands up and down Danny’s spine, detouring every once in a while, to grab Danny’s perfect ass, slipping a finger between his cheeks now and then, feeling the press of Danny’s filling cock against his belly. 

He sniffed at Danny’s neck again, turning his head a little to catch a whiff of his underarm and in all his sexual life, he could not remember ever wanting to smell his bed partner’s pit, but this was Danny…his Danny… _all his._

He wanted to mark and map out every inch of skin, touch him whenever and wherever he wanted…he had it bad… he was hopelessly and wonderfully addicted.

He could feel Danny shake his head against his neck, but he hadn’t commented on Steve’s latest weirdness, had only began to gently rock against Steve’s stomach, rubbing his cock along the cords of Steve’s abs and fuzzy navel hair.

Danny murmured something against Steve’s skin, but he couldn’t make out what he had said.

The rocking increased in pace, Danny’s balls and dick glided along Steve’s stomach with the slick slid of the warm water and then he loosened his legs a little, sinking downward to line up both their erections before tightening his legs again.

Danny grabbed both their cocks and Steve grabbed Danny’s ass, squeezing each cheek in a hand, while Danny stroked them, flicking his wrist just the way Steve loved, picking his head up from Steve’s chest to capture his lips in a searing kiss.

Steve held them as steady as he could while Danny pumped and stroked them both, his hand moving up and down, up and down, faster and faster and Steve found Danny’s little puckered hole, rubbing around and around the loosening muscle until he could work the tip of his finger in.

Danny’s whole body shuddered in his arms at the intrusions, but he kept up his quickening pace and open mouth kisses, each too out of breath and now only sharing pants and pecks to lips.

The water around them spiraled outward and away as they moved with each other, as they rutted against each other, looking for release.

Danny took in a big breath and sighed into Steve’s mouth, his body opening more, allowing Steve to slip his middle finger in further, to crook it towards Danny’s belly button, to press it over and against his prostate and Danny moaned loud and long, birds taking flight from the nearby trees, all of nature’s noises seemingly stopping to hear Danny grunt and groan into Steve’s mouth as Steve pulled him closer, lending friction from their pressed bodies to Danny’s frantic jerking of their cocks and soon Steve could feel Danny coming undone, his rhyme faltering as his body spasm and he bite down lightly on Steve’s shoulder, probably trying to quell the breathy, “ah ah ah ah ah ah”, noises he was making.

“Oh…fuck, babe… _fuck_ ,” the last bit was whined in a little higher pitch than normal and fuck if that hadn’t sent Steve right over the edge.

He shot his load against Danny’s stomach, pulling his finger from Danny’s pulsing hole, feeling Danny moan against his shoulder. “I’ve got you, baby…”

Danny stayed still in his arms for a minute and then slowly let his legs drop downward, testing them out before he stood on his own, his hands sliding down Steve’s chest, his head resting on Steve’s shoulder, but he stayed in the circle of Steve’s embrace.

It took a few more minutes before Danny finally looked up at him, a blissed-out look still on his beautiful face, and the biggest, goofiest smile that Steve had ever seen.

Sex made Danny stupid and Steve loved that…that he could make Danny look and feel that way.

Danny swallowed a time or two and then stepped back a little, going under the water and resurfacing, running his hands through his wet hair, saying, “I think you broke me again.”

Steve laughed and lunged, pulling Danny down and under again. 

They resurfaced, going after each other, playing in the water for a bit, kicking out at each other, arms wrestling, trying to one up each other.

Later, they swam closer to the falls, climbing up onto a rocky ledge behind it, resting and watching the running water for a bit and then Danny looked at him and said, “how about we forget the hot dogs and the diner and just get the fuck out of here…we don’t have to go home…we could get a hotel room tonight…finish our mini vacation with a nice hot shower and a huge bed…”

Steve sat up and pulled him in for a kiss, smiling against his mouth as he said, “that’s the best plan you ever had, baby…”

When he pulled back he smirked, diving towards the water, yelling, “last one back to camp has to pack up!”

He heard Danny cursing and then the splash of water as his lover dove in to follow.

H50H50H50


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything that he had ever wanted, home and heart, were right here laying in his arms.

H50H50H50

Danny sat gingerly on his left ass cheek, in the front seat of Steve’s truck, his leg tucked up and under him in an effort to take any pressure off his right side.

They had been traveling for a few hours now, the rough and rutted dirt roads in and around the camp grounds and trail heads giving way to paved and winding streets and then, finally, the smooth asphalt of the highway.

His knee hurt, but his hip _ached_ and lower, his groin and balls and thighs all felt…tight and heavy.

Steve kept shooting him covert glances now and again, but hadn’t asked if he were okay in, at least, the last fifteen minutes, when Danny had told him, emphatically, that he was just peachy and to, please, for the love of god, drop the subject, but he could tell from the look on Steve’s face that he had wanted to ask again…and also that his lover was just concerned for him, as he winced and flinched with every dip, depression and dent in the roadway.

Sometimes, he was a real putz.

He glanced at Steve, who quickly adverted his eyes back to the road and said, “look, babe…I’m sorry, okay…I know you’re just worried for me and really…I’m starting to worry a little myself…”

He hadn’t wanted to admit that little fact, but ever since getting in the truck, he had stiffened up and his muscles were spasming and he felt vaguely nauseous, but also, he felt disappointed, because they were having such a good time, even with his little tumble in the water and he didn’t want to end his day at the doctor’s office, on pain pills and muscle relaxants and spoil what was left of their time off…he didn’t want their good time to end, at least like it seemed it would.

“It’s okay, Danno,” Steve shot him a quick look and then had turned his eyes back to the road, but he had placed his big hand on Danny’s left knee. “I’m just worried that you did some real damage and I think we need to call your GP…see if he can squeeze you in today.”

Danny sighed, but Steve was right. He had to be back to work the day after next and he needed to be sure that he was one hundred percent, that he could keep up with Steve, because someone needed to keep that danger magnet out of trouble and that job was all his.

“And,” Steve continued, “if he says it’s just a sprain or a pulled muscle, you can get something to help you feel better and then we can continue on, see where the evening and tomorrow leads us…” Steve looked at him again, squeezing his knee, running his hand up Danny’s thigh and said, “I just don’t like seeing you in pain, baby…”

Danny’s heart did that little flutter thing again, but he nodded his head and pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

He had managed to actually speak to one of the nurses, Jill, and after explaining what had happened and what he thought it might be, she had said she would call back if Dr. Moretz could fit him in later today.

When Danny had looked up again, he could see the sky line of Waikiki, which was near his doctor’s office, but not near Steve’s or his home, so he raised a brow in question, watching as Steve just shrugged and took an exit that would put them downtown and said, “you mentioned going to a hotel, so I figured we could get settled while we wait to hear from Dr. Moretz…maybe get an early dinner…”

Steve steered the truck through crowded streets, pulling into the valet parking in front of the Royal Hawaiian hotel.

Danny had passed this pink hotel hundreds of times, but had never been on the inside. 

The team had caught cases in other upscale or less desirable places and had eaten or gone out for drinks at the Hilton and Sheraton, amongst others, but never here, at least not yet. 

This hotel was one of the oldest and most luxe and cost a small fortune for a night, so Danny felt compelled to say, “we aren’t too far from home, babe…when I said hotel, I was thinking something smaller and closer to the camp grounds…this seems a little frivolous…” 

Steve leaned over the seat as the valet started around the truck to the window and gave him a quick kiss, pulling him in with a palm to Danny’s neck and said, “I’ve always wanted to stay here, Danno…my folks used to come here on special occasions…anniversaries…”

Damn, there went his heart again.

A polite tap at his window had Steve pulling away and opening the driver’s side door, dropping down and speaking to the valet.

He passed off his keys and hurried around the truck, opening Danny’s door before he could even shift to his other ass cheek and do it himself.

Steve’s hands held his forearms and carefully helped unfold his legs and guided him down to the running board and then to the street.

They walked into the opulent lobby together, but Steve had steered him to an overstuffed chair to wait as he checked them in.

Within minutes, Steve had returned, tucking his wallet into his back pants pocket and Danny swore he would never accuse him of being cheap again.

It took a little doing, but Danny was back on his feet and shuffling carefully beside his lover as they made their way to the elevators and Steve pressed the button for the fifth floor.

They found their room, and Steve gave him a big grin as he opened the door to the suite.

The place was beautiful, a full living area, complete with a big screen tv and a floor to ceiling window that overlooked the ocean.

Danny went back through to the bedroom, Steve hot on his tail and ogled the king-sized bed, with its gold and cream feathered down comforter and pillows, before checking out the bathroom with a huge soaker tub and a shower bigger than some of his first crappy apartments.

The bedroom also faced the ocean and Danny opened the large windows to let in the cooling evening air. 

He sank back against his lover when Steve had wrapped his arms around him, kissing his neck and saying, “I think making new traditions are important too, baby…don’t you?”

Danny turned in the circle of his embrace, kissing Steve soundly, whole heartily agreeing, but before they could progress, his phone rang and when he pulled the device from his pocket he could see that it was his GP’s office, so he swiped his thumb across the display to answer.

Jill had informed him that Dr. Moretz was willing to see him after his last patient at six, because he knew that Danny had a busy schedule and that it was hard for him to sometimes make his regularly scheduled appointments due to the nature of his work.

Danny thanked her and then hung up, looking at his display to see that they had a little over an hour and a half before he had to be at the office.

“Do you want to eat, baby?’ Steve had asked, walking toward the dining area and pulling a room service menu from a drawer near the in-suite phone. “We should have time and then when we get back from your appointment, we’ll take a soak in that tub.” 

“Sounds like a solid plan, babe.”

Steve studied the menu, looking toward Danny a time or two and then said, “how about surf and turf?”

Danny only nodded, because really, he was hungrier for Steve than food, his brain still stuck on the soaker tub and bubbles and soothing hot water.

Steve smirked, saying, “o…kay,” and picked up the phone, ordering Hawaii Rancher's Ribeye Steak and Calamansi Butter Poached Lobster Tails. He passed on the salads, but did get them sides of creamed Kahuku sweet corn, garlic Yukon potato and Hamahua mushrooms in a red wine sauce, but must have thought better of it, cancelling the mushrooms and asked for roasted carrot ginger puree and a kaffir brown butter for the tails.

Danny told him, “alcohol cooks out of sauces, you know.” 

But Steve shook his head and said, “can’t be too careful…the doc might put you on some pain pills or muscle relaxers or both…”

Danny laughed and went to the couch, tentatively sitting, picking up the remote and flicking on the television, settling in to wait for their food and said, “but then I would be extra relaxed and you could have your way with me.”

Steve sunk down in the cushion next to him, taking the remote and tossing it to the other side of the couch and pulled him into a gentle kiss, lips soft and tongue teasing, speaking quietly against his mouth, “you’ll let me have my way with you whenever I want.”

And that was true, but he shook his head anyway and told him, “not anytime…I mean, I have to sleep and you know how cranky I get when you wake me up before I’ve had my beau…”

But he never got to finish his statement, because Steve’s tongue was dancing along Danny’s palate and Steve’s hands were softly smoothing down his side, fingers brushing against his ribs before detouring up and under the hem of his shirt, scratching blunt nails over his pecs and the course hair of his chest.

Danny lost time, because when next he became aware, someone was knocking at the suite’s door and Steve was carefully draped over him, still kissing, still stroking, but he too opened his eyes and pushed back with a sigh, saying, “foods here.”

Danny sat up, feeling a little cold and lonely with Steve’s warmth gone off to answer the door and he asked, “already?”

A woman dressed in a colorful jacket and plain black skirt, little black pumps, pushed a cart in, asking, “would you like dinner at the table or shall I set up near the couch?”

Danny thought couch, but knew if they both ended back on the sofa, dinner would get cold and he would miss his doctor’s appointment and apparently, Steve had had similar thoughts, because he directed her to the table.

Danny stood, feeling those little niggles of pain again, but they had receded by the time he had walked over and taken a seat across from Steve.

She set the table with cloth napkins and gold toned forks and knives and spoons, little crystal cut salt and pepper shakers and then she poured water into two stemmed glasses. 

Their dinners were uncovered and placed in front of each of them as Steve scrawled his signature over the bottom of the bill and handed it back to her.

She asked, “can I get you anything else, sir?”

Danny took in the table and shook his head, Steve saying, “I think we’re good, thank you.”

“Then you gentlemen have a lovely evening,” and she let herself out of the room.

Danny’s belly rumbled, breakfast a long time ago and Steve laughed saying, “dig in, baby.”

They ate in comfortable silence, catching each other’s eye every once in a while, both indulging in silly grins when it happened. 

Danny ate half his steak and started on his lobster, dipping its meat in the browned butter, feeling some slid down his chin and Steve reached over, running his finger over Danny’s lips to wipe away the mess, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Danny’s heart was getting a good work out today. 

Between the hike and swimming and goofy gestures of love, he thought it just might burst and he never wanted that feeling to go away.

He knew how important it was to cultivate his relationship with Steve, because of how things had ended with Rachel, but when he really thought about it, he couldn’t remember being this…in love with her…he loved her, yes, he loved that she had given him Grace and then hated her for a little while after he had found out that she had given him Charlie and then had tried to hide it from him…but way back in the beginning, he couldn’t remember his heart feeling so full, so big…

“Baby?”

Steve’s soft voice startled him and he looked to his lover to see a little concern, but mostly curiosity, so he sat down his fork, shook his head and smiled, saying, “I love you, babe…I really, really love you.”

Steve’s face lit up and he put his glass down and stood, leaning over the table to kiss him, soft and sweet and tasting of butter and then he skirted the table and pulled Danny up, wrapping him in strong arms and squeezing, dotting little pecks along Danny’s neck, breathing in deep and telling him, “I really, really love you too...but, we better get going.”

Danny nodded against his chest, having no idea what time it was, but trusting that Steve would take care of him.

So, Steve covered their plates and walked them to the little fridge with its mini bar and stuck the leftovers inside.

Danny patted his pockets to be sure he had his wallet and followed Steve to the door, holding his hand as they walked the hall to the elevator and down to the lobby and out to the valet stand, where the truck appeared in pretty quick order.

It didn’t take long to make it to the medical center attached to Queens.

Danny signed in at the front desk, presented his medical card and paid his co-payment and was just going back to the bank of chairs to wait his turn when the nurse, Jill, called his name.

“Come on back, Danny…he’s ready for you.”

He looked toward Steve, who had sat up in his seat and then to Jill, “umm…”

She asked, “do you want your friend to come with you?”

Danny started to nod, telling her, “Steve’s my partner,” but then he wondered if maybe Steve would feel awkward going back with Danny, but before he could ask him, Steve was by his side, one hand on his elbow and the over on the small of his back, ushering him into the hallway that led to the exam rooms, clearly answering that question.

Jill asked him to stand on the scale and then told him to have a seat. 

Steve took the chair next to him as the nurse asked him some general questions about his health and then about what had brought him in this evening.

He recounted the events and the small injury, “I mean, I’m sure it’s nothing, but…”

She nodded, pulling a blood pressure cuff from the container on the wall and wrapped it snug around his arm, squeezing the bulb to pump air into the cuff, pressing the bell of her stethoscope to the inside of his elbow, saying, “better safe than sorry…it might be a small tear or something that needs time to heal and you wouldn’t want to risk a reinjure,” but he didn’t say anything else as she let the air out of the cuff and listened and counted the beats of his heart. “It’s 127 over 72, pretty good.”

She pulled the cuff from his arm, taking up a strange shaped device with a metal ball on the end, running it over his forehead and then around to behind his ear, waiting for the thing to beep. She glanced at the reading and said, “your temp is normal…”

She stood and went over to the drawer under the exam table, pulling out a blue paper gown and a thin white sheet, telling him, “get completely undressed, gown open to the back and hop up,” she patted the exam table, “he’ll be in with you in a few minutes.”

“Thanks, Jill,” he said, as she pulled the curtain a little, to cover the door opening and some of the room, but he could still see Steve from where he was standing.

Steve nodded toward the door, saying, “do you want me to…”

But he didn’t want Steve to leave. They had seen each other up close and personal, so he shook his head and said, “not unless you want too.”

Steve sank back into his chair in answer, watching him as he unbuttoned his flannel shirt and yanked the tee over his head, tossing them to Steve, threading his arms through the gown, before unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans and pulling them down with his boxers, kicking them Steve’s way, who neatly folded Danny’s clothes and put them in the seat Danny had just been sitting in.

He kicked off his flip flops and backed up to the table, stepping up onto the extended bench and turning to sit, laying the sheet out over his knees, the crisp paper covering sticking to his ass and crinkling with each shift of his body.

Seconds later, Dr. Moretz breezed in, looking over what had to be his chart, stopping when he saw Steve, “Oh, hello, I’m Dr. Moretz.” 

He held out his hand for Steve to shake and Steve told him his name and that he was, “Danny’s partner.”

If his general practitioner had any thoughts on that subject, he kept his face neutral and his thoughts to himself.

The doctor sat at the little desk Jill had been using to type in Danny’s vitals and looked at the small computer screen, reading over her input.

“So,” he began, “I see you had a fall and tweaked your knee, maybe pulled a muscle?”

Danny went over the events again, so his doctor would have a good understanding of his swan dive and then his little slip up on the trail.

The GP’s next question, took him a little by surprise. He asked, “and you weren’t feeling dizzy or faint…haven’t hit your head recently?”

He hadn’t even thought about his slip being caused by balance issues or something wrong with his brain, but he hadn’t hit his head in a while and he had known that the first time he wouldn’t have fallen if he hadn’t stepped on something slippery, so he answered, “no…I didn’t feel dizzy or faint,” which wasn’t strictly true, because he just had had the best orgasm of his life, but he didn’t think that was relevant and he also knew that the toe of his boot had caught a root on the trail to the falls, so it wasn’t a balance thing. 

The doctor went back to the computer and typed on the keyboard for a bit and then told him, “okay, let’s have a look.”

He performed a routine and perfunctory exam, listening to Danny’s heart, chest and back, asking him to breathe in and out, to hold his breath and then he felt along Danny’s neck, under his chin, along his collar bones, under each arm pit before pulling up a stool to sit and look at Danny’s right knee.

He felt around the joint, asking if anything hurt worse than anything else and noted that his knee was a little swollen before moving to Danny’s feet, looking at each one, feeling his pulse points in his ankles and checking for sores on his soles and in between each toe.

When he was done that, he pushed the stool back, standing and asked Danny to lay back.

While Danny laid down, the doctor pulled the extended foot rest out so that his legs hadn't dangled and then he drew the blanket down and over Danny’s bare legs, pushing the thin material low and under his hips as he pushed the gown upward to bunch under his arm pits. 

He used his fingers to tap along Danny’s chest and stomach, pressing in from time to time asking if anything hurt, but nothing did. 

“How about any other pain, even if it’s just a little, in your lower belly or lower back?”

He started to shake his head, but Steve spoke up, saying, “your lower back had been hurting a little, right Danno?”

“I ah,” he remembered now, asking Steve to rub his back a few nights back, because he thought he must have slept wrong or tweaked it while running after some idiot or the other and now that he had thought about it, the little twinges were still there, just not as pronounced. “I thought I had slept wrong or something…but it’s not bad…just a little sore.”

The doctor’s hands moved lower, to his hips, using both hands to press down, which was uncomfortable, but not painful.

“Okay, can you bend your knees?” Dr. Moretz guided his bad knee to where he wanted it and Danny’s other leg followed, with both his feet planted on the exam table. 

The sheet covering him was adjusted and a gloved hand reached in between his legs, pressing around his groin on the left and then moved to the right, which made him wince with discomfort, little spikes of pain rippled where his leg met his pubic area and then his balls were being rolled between gloved fingers, his penis stretched away from his body and palpated and then the sheet was pulled back up and Dr. Moretz guided his right leg back down to the table. 

The man pushed the foot rest back in and gave Danny his hand so he could hoist himself back into a sitting position, before shucking his gloves and moving to the sink to wash his hands.

He told Danny, “I am going to call in a scrip for a muscle relaxant and you can continue to take over the counter pain meds as needed.”

Danny was already shifting forward, to get off the table when the man continued, “I want to get an ultrasound too…”

Danny looked toward Steve and then back to the doctor, wondering why he would need the test.

“I just want to air on the side of caution…it’s probably just a muscle strain, but you could have a micro tear or some other minor damage that could lead to trouble down the road.”

“Um…okay,” Danny slid the rest of the way from the table, going to sit by Steve, feeling a little exposed and vulnerable.

Steve picked up his clothes and sat them in his lap, his arm going around Danny and pulling him in while they waited for Dr. Moretz to finish typing his findings into Danny’s chart.

“I will have Jill call you with a time, but we could probably fit you in tomorrow, will later in the day work better for you?”

“Ah…I’m actually off tomorrow, so whenever works for me.”

“Great…so I’ve sent the prescription to your pharmacy and I’d like you to start on them tonight. Get some rest, try to stay off your feet and use ice and heat alternately on both your knee and groin area…use your brace and cane if needed.”

“Okay,” Danny agreed, shaking his doctor’s hand when he held it out, watching as he did the same with Steve, telling him, “nice meeting you.”

“Nice meeting you,” Steve said, standing and putting Danny’s clothes in his chair, walking with the doctor to the door, before turning back to Danny, a small frown on his face.

“Do you need help, baby?”

Danny looked down at his clothes and then back to Steve, shaking his head, telling him, “no, I’m good.”

He stood then, grabbing his boxers and putting them on, careful of his knee, feeling a little sorer now that the doctor had manipulated his joint.

He slipped the gown off and Steve tossed it into the bin near the door while Danny finished dressing.

The office area was deserted and most of the lights were off, but one person was still at the reception desk as they exited the exam area, so Danny said good night as they left the clinic.

“I am going to swing by the pharmacy and then we will head back to the hotel and get comfy…I saw some robes in the closet…”

Danny nodded, feeling a little distracted, a little worried, even though his doctor hadn’t seemed too concerned.

He nearly bumped into the door of the truck, because he really wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. 

Steve had saved him by grabbing his elbow and pulling him around and into a huge hug, telling him, “try not to worry, Danno. If it’s a small tear, it’s better to treat it now then not knowing and causing more damage to the muscle.”

Danny nodded against his chest, feeling a little better, saying, “don’t let this go to your head, but you’re right.”

“I wouldn’t think of it,” but the smirk on Steve’s face told him otherwise.

His lover kissed the top of his head and then let him go, thumbing the key fob to unlock the truck and then helped him step up onto the running board and settle into the seat.

He pulled his belt on while Steve came around and opened his own door, turning over the engine and pulling out of the garage and heading toward the pharmacy.

When they got there, he told Danny, “I’ll run in…do you want anything else while I’m here…a snack, or…”

He was still pleasantly full from dinner, so he shook his head and said, “nah…I’m good, but get yourself something if you want.”

H50H50H50

Steve ran across the parking lot and into the store, heading back to the pharmacy window. 

It was almost seven thirty, so the line was fairly short, only one lady ahead of him, holding a little toed head girl that peered at him over her mother’s shoulder, a little frown on her face.

The woman was called to the open window and Steve to the next, where he gave Danny’s name and his date of birth and signed for his meds, waiting while the pharmacy tech went to the rack of hanging bags, finding the one with Danny’s name.

She handed him the little white bag, asking if he had any questions.

“No, but thank you,” and then he high tailed it back to the truck to find Danny right where he had left him, looking a little worn down, a little tired. “You doing okay, baby?”

Danny straightened in his seat, nodding his head, “Yeah, babe…I’m okay.”

Steve passed the little bag over, starting up the truck, pulling into the evening traffic, heading back to the hotel, where he planned on getting Danny’s meds into him and then both of them into the huge tub and then maybe some snuggling on that big bed.

He valeted the truck again and helped Danny down, making sure he was steady on his feet before they went back through the lobby and to the elevator.

The room was cool when they got back into it, the open windows blowing the evening air through billowing curtains.

Steve stuck the, ‘do not disturb’, sign on the door and locked the deadbolt as Danny went to the dining area and opened the pharmacy bag, pulling the little orange bottle from its confines, fiddling with the cap until he finally got it off.

Steve watched him while he read the instructions, before moving to the bedroom and pulling the two dressing gowns from the closet.

He hung them both in the bathroom, before starting the tap on the tub, setting the temperature to as hot as it would go, checking it from time to time to make sure that it wouldn’t be scalding.

He heard Danny before he saw him, and when he did finally see him, his baby had taken off all his clothes and was standing in the open doorway to the bathroom.

“Hi there,” Steve said, looking his fill.

“Hey, yourself.” Danny moved toward him, reaching for the button of his shirt, popping each one carefully through the tiny corresponding holes, until he could push the fabric off Steve’s shoulders. 

Steve got his pants undone and down in a flash, not wanting Danny to bend, even if it seemed as if the meds were kicking in.

Once they were both naked, Steve grabbed Danny’s hand and led him to the tub.

He had dumped some complimentary bubble bath in when he had started it and the water was already overflowing with foam, but Danny just shrugged and allowed him to help him up and over the rim, helped him sink down into the hot water and Steve couldn't stop the smirk when he heard Danny groan once he was fully seated.

He twisted the tap, turning off the water, stepping in behind Danny and setting down behind him, his legs on either side of Danny’s hips, pulling his lover back against his chest and wrapping his arms around him.

“Pretty woman style, huh?”

Steve kissed the side of Danny’s neck and asked him, “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” Danny was quick to answer, “nothing at all.”

Steve got the thick cotton wash cloth and poured some body wash over it, running the material over Danny’s chest and down each arm, still laying tiny kisses along Danny’s skin, wherever he could reach.

He enjoyed doing this for Danny, enjoyed taking care of him in any way that he could.

He moved the cloth downward, over Danny’s belly and then up each thigh, coming back to clean his cock before giving up on the cloth and using his fingers to tease and caress.

Danny snuggled back against his chest, boneless and relaxed, but Steve still asked, “okay, baby?”

Danny took in another deep breath, blowing it out slowly, telling him, “yeah, babe…more than okay…you take such good care of me.”

Danny’s cock was filling in the loose circle of his fingers and his own dick was already hard, pressing into the small of Danny’s back.

He stroked him a few times, loving the feel of Danny in his hand, loving the little twitches as his shaft hardened and the little sigh and sounds Danny made as he began to stroke him.

Soon, the water sloshed as he began to pump Danny’s cock, and Danny’s hips jerked forward into his grip and then pressed back into him, rubbing his dick against Danny’s ass and back and his own stomach, but he took his time, there was no insistence in either of their movements.

Sometime later, Danny still gently jerked his hips, but his head was heavy on Steve’s shoulder and he knew that the meds had well and truly kicked in, so he sped up his hand, flicked his wrist and squeezed the head with each upward movement, which got Danny’s hips moving a little faster, with a little more urgently.

He used his other hand to caress Danny’s ass, pressing his middle finger against Danny’s pucker, amazed all over again when he had relaxed enough, trusted Steve enough to allow him to slip that finger in.

The angle was a little awkward, but Danny was keening low in his throat and was grinding down and against him before hollowing his ass cheeks and pushing up into Steve’s tight fist.

He wished he could see Danny’s face, wished he could see that…undone look in his lover’s eyes, but what he could see made him hot as hell.

Danny’s head was thrown back against him and his mouth was slack, an incessant and low moan falling from those perfect parted lips and his eyes were closed tight as his body worked for his release, hips frantic now, rutting up and pressing back…so fucking beautiful.

One more twist of Steve’s wrist and he felt Danny’s body clamp down on his finger, and fuck, he wished he had his cock buried deep in Danny, but that would come soon enough.

For now, just feeling Danny’s cock pulse in his bruising grip and his ass spasm around his digit was enough to send Steve falling over the edge.

He spurted his own release to join Danny’s in the cooling water and when they were both done, they laid spent, Danny still pressed back against him, panting, but his breaths were evening out. 

“God, Steve…that was…that was…” Danny couldn’t seem to or hadn’t cared to finish his thought, but Steve knew… he felt the same way.

Somehow, he managed to shimmy out from behind Danny and pulled the plug, still covered in soap suds.

He pulled one of the huge fluffy towels from the warming rack and quickly dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist and grabbing another for Danny.

He got a hold of both of Danny’s forearms and carefully pulled him to his feet, wrapping the towel around his shoulders as he held on so that Danny could step over the lip and down onto the bath mat.

“Okay,” he asked, once it seemed that Danny was steady on his own.

“Yup,” Danny answered, grabbing his towel to dry a little better.

Steve got on his robe and dropped his towel, holding the other out for Danny, helping him thread his arms into the sleeves and then cinching the belt around his waist.

They moved to the bedroom and the big bed, both flopping down and resting against the headboard. 

Steve picked up the remote, flipped around until he found an old episode of Law and Order.

“Really,” Danny asked, but he could tell that his heart wasn’t in the tease nor was he going to rant like he usually would.

His baby looked tired, but worn out in a good way.

“I happen to like this show,” he said, pulling back the blankets and sliding under, patting the bed to encourage Danny to do the same.

Once they were both under the covers Steve scooted a little closer, resting his head on Danny’s pillow, kissing the end of his nose.

“How you feeling now, Danno?”

Danny yawned in his face, not bothering to cover his mouth, but after his jaw popped, he settled down and snuggled into Steve’s chest, murmuring, “better, babe…everything’s…better now.”

Steve smoothed his hand up and over Danny’s right hip, fingers caressing the skin there, hoping that his lover was on the mend.

He kissed Danny again, still so giddy that he could do that whenever he wanted, that he could kiss and caress and hug, because Danny was his.

“I’m glad…get some sleep…tomorrow we’ll eat a big breakfast, see how you’re feeling…maybe get a late check out…”

Danny yawned again and nodded against his chest, making little snuffling noises as his eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep.

How the fuck did Steve get so lucky?

Everything that he had ever wanted, home and heart, were right here laying in his arms.

“Yeah, baby…everything really is better now,” and soon, they were both sound asleep.

H50H50H50


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He petted his lovers back and shushed him, gently rocking their bodies and frantically thinking, _What do I do…what the hell do I say…”_

H50H50H50

Steve rested his head in his hand, his elbow bent, laying on the huge hotel bed, watching Danny in slumber, which was quickly becoming one of his favorite pastimes. 

He had slept soundly, for once, not jerking awake from a bad dream and he had realized that since he started sleeping next to Danny, those dreams were fewer and farther between.

It looked like Danny had slept just as well, because on bad nights he would curl in on himself, be unnaturally still…on guard, but judging by the deep, even breathing, the way his body relaxed into the mattress and his limbs sprawled, taking up most of the bed, he had had a good night’s sleep too. 

Not that Steve minded the bed hogging, because those arms usually found their way around his waist or a leg slung over his hip, or Danny would snuggle his whiskery cheek against Steve’s chest and their legs would entwine and he had even found that he hadn’t minded when Danny would use his shins to warm his perpetually cold feet.

Danny snuffled, turning his head on the pillow, his compact body moving toward Steve’s warmth, sheets tangling around his legs and low on Danny’s hips and he watched as Danny’s chest rose and fell in a deep sleeper’s rhythm.

He was so temped to reach out and touch… 

He had already been awake for a few hours now, but Danny still had clearly needed the extra sleep, so he left him to rest while he sneaked from the bed and tip toed to the bathroom and then the living room, gathering up their clothes to be sent out to be laundered. 

He supposed he could have gone back down to the truck to grab their bags, but he hadn’t wanted to put on dirty clothes to retrieve them.

Besides, he was still on vacation, so he had opened the mini fridge and grabbed an overpriced bottle of pineapple juice and sat on the sofa, flicking on the TV, the volume low, to watch the morning news.

He checked his phone for voice messages and his emails and touched bases with Chin to see if there were anything that he needed to know.

Surprisingly, the team still hadn’t caught a new case, so their week had been about doing paperwork and looking over cold cases. They hadn’t really needed he or Danny’s presence and that was just fine by him.

Danny would probably still be sore for a few more days, so quiet time, spent in his office, on his first day back would be just what the doctor ordered.

Or maybe they would just take off the rest of the week if there still were no new cases come morning.

He had left the TV on, wandering back to the fridge to grab a bottle of orange juice for Danny and debated on whether he should heat up his leftover dinner, but in the end, he had decided to put in a call for breakfast, ordering French toast and bacon, veggie omelets and coffee, asking the food to be delivered around ten thirty, thinking another hour of sleep would only help his baby feel better and heal.

The clean laundry would be ready and delivered shortly after breakfast and then he would suggest a swim or maybe just some lounging by the pool, while they waited to hear when Danny’s test would be scheduled for later in the day.

He had already secured a late check out, if the appointment was in the late afternoon, they could come back to the room and enjoy its other amenities until Steve took Danny back to the hospital. 

Tasks completed, he had gone into the darkened bedroom and slid back under the covers to Danny watch, which he had been doing for a good forty-five minutes now.

Danny had been moving around a bit, a sign that he would be waking on his own soon, which was perfect, because Steve had hated having to disturb Danny’s sleep…since Matty’s death and Colombia, he had suffered bouts of insomnia, but just like Steve, he seemed to rest better with his lover near.

Danny murmured, shifting again, and Steve couldn’t resist the temptation of touch any longer, using just his fingertips to smooth a path down Danny’s exposed arm, watching as his flesh pebbled and the soft hairs rose in the wake of his fingers.

Danny sighed, then frowned, his brain registering the sensation, but still too tired to wake and do something about it.

Steve let his hand come to rest on Danny’s hip, moving a little closer, closing his eyes, pressing his body softly against Danny’s, feeling Danny’s dick against his stomach, the morning wood taking an interest in the slight friction as Steve gently rocked his hips, his own cock filling with each little thrust.

Danny’s hand moved to rest on Steve’s and when he had opened his eyes, he saw that Danny’s lids were still at half-mast, but his body was quickly getting with the program, hips slowly rocking to meet Steve’s soft thrusts.

Steve inched closer, lips touching in their usual morning greeting, before his tongue darted out to lick and tease Danny’s mouth, delving in when Danny opened for him.

The gentle rutting became more frantic as Steve deepened the kiss and his hand found its way down between them to grab both their cocks in a tight fist.

Danny gasped in his mouth, no longer kissing, just sharing breath before biting the corner of his bottom lip, a little quirk that Steve had just started to notice, then tilted his head down to watch as Steve worked them both, lazy passes of his fist, thumbing Danny’s slit from time to time, but he was in no hurry.

Danny sighed again, raising his hand to smooth over Steve’s chest, fingers pinching and playing with his nipple, but Danny’s eyes were still on his hand and their joined cocks and he found it so fucking hot, but he hadn’t given in to the desire to speed things up…there was something to be said about enjoying a lazy, slow fuck.

At some point, Danny’s head moved back up on the pillow and his eyes were closed tight, his Adams apple bobbed as he convulsively swallowed, trying so hard to keep still, letting Steve do what he wanted, which was all Steve needed to let go.

His dick pulsed in his hand, sending streaks of cum over both their chests and Danny wasn’t too far behind…a few more tugs and he too was gone, reaching blindly with his lips to kiss Steve.

They pressed their chests together, Steve’s hand letting them go in favor of grabbing Danny’s hip and pulling him closer, mouths still seeking, teeth nipping.

He wasn’t sure how long that they had stayed that way, but Steve had remembered that breakfast would be arriving soon and so he pulled back, giving Danny a few quick pecks on the lips before throwing the sheets back, and untangling from Danny’s arms.

His lover frowned, slowly opened his eyes, but smiled up at him when Steve extended his hand.

He helped Danny to the edge of the mattress, and pulled him to his feet. 

He walked backwards, kissing Danny again, pulling him along to the bathroom and toward the huge glass enclosed shower, where he fiddled with the tap one handed, not yet ready to break the kiss, his connection to Danny.

He got the water sufficiently hot and moved them both under the spray, realizing Danny still had his eyes closed, but when the water hit his back he blinked them opened and stared up at Steve, saying, “I wish we could do this every day…”

He did too…but they both knew that once they were back to work, that they would have to steal time whenever they could, which just solidified in Steve’s mind that they would have to make a point of making the time, getting away at least once a month for the weekend…maybe even coming back to the Royal Hawaiian…finally he answered, “I do too, Danno, but I promise…every chance we get, we will be doing this, okay?”

Danny rested his head back on Steve’s chest, nodding and Steve wondered if Danny really believed him…not his intentions, because Steve intended to get Danny naked, as much as, was humanly possible, but Danny too, had already known how hard making the time could be…he had experienced it before with Rachel and Gabby and Melissa. 

So, he said, “I mean it, baby…lets plan to get away when we can and when we can’t, we’ll plan a special evening or outing, just the two of us…”

Danny nodded again, yawning against his chest, but he picked his head up and smiled, taking a fresh wash cloth from the rack and soaping it up with the lavender scented body wash the hotel provided.

His lover took great care in washing Steve’s shoulders and chest, running the soft cloth over his back and across his hips, dipping in to clean his cheeks and then moving to the front to wash his dick.

Steve grabbed the wash cloth before Danny could bend to tend to his legs and lifted each one to do the job himself, cleaning his feet too, before rinsing out the cloth and soaping it up again for Danny, quickly cleaning his spunk off Danny’s chest and neck, washing down his back and ass, his beautiful cock, bending to wash his legs, careful of his knee, grabbing each foot to wash and rinse, loving how his baby squirmed away when he tickled an insole.

“Breakfast will be here any minute,” he told Danny, straightening back up and grabbing the shampoo, squirting some in his palm and lathering it between his hands before reaching for Danny’s head, working in the foam, massaging his scalp and temples, just the way he knew that Danny had loved, before turning him and putting him under the spray as he washed his own, shorter hair. “I was planning breakfast in bed, but now that we ruined the sheets…”

Danny switched with him, letting him rinse his hair and turn off the tap.

Danny reached for the towels and handed one to him as he stepped from the glass enclosure onto the bath mat, drying his hair and then his arms and chest as he smirked at Steve and said, “I guess will just have to sit at the table then.”

Steve nodded, drying off quickly and then sprinting to the bedroom to grab their abandoned robes, slipping on his own and handing Danny one as a knock sounded at the suite’s door.

He hurried into the living room and allowed the man pushing the cart with their breakfast in, who was followed by a porter holding hangers with their cleaned clothes.

“You can just leave it by the table, thanks.”

He took the clothes, signed the receipts for laundry and breakfast, leaving a substantial tip for both.

He shut the door behind the men and by the time he had turned back to the table, Danny was just sinking into his chair, a small grimace on his face, but it disappeared once he was fully seated.

Steve grabbed Danny’s prescription bottle and went back to grab his orange juice, handing them both over before he poured them both coffee and sorted the breakfast trays.

Danny downed his pills and reached for his fork, already digging into his omelet, his belly rumbling with the first bite.

He knew Danny was very food motivated, but he couldn’t help the pleased feeling of knowing that their exploits had brought Danny to the point of hunger and then being able to provide for that hunger...it was a heady feeling and it warmed Steve belly, knowing that he could do that to and for his lover.

“What,” Danny had asked, a curious look on his face, an eyebrow raised as he stared at Steve, his fork halfway to his mouth.

“Nothing, baby…” Steve took a bite of his French toast, but continued, mouth still full, “I just love ya, that’s all…”

Danny nodded, asking, “that’s all, huh?”

“Yup…”

“Well, then…” Danny grabbed his mug, taking a sip of his coffee, telling him, “I love you too, babe.”

They finished off their breakfast, and Danny grabbed the hangers, fingering his boxers through the plastic, saying, “swanky…I don’t think I’ve ever seen boxers pressed and hanging on a hanger before…I’m lucky if I have the time to fold them before shoving them in my undies drawer.”

“Believe me,” Steve said, standing and shifting the dishes back to the rolling table, intending to put it outside the door, “I’ve seen your drawers, so I know.”

Danny just rolled his eyes, but wasn’t baited into a rant about ‘Army’ neatness and OCD when it came to underpants or whatever he may have said, because Steve grabbed him and kissed him, leading him back to the bedroom, tossing the clothes on the bottom of the unmade bed. 

“How about,” he suggested, opening Danny’s robe and letting it fall to the ground, “I run down to the truck and get the trunks we didn’t bother using and we go to the pool…maybe have a swim…maybe just nap in the shade…”

“I like that idea,” Danny told him, as Steve smoothed his fingers down his sides. “but if you keep doing that, I’m afraid we won’t make it out of the room.”

“That’s also a good plan,” Steve told him, but he reluctantly pushed away, pressing Danny back to sit on the bed as he grabbed his clothes and unwrapped them from the plastic bags, pulling on the pressed boxers and his jeans, only taking his tee and pulling it over his head, leaving his outer shirt and stuffed his feet into his slippers. “But…it’ll be good to get some sun and if we have enough time, we can revisit the other idea after…I got a late check out, so we’ll see what time your appointment is…”

Steve grabbed up the room key card and leaned in to kiss Danny, his free hand rubbing at Danny’s neck, pulling on him to draw him even closer, “be right back.”

He moved away, seeing Danny palm his dick, hearing him mutter, “tease,” as he dashed out the door and down the hall to the elevator.

He went through the lobby and to the valet stand, explaining he only needed his keys to get something from his truck and had his and Danny’s trunks and his keys back to the valet within five minutes. 

Danny was stretched out on top of the made bed when he returned, the right knee bent and resting on top of one of the pillows, the bottle of Aleve on the night stand next to his refreshed coffee mug, his arm thrown up and over his eyes.

Steve dropped Danny’s trunks over his naked lap and sat on the side of the bed, bending and kissing Danny’s cheek, asking, “still doing okay, baby?”

Danny nodded, hummed deep in his throat and moved his arm away, pulling Steve in for a proper kiss, “yeah…are you ready?”

Steve stood, quickly undressed, and pulled on his trunks before Danny could even think about moving and once he was ready, he grabbed Danny’s hand and helped haul him into a sitting position, squatting and lifting Danny’s feet one at a time, feeding them into the legs of the swim shorts, pulling him to stand, then shifting up the trunks, saying, “now I am…how about you?”

“When you are,” Danny told him, gently kissing his lips and whispering against them, “thanks, babe…I appreciate…”

“It’s…” Steve had interrupted, “I want to…” but that’s all he had, so he shook his head, worrying at his bottom lip, wondering why, at times, it was so hard for him to say what he needed to say.

Danny had stayed quiet, just watching him, let him work out the words in his head first so that he could get them out of his mouth and that was just another thing to love about Danny.

“I love…doing things for you, baby…because you deserve…you deserve so much and I…I’m just so damn grateful that I get to be the one…”

Danny smiled through his starts and stops, but had nodded his head, like he understood everything Steve had tried to convey.

“I get it, babe…” Danny grabbed his hand, stopping at the night stand to pick up the room key and his phone, turning to look at him, to really look at him and said, “I completely understand, because I feel the same way…” he leaned in and kissed Steve again, tugging on his arm once he pulled away to get him moving toward the door and hallway beyond. 

Once they were descending in the elevator car Danny snuggled closer to him and told him, “I’m so damn grateful for you too.”

H50H50H50

Danny lounged on his chair, watching as Steve swam from one end of the pool to the other, over and over, moving fluidly through the water, watching as most of the women and some of the men seemed to be doing the same… enjoying the looks of disappointment once Steve had climbed from the pool and toweled off, moving to Danny to kiss him before sinking into the lounger next to him, seemingly oblivious of the looks of lust and envy directed their way.

But Danny knew, that Steve knew, that people were looking, and that was why he had kissed him in public, in front of all those people and that thought did a little number on Danny’s belly, warmth spreading through his chest in contentment.

They had been at the pool for a few hours now…Danny had gone in at first, but he wasn’t as in love with water as Steve had been, so after a few laps and some gentle splashing at each other, he had gotten out and found a shady spot under a large umbrella and put Steve’s towel in the next seat to save his spot.

He passed the time checking his emails and the news on his phone, then checked in with Rachel about his upcoming week with his kids, making sure that he had had an updated schedule for both Grace and Charlie.

Dr. Moretz‘s office had called not long after, telling Danny that he could come in for his test at two, so he hadn’t bothered to tell Steve at that point, but now that his partner was resting beside him, his towel draped over his bare legs, he turned toward him and told him, “I have to be at Imaging by two o’clock.”

Steve grabbed Danny’s phone and looked at the display, because he had left his own back in the room. “Okay, lets head up and get ready…”

Steve got to his feet, wrapping his towel around his damp shorts, extending his hand so that Danny could use him as leverage to pull himself up.

He still had some discomfort, but the meds were helping, so he hoped that that had meant that he was on the mend and he wouldn’t need to use his knee brace or his cane once he got back to work.

They walked side by side through the pool area…Danny could still feel eyes on him, but he had just taken Steve’s hand and had let Steve pull him in and against his ribs.

Once back in the room, Danny had gotten in the shower, washing off the chlorine and other things he hadn’t wanted to think too much about and made sure he was clean.

Finally getting dressed for the first time that day, he went into the living area, seeing Steve warming up his leftover dinner, sitting the plate on the table for Danny and then sticking the other one in to warm.

“I’m going to hop in the shower real quick, Danno.”

He nodded, scooping some sweet corn into his mouth while Steve went into the bedroom and then to the bathroom.

Danny could hear the shower coming on and only had time to take two bites of his steak before the water stopped running again. Shortly after, Steve had emerged from the bedroom, fully dressed and sank into the seat across from him, grabbing his own plate.

They ate in silence for a bit. 

Steve scooped up the rest of his corn, reaching across and dumping it on Danny’s plate. Then he stole Danny’s carrot puree, but he only shook his head at Steve’s antics.

He loved the corn and wasn’t a huge fan of the carrots, so he wasn’t about to complain.

With lunch done, they both straightened up the place, making sure that they had had all their belongings before heading for the door.

Danny was a little sad that their alone time was coming to an end, but they still had this evening and Steve had mentioned Korean BBQ and had told him that there wasn’t anything pressing at work, so maybe they would actually get to enjoy a quiet week, but his hopes were dashed as they entered the elevator, hand in hand, and Steve’s phone rang for the first time in days.

His lover looked at the display and frowned, but picked up the call saying, “hey Chin…what’s up?”

He unconsciously squeezed Danny’s hand as he listened to what his team mate had to say and then looked at Danny, nodding to whatever Chin had said, telling him, “okay…I can be there in a few hours.”

Danny jerked Steve’s arm, trying to get his attention, waiting until his lover was looking at him again before saying, “go, babe. I’ll be fine on my own and I’ll meet you at the office after.”

Steve seemed to consider Danny’s words, but nodded and told Chin, “I’m going to drop Danny at his place to get his car and then I’ll be in…no…it’s no problem, Chin…we were on our way back anyway.”

With the call disconnected, Steve leaned down and kissed the top of Danny’s head, asking, “are you sure, Danno?”

“Yeah, babe…I’ll be fine…It shouldn’t take too long…what’s going on?”

“They got a lead on Wo Fat…one of Chin’s CI’s said there was chatter that he was still on the island, hold up in a compound near Punaluu…”

Danny was tempted to blow off the test, sure that nothing had been really wrong, but before he could even suggest it, Steve told him, “don’t even think about it, baby…Chin and Kono are doing recon and Lou and Jerry are working intel at HQ. I’m just going in to see what’s what…if we make a move we’ll wait for you, but chances are, it’ll be a day or two until we can confirm the sighting.”

Before Danny had attempted to make his case again, the doors parted and they walked out into the lobby. 

“Go sit, Danny…I’ll only be a minute.”

Steve walked briskly to the counter to check them out, talking with the woman behind it, as she printed out his billing statement, before going back and into the office and returning and handing Steve a bag that had two large gift boxes in it.

Danny lifted a brow in question, but Steve just smirked and took up his hand again, leading him out and to the valet stand, telling him, “it’s a surprise…for later…”

“Okay,” Danny played along, having a good idea what was in the boxes, but not wanting to ruin Steve’s surprise or his good mood, even though Wo Fat seemed to be closer than they had thought.

The truck pulled up and Steve opened Danny’s door, offering a helping hand, but Danny managed to get himself up and in with only a little pain and soon they were on their way to Danny’s house, but Steve said, “maybe I should just drop you off at Queen’s…Jerry can come pick you up if I can’t…”

“I’ll be fine,” he assured, because it was just an imaging test and he would be able to drive himself back to the office when he had finished.

It hadn’t taken Steve long to navigate him home and he leaned over the center console to kiss him goodbye.

“I’ll call you if anything comes up, baby…I’ll see you when you get back to the offices later.”

Danny nodded, slipping from the truck and moving around to the driver’s side of his car, waving when Steve pulled away, still a little worried about the Wo Fat issue, but trusting his team to have each other’s backs and to call him with any updates.

By the time he had gotten into his own car and pulled away from his home, he had had about half an hour to make his test time.

Traffic wasn’t too bad, and he had found parking on the second deck level of the garage, close to the pedestrian walk way that lead to hospital’s lobby.

He checked in with the security guard, that had given him a visitor wrist band and had directed him to the third floor.

The Imaging center was off to the left and he had found the waiting area full, but not overly crowded, so hopefully they weren’t too far behind. 

There was nothing worse than waiting and waiting for a scheduled appointment.

The receptionist checked him in, taking his ID and insurance card, making copies and then told him he owed a twenty-five buck co pay.

He looked at his cash, but decided to save it for the parking structure and pulled out his bank card, waiting as she ran it and asked him to sign the receipt. 

“You can have a seat, sir. It shouldn’t be too long.”

“Thanks,” Danny turned to the waiting room, spotting a few chairs available down the back row and toward the middle.

He had to step over some feet and purses, excusing himself the whole way, hoping that his ass wasn’t in anyone’s face, hating to have to squeeze in between people, but at least the room was wide and open, so once he reached the chairs he hadn’t felt too confined.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, looking over the news feed while he waited, sending a text to Grace telling her he had talked to her mom and had known about her upcoming dance and soccer practices and that either he or Steve would get her to and from each, asking if she had anything she wanted to do over the upcoming weekend.

A few names where called from time to time, but Danny hadn’t been one of them, so he opened a game app on his phone and played solitaire until he was finally called back.

He excused himself again as he made his way to the end of the aisle, pocketing his phone and meeting a petite blond, her hair pulled back at the base of neck in a ponytail. She told him, “my name is Lana. You can come back.”

He walked ahead of her through the door and waited until she closed it behind them, following her down the hall and around the corner and into a small, cool, dim, room.

She told him, “through the door is the changing area. You will find gowns on the shelf. Go ahead and get completely undressed, gown opened to the front and put your belongings in one of the free lockers, bring the key with you.”

“Okay, thanks,” he said, heading through the door and into the changing room. 

There were a few cubicles with curtains, so he picked one and saw the gowns folded and in plastic bags. Grabbing one, he opened it and took off his clothes, putting them on the bench in the cubicle, slipping on the gown, tying the material closed at his chest and hips.

He stuck his clothes in an open locker, along with his flip flops, wallet and cell phone and locked it with the key, bringing it with him back into the room.

The lights were dimmer and Lana stood by a machine against the wall, looking over some papers. When she spotted him, she smiled and moved to the bottom of the exam bed, telling him, “step up and have a seat.”

He took her offered hand, stepping up onto a step stool and turning to sit on the table, scooting his ass back some as she had pulled some pillows from a closet and placed them at the top, telling him, “lie back.”

After some adjusting, she covered him with a thin sheet and undid his ties, opening the gown at his hips, but making sure the sheet was still covering him. “I’m going to start with your knee…are you in any pain now?”

“No,” he said. “I took some muscle relaxers a couple of hours ago, and some over the counter pain relievers.”

“Good.” She shifted his sheet to expose his right knee and squirted some gel over the cap, using the wand to smooth some around and behind and the machine jumped to life. “The wand will let me look at the structures in your knee joint and the surrounding areas, let me check the muscles and blood vessels…and I can take some stills of what I see to send on to the radiologist, who will review the results with your doctor…this won’t hurt.”

He nodded, knowing that there wouldn’t be any real pain, having to have this test done many years ago, when he had first injured his knee in college, playing baseball.

We watched the screen for a while, not knowing what he was looking at, it all just a bunch of grey and black spaces and shapes, but nothing recognizable to him.

He glanced at her face from time to time too, but she seemed engrossed in her task, rolling the wand around his joint with a gloved hand, typing into the machine or using a ball mouse to capture pictures of what she was looking at with the other.

About fifteen minutes went by, Danny knew, because he could see the clock over the door. She withdrew the wand and put it back into its slot holder on the machine, grabbing a wash cloth to wipe up the gel on his knee. 

She covered his leg and pulled another cloth from under her cart, folding it and rolling it into a log shape, before setting it aside and pulling out another sheet. 

The sheet he was already covered with was pulled down and folded at his knees, and his gown was pushed up and over his hips, but she quickly opened and covered his chest and groin with the other sheet.

He couldn’t help the small shivers that rocked his body, because the air in the room was cool and for some reason, he was a suddenly a bit nervous.

“Doing okay,” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he told her, watching as she picked up the rolled cloth and used her glove hand to gently pull on his thigh until he bent his knee and she slipped it up and under is scrotum, arranging his balls where she wanted them. 

“This might be a little cool, even though we warm the gel,” she said, squirting the stuff over his junk, tucking his penis to the left and using the wand to roll over his testicles.

It was awkward and he hadn’t known where to look. His eyes moved from the grainy images on the screen, to her young face, before finally settling on the clock, as she moved the device around, stopping and taking pictures from time to time, using more gel on the crease of his leg and hip, looking at his groin muscles.

The minutes ticked by, and he thought that she had been taking a lot more time then with his knee. 

Twenty minutes had gone by since she had started and it seemed as if she wasn’t done yet.

Some more gel was squirted over his scrotum and groin and she went back to rolling the wand over him, taking some more pictures and then she finally pulled the wand away and grabbed a few tissues and handed them to him. “You’re all done, Danny. Go ahead and get dressed and I’ll meet you back out here.”

Danny waited until she stepped out of the room to clean himself off, tossing the tissues in the trash and slipping down from the table, feeling a little wobbly, but found his footing and moved to the changing room to get dressed.

Once he had finished and grabbed his wallet and phone, he stepped back into the room and found that Lana was still not there, so he had sat in the chair along the wall and waited for her.

It was another ten minutes before she returned and smiled at him, telling him, “Dr. Moretz would like you to go over to his office. He has some information and instructions for you.”

“Okay,” his heart sped up and he felt a little hot, but he told himself to calm down, because he had no idea why his doctor would request to see him and he couldn’t discern any information from Lana’s face, so he moved through the door she opened for him and told her, “thanks.’

“You’re welcome…have a great day.”

His brain replayed her parting message, trying to read into anything that was left unsaid, but he couldn’t decide if she meant her words and everything was okay or if she was being falsely cheerful, because something was horribly wrong.

Either way, on the trip down to the lobby he decided to not think about it anymore and just wait to see what his doctor had to say.

Once out of the elevator, he passed through the lobby and took the long hall that adjoined the medical center with the hospital.

Dr. Moretz’s waiting room was full, but once he gave his name to the receptionist, he had been ushered back and into an office to wait for the doctor, who, he was told, was just finishing up with a patient.

He started to feel hot again, so he stood and paced the small space, taking in the framed degrees and recognitions of excellence on the wall, looking out the window from time to time, when it felt like the space was closing in on him, running his fingers through his hair and wringing his hands in a nervous gesture that he realized had been a coping mechanism, but the clock on the wall barely budged. 

On one of his circuits, the door finally opened and Dr. Moretz walked in, telling him, “have a seat, Danny.”

Danny plopped down into the chair, just noticing that his GP wasn’t alone.

An older woman in a white lab coat, over a flowery dress, came in after his doctor and went to perch on the edge of the desk as Dr. Moretz took the chair next to his, reaching out to put a hand on Danny’s knee and, oh god…this was bad news, had to be…

_Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god…_

He could feel his own breaths coming in short little pants as he swallowed around a lump in his throat, trying to ignore the roiling in his stomach.

“Danny,” the doctor said, “this is my colleague, Dr. Kalani from Urology.”

H50H50H50 

Steve glanced at the clock and then back to his phone, having expected to see Danny in the office by now.

Kono and Chin were on their way back from surveilling the compound, and Lou had gone to interview their CI again, to go over what he had heard, trying to see if he could coax any more details from the man, see if he maybe remembered something else that could be useful to them.

Jerry was just tapping on his door when his phone beeped, indicating that he had a text and he waved the man in as he looked to see it was from Danny, who had said that the Imaging department was backed up and that he had to get a few more tests, but would meet him at home.

It was a little concerning, but Jerry started to tell him that the satellite images were inconclusive so far.

“We have some people coming and going, but no clear images of anyone fitting Wo Fat’s description…I’ll keep on it though.”

He nodded, hearing Jerry, but thinking about Danny, until Jerry said, “is everything okay, McGruff?”

He jerked his head up, looking at his friend and the concern on his face for the first time since the man had entered his office, but he said, “yeah, Jer…everything’s okay.”

“That’s good,” Jerry told him, adding, “don’t worry…we’ll get him,” obviously concluding that Steve had been thinking about the man that had ordered the murder of his father.

“Yeah,” he agreed, looking back to his phone, but there had been no more communications from Danny, so he stood and walked to the computer table to look over the images that Jerry had mentioned, saying, “so show me what you have so far.”

Jerry rambled on about his intel, putting up various photos of the men coming and going since they had started pulling the satellite images, theorizing on possible connections, running facial recognitions on any clear shots they were able to obtain.

Lou showed up shortly after they had started and gave his report on some new intel, a possible extraction point, the details were sparse, but it was more than what they had known before.

A little later, Kono and Chin came in, telling him that they had found a few tactical positions that they could use to their advantage if the sighting panned out and that they would need to breach the compound and before Steve knew it, he had looked at his phone and saw that it was a little past five o’clock.

There was talk of getting dinner and working into the late evening, but really they hadn’t had much to go on and there wasn’t anything more that they could do unless they got eyes on Wo Fat, so he said, “how about we call it a night. Pick up again in the morning with fresh eyes.”

“Sure, boss,” Kono said, patting him on the shoulder as she made for her office, saying, “tell Danny we hope he is feeling better.”

“I will,” he said, as the others went back to their offices to close up for the evening.

Jerry called, “good night, guys,” as he slid through the glass doors and they all waved as he disappeared down the hall.

Steve signed out of his work computer and grabbed his keys, the next out the door, telling the rest of his team, “see ya all tomorrow,” already jogging down the steps before anyone had the chance to answer.

He and Danny had talked about going to the new Korean Bar B Que place for dinner to wrap up their mini vacation, but since he hadn’t heard from him in a few hours, he had just felt the need to get home and fast.

He got into his truck and pulled out of the lot, heading to his house, knowing that that’s where Danny would be since he didn’t have his kids until the weekend.

Traffic was a bitch, but Steve knew all the short cuts and made it to his drive way in under twenty minutes.

Seeing the Camaro already parked calmed him a bit and smelling the earthy aroma a beef stew cooking on the stove a little bit more.

He called for Danny, because he wasn’t in the kitchen when he entered, but the stew was simmering, so he couldn’t have gone off too far.

He looked out the kitchen window and spotted his lover sitting out on the beach in his favorite wooden chair, so he went out the door, making his way to him.

He could tell halfway there that something was wrong.

Danny’s shoulders were slumped and his feet were drawn up, his heels resting on the chair seat and he had one arm wrapped around his knees.

As he got even closer he could see that Danny held a crumpled tissue in his other hand and that his eyes were dry but red rimmed.

He dropped down on his knees in front of Danny, asking, “what’s wrong, baby?”

Danny sniffed, dropping his tissue as he leaned into Steve’s open arms, resting his chin on Steve’s shoulder, nuzzling Steve’s neck, taking in a shaky breath before saying, “Dr. Moretz says it’s cancer, Steve…I have cancer…”

Steve’s whole fucking world fell out from under him and his ass hit the ground hard, pulling Danny down with him, holding him as Danny sobbed softly against his chest.

He petted his lovers back and shushed him, gently rocking their bodies and frantically thinking, _What do I do…what the hell do I say…”_

But in the end, he just held on, held Danny tight in his arms…kissed his head and cheeks and lips and rocked them both until the crying puttered out and Danny laid boneless against him.

H50H50H50


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was determined to help Danny relax and get through the evening in any way that he could and making love to him throughout the night…yeah, that seemed like the most perfect way.

H50H50H50

Danny’s wasn’t sure how he had gotten from sitting on the beach to sitting on the couch, bundled in the afghan that usually laid over the back of the recliner.

He had a mug of something hot in his hands…chamomile tea, he thought, but he could also smell the booze in it too, so he tipped up the rim to his lips, and took a tentative sip, savoring the taste and the warm slide down to his belly.

Someone was moving around in the kitchen and that someone had to have been Steve…

He remembered now… coming home for Dr. Moretz office in the late afternoon, opening the freezer and pulling out the first frozen chunk of meat he had seen, the stew meat he had been going to use later in that week, then, filling the sink with tepid water to thaw the beef.

He remembered cutting up carrots and potatoes into bite sized pieces, thinly slicing celery…but not sure when he had retrieved those items from the fridge and panty…  
he could also remember the sizzle of the browning beef, but not how all the ingredients had gotten into the stock pot…he had been moving through the simple task of making dinner in a haze, but taking some small measure of comfort in the… normalness of the chore.

At some point, he must have had started dinner, because the smell of cooking meat had been wafting through the house as it simmered and he took small comfort in that too, the feel of being safe…with Steve, in his home.

The sound of bowls clacking and the squeaky utensil drawer being pulled out, drew him a little farther from his fog. 

He assumed that Steve had been by the stove, stirring the pot, dishing them each out a bowl.

But he hadn’t known if he could eat…hoped that Steve wouldn’t try to persuade him, because his stomach was still roiling and his hands were still shaking, sloshing his tea around in the mug.

He raised the cup and took another mouthful, shivering within the warmth of the heavy blanket that had once belong to Steve’s grandmother, still feeling a little confused…a little numb.

“Hey, baby…” Steve had somehow appeared before him, holding a tray with two steaming bowls and two bottles of water. “How are you feeling now?”

He set the tray on the coffee table, sinking into the cushion beside Danny on the couch, throwing his arm around him and pulled him in tight along his side, wrapping his other arm around his chest, but Danny just shook his head, unable to stop his trembling or the slight chattering of his teeth.

He didn’t know how he had felt.

He hadn’t even been sure he was feeling anything at all.

“Listen to me, Danno…” Steve grabbed his mug and put it on the table beside their dinner, turning his body so he could see Danny’s face, asking, “I know you are scared and this is…a lot to digest, but do you think you can tell me…”

But he had told Steve…hadn’t he…

He remembered grabbing a box of tissues and going to sit on the beach, to watch the surf and sunset…to feel terribly sorry for himself and then feeling terribly guilty as he thought about his babies, Grace and Charlie and all that he just might miss if… 

But, he had told himself, that they had their mom and step Stan and Kono and Chin and Steve…and thinking about Steve brought the water works on again, and then Steve had just been there, holding him like Danny’s life had depended on him and at that moment, it had.

He remembered clinging to Steve and sobbing into his chest and hanging on just as tight, and even now, his eyes still felt gritty and sore from all the bawling.

Now, Steve was still watching him, waiting patiently for his answer so he opened his mouth and said, “I ah…” 

Steve pulled him even closer, kissing his cheek, pecking at his lips and Danny turned into him, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist, tucking his head in the crease of his neck and shoulder, shamelessly seeking comfort, needing to feel Steve’s solid weight against him, because he was teetering…fragile, like if he hadn’t had Steve to hold on to, he might just float away, so he squeezed Steve tighter and blinked back some more tears, repeating the only words that he had clearly remembered his doctor telling him, “It’s…ah…early…treatable…”

Steve let out a huge sigh, ruffling Danny’s messy hair and pulled back a little, looking Danny in the eye and he could see now that Steve’s eyes were red rimmed too and it set him off again, his tears freely leaking down his cheeks, because…it was just too god damned much…so fucking unfair…finally, he had managed to find some sustained happiness and then this.

“Sh, sh, sh, I’ve got you, baby…I’m right here.” 

Steve used the pads of his fingers to wipe at Danny’s cheeks, leaned in to kiss each of his fluttering eyelids and then gave him a tissue from somewhere, saying, “I know you told me that Dr. Moretz thinks you have cancer, but how does he know, Danno…what happened today…even if you had had a biopsy, the results takes weeks…so…”

Danny used the tissue to catch the snot running from his nose, managing to blew into it, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve, then reaching for the mug and his spiked tea, taking a few hurried sips before meeting Steve’s eyes again, and started telling Steve what he had known, “After the, after the sono…gram, he had m...me come to his…his office.”

“Okay,” Steve said, sitting back again and tucking Danny under his arm, “then what happened, baby?”

Taking another fortified sip, he felt a little steadier, his shivering dwindling to a few random shakes and shudders, “I ah…waited for him to finish with his patient and when he did come to the office…he ah, he wasn’t alone.”

Silence stretched for a beat or two and then Steve asked, “who was with him, Danno?”

“Dr. Kalani…she’s a Urologist…she told me I have a ma…mass in my right testicle.” Steve gripped his arm a little tighter, Danny could feel Steve holding his breath against him, but after a few seconds, he blew out a slow whoosh of air and smoothed his hand down Danny’s arm, so he went on, “and, and that…they don’t do biopsies because in…nine…ninety-five percent of the cases, the tumor is malignant and…and cutting into it could cause the cancer cells to sp…spread.”

Steve drew in another deep breath and slowly let it go, absently using his fingers to sooth a path up and down Danny’s arm and then he finally asked, “okay…what’s next?”

Danny shook his head, because he had known, sure he had, but they had told him so much information, had explained and explained again when Danny had only sat there in stunned silence, had tried to comfort and offer reassurances that it was such good news that they had caught it early, that Dr. Moretz had suspected a tumor because he had felt a subtle lump during Danny’s examination and combined with him feeling more fatigued, the presence of back pain. “I ah…they gave me a bunch of pamphlets…I ah…I go tomorrow for a chest x-ray and a chest and abdominal CT…she said it’s ah, ah, a part of the staging.”

Steve nodded against his head and moved his hand away from Danny’s arm, sitting forward a bit to grab the tray and told him, “It’s okay, baby…I’ll look over everything…I’ll find out what we need to do now.”

He opened the legs on the tray and put it over Danny’s lap, grabbing his own bowl and a piece of crusty bread from a plate that held several buttered pieces, picking up his spoon and then shooting Danny a meaningful look, taking a little bite of his stew.

Danny nodded and picked up his own spoon, scooping up some broth and meat and potatoes into his mouth, but the beef tasted like ash as he chewed and he thought for a horrifying second that he might just puke.

He had managed to eventually swallow anyway and Steve had shot him the biggest and brightest smile he had seen, so he put his spoon back into his bowl and got some broth, bringing it hesitantly to his mouth, taking the smallest of sips, but this time, he could taste the meat and the vegetables and feel the heat…warmth sliding down his throat and into his hungry belly…

They ate in silence, Steve finishing off his bowl and leaning in to kiss Danny, saying, “That was great, baby…thanks for making dinner.”

Danny nodded, feeling a little lost, because he had just been diagnosed with cancer and Steve was treating him like it was just any other day, but when he went back to sipping his soup, he realized that it was just Steve’s way of telling him that he was there for him…that he was going to be okay, without actually saying the words, which Danny knew was hard for his lover sometimes.

When Danny finished the broth and only played with the chunks of veggies and meat, Steve stood and picked up the tray, opening and handing Danny the bottle of water.

“I’ll clean up if you want to…” Steve had a questioning expression on his face, like he hadn’t known how to finish his sentence.

The sun had set a while ago, but Danny knew that it couldn’t be much later the six-thirty or seven o’clock, but he was bone tired, so he nodded and stood, telling him, “I think I’ll go take a shower and get in bed…I’ve got to be there early, so…”

Steve moved toward the kitchen then and told him, “I’ll be up in a minute and I’m going with you tomorrow…I’ll call Chin…”

He hadn’t known why he said it, because he had wanted Steve there with him, but the words popped at of his mouth before he could stop himself, “you don’t have to, babe…we’ve been gone for half a week already and I don’t know how long I’ll…”

The stricken look on Steve’s face stopped the flow of words and he could feel a weird tension quickly building between them and he hadn’t liked the feeling so he quickly told him, “but I want you to come with me, so…”

Steve’s face relaxed and he smiled at Danny as he turned to go to the kitchen, calling, “I want to come too, baby…go shower, I’ll be up in a minute.”

Danny wrapped the blanket tighter around him and moved slowly up the stairs and to their bedroom.

The room was dark, but he hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights, he just fumbled with his top drawer and pulled out a clean tee and a pair of boxers, shuffling into the bathroom, dropping the afghan as he crossed the threshold, turning on the lights.

He reached in and turned on the tap, the temperature as hot as it would go and then shucked his shirt and jeans, toeing off his socks and pulling down his boxers, gathering the clothes into a bundle and tossing them toward the hamper.

He pulled back the shower door and stepped under the spray, letting the water cascade down his chest and over his face.

It felt nice to be warm, so he turned and let the water run down his back, over his shoulders.

After a while, he picked up the soap and a wash cloth and lathered his body, moving slowly, his muscles relaxing and the little pains in his hip and groin going away as the heat had done its job.

He washed his face, neck, chest and arms, ran the cloth down over his stomach and around to his ass and as much of his back as he could reach, then he carefully lifted his legs, washing down each, one at a time, ending with his feet.

Feeling marginally better, he used the cloth to clean his dick, but he hesitated when he got to his balls, before carefully swishing the cloth around and wringing it out, dropping it over the towel bar in the shower stall.

His hands rested at his sides for a bit, as he stayed under the spray, but he slowly moved his right one until he was fingering his right testis.

He carefully rolled the organ between his fingers, but he couldn’t detect any defects, any unusual lumps or bumps and was startled, his hand going back to his side as the shower door opened and a very naked Steve stepped in and under the spray. 

His face reddened, because Steve must have known what he was doing, but his lover hadn’t said anything, just quickly washed off and then turned Danny to soap up his back, turned him again so that he was under the spray while Steve lathered and rinsed his hair and then reached for Danny’s head and it was nice…familiar…normal.

Once they were both rinsed, Steve turned off the tap and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist and handing one to Danny.

He told him, “I called Chin and told him we were taking the rest of the week off, but I didn’t say why…”

Danny knew there was a question there, but he just nodded as he dried, pulling his tee over his head and stepping into his boxers, following Steve out to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, watching as Steve rummaged through his drawer to find his boxers.

Finally, Danny told him, “I’m having trouble coming to terms with this myself and since we don’t really know anything yet, I would like to just keep things between us.”

Steve sat on the bed next to him and leaned to rest his head on Danny’s shoulder, nodding and saying, “if that’s what you want, Danno.”

“For now…” Danny wrapped his arm over Steve’s back and pulled him in, thinking for the first time how hard this must be on Steve too. “…we’ll have more answers tomorrow and even then…”

Steve nodded again, craning his neck to kiss Danny’s.

It was soft and a little too careful and for some reason that had pissed Danny off.

He wasn’t made of glass…he wasn’t going to break and he couldn’t stand the idea of Steve treating him any differently than he had this morning before they had known that Danny’s body had betrayed him.

So, Danny turned into the kiss, used his hands to push Steve back onto the bed and crawled up and over top of him, straddling his hips, looking down into those damn eyes that were so fucking easy to read, but Steve reached for him, pulled him down into a bruising kiss, seemingly knowing what Danny had wanted and needed.

They tussled on the bed, rolling around, sucking and licking and nipping until he pushed Steve away and asked, “can I…”

Steve nodded eagerly, reaching a long arm over to the night stand, rooting around for supplies, while Danny pulled off his boxers and tee, started to shimmy Steve’s underwear down his hips.

He handed Danny the lube and a condom, but Danny tossed the condom back onto the table, asking, “okay?”

“Fuck, yeah, baby…” Steve surged up and grabbed his face, kissed him long and hard, biting at Danny’s bottom lip until Danny pushed him away and onto his back, slapping at his hands as he tried to reach for Danny again.

He grabbed both of Steve’s wrists and pushed them over his head, pinning them to the mattress as he sucked Steve’s neck, knowing that he would be leaving a mark, but he hadn’t cared.

Steve could bitch at him later, but judging from the blown pupils and flushed face, he hadn’t thought that Steve really cared all that much either.

“Keep them there,” he told Steve, bouncing his wrists on the mattress, smoothing both hands down Steve’s arms and over his chest, his lips finding Steve’s peddling nipples, sucking in one and pinching the other.

The body under him jumped and squirmed, but Danny used his weight to press Steve down into the mattress, telling him, “don’t move.”

He was a little surprising that Steve had actually listened, giving Danny control, letting his body go lax and still under Danny’s chest.

He spent some time licking at Steve’s navel, tickling his sides with his tongue, before sliding down and between Steve’s legs, pushing his knees back and up.

The hard and bobbing cock took his breath away, just like every other time he had gotten to do this to his lover.

He used his fingers to run over Steve’s thigh, watching his dick twitch and tremble and then his fingers moved up to cup Steve’s balls and he leaned in and took the head of Steve’s cock into his mouth.

He tasted their soap and a little sweat and something that was all Steve, running his tongue over the head to dip into the weeping slit and then he took the whole thing down his throat, hollowing his cheeks and sucking hard.

Steve’s body jerked up and when Danny looked up Steve’s length, he could see that Steve had wound his fingers around the rungs on the headboard and that he was looking down at Danny through his lashes, his lips parted and fuck, Danny loved being able to do that to Steve and then his mind jumped to a dark and terrifying place, a place where Danny would be too fucking sick to fuck or worse…he would be leaving Steve…

“Hey, hey…” Steve was gently thrusting his cock into Danny’s lax mouth, desperately trying to get his attention, “baby…be right here with me, okay…right here and right now…”

Danny took a steadying breath and nodded his head, licking up Steve’s shaft again, still a little surprised that Steve was laying so still, was being so patient with him and then he could feel the tears pressing, but he shook his head and licked lower, refusing to give into his wildly swaying emotions.

He ran his tongue along the rim of Steve’s asshole, quivering as he touched his tongue to soft skin, and fuck, he had to fucking pull himself together.

“I’m right here, baby…” Steve bucked his hips, opening his legs more to give Danny better access, “…right here…feel me?”

Danny nodded again, dipping his tongue into Steve’s hole, licking and nipping, feeling Steve completely relax around him.

He pressed his tongue in again, fumbling with the lube, pouring some over his fingers and adding just the tip of the middle one to dip in with his tongue.

He pulled away a little, pressing opened mouth kisses to Steve’s thigh as he added another finger and then another, listening to Steve mumble and encourage, reaching down to grab any part of Danny that he could touch and then leaning up to his elbows to look at him, to tell him, “I love you so much, baby…do you hear me…I love you.”

Danny pulled his fingers out and hurriedly poured lots of lube over his cock, not caring he was dribbling it on the fucking sheets and bed spread.

“Love you too.”

He grabbed Steve’s hips and flipped him over, pulling until Steve was on his hands and knees, pressing down with a palm between Steve’s shoulder blades until his head was down and his ass was in the air and then he lined up his aching cock, feeling Steve opening for him, and pushing home, until he was in to the root, feeling Steve’s balls slap against his thighs. 

He pushed Steve away and then pulled him back quickly, moving faster and faster and fuck, his knee hurt, but he ignored it and the building pain in his groin, pulling Steve in harder and harder, working a quick and harsh rhythm together and fuck, it felt so fucking good…the slap of sweaty skin on sweaty skin, Steve’s balls bouncing against his own as he watched his dick disappear into Steve’s eager and open hole…and the little aborted noises that fell from Steve’s lips...his own grunts of exertion and the cramping of his finger as he hung onto Steve’s hips.

The part of his brain still working told him he might be hurting his lover, but Steve hadn’t uttered a complaint, just kept his head down and his ass up and his hips moving to meet Danny’s, but still he panted out, “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…”

“I’m not, baby…” Steve grunted out, pressing back with a little more force, almost knocking Danny from his rhythm, but he reached back and held onto Danny’s thigh, “I’m right here, Danny…I can take it...whatever you need, baby…”

Danny grunted out a “mmm hmm,” and let go of Steve’s hips, his pace faltering, his knee screaming at him to just stop, but he couldn’t, because he was so fucking close.

Steve slowed too, but still rocked back into him, squeezing Danny’s cock with each inward thrust with his strong internal muscles until Danny was spilling inside him, pressing in deep as Steve instinctually stilled under him.

He slumped over Steve’s back, reaching around to feel that Steve’s cock was already pulsing, giving him a few quick tugs to help him along and then Steve’s knees went out from under him and he collapsed onto the bed, Danny on top of him. 

Danny breathed in the scent of him, felt the labored breathing under him, and the wiggle of hips, but he hadn’t wanted to pull out, not yet.

Steve seemed to understand.

His lover snuggled down into the bedding and tucked one arm under his head and the other snaked around and behind him, to grab onto Danny’s hip as Danny blanketed his whole body with his own.

They stayed that way until Steve’s breathing evened out and Danny started to feel cold, so he pushed up with a hand on either side of Steve’s head and kissed him between the shoulder blades, dotted little pecks down Steve’s back, carefully pulling his dick out, feeling Steve tense under him a little, before relaxing again.

He ran his hands over Steve’s ass, thumb going to the red hole to sooth and look for any damage, saying, “Oh, babe…I’m sorry…”

Steve rolled over then, pulling Danny into a hug, kissing his neck and down over his chest, telling him, “I’m not, baby…that was fucking hot.”

Danny searched his eyes, but only saw the truth and felt a blush creep up and over his chest and neck, wondering if this might be yet another new kink he could enjoy with his partner.

Steve sat up, and leaned over him, trailing kisses down his stomach and too his hip, hovering over his groin and asked, “did you hurt yourself, Danno?”

His lips sucked at the juncture of hip and groin and Danny shook his head, even though he did hurt a little…but it was mostly a good hurt.

Strong hands massage his thigh and then worked downward, running lazy fingers over his knee joint, asking, “how about here, baby…are you hurting here?”

Danny shuddered as Steve’s hot breath ghosted over his spent dick, feeling some hopeful stirring there, but he really was too fucking old for round two yet. “Nothing some muscle relaxers and Aleve can’t fix…did I tell you about that?”

Steve slinked lower on the bed, still kissing and sucking near his hip joint, shaking his head as his hands moved between Danny’s legs, asking, “Danny, can I…”

Danny nodded, feeling Steve caress his scrotum, gentle fingers rolling first his left ball and then the right, taking his time to feel and press as Danny told him, “It’s just a strain…could be tender for a bit, but it’ll heal and the knee, well…”

Steve looked up to him, a little frown on his face, but Danny went on, “he said it might be okay with some more physical therapy, but that sooner or later I should just have the repair surgery done…you know, after…”

Steve nodded, laying his head on Danny’s thigh as his thumb continued to stroke over his testicle.

Danny finally asked, “do you feel anything different, babe?”

Steve looked to him again, but shook his head, “I don’t…and I am somewhat of an expert on this part of your body,” which made Danny laugh.

He said, “yeah, I guess you are, huh?”

“Yup,” Steve agreed, sliding back up and pulling Danny closer, their sides pressed together, “but that’s good, I think…the pamphlet said that there are two types and the fast-moving kind would be more noticeable and since I have been getting acquainted with this part of you for weeks now and nothing feels different…” 

Danny nodded, asking what he really wanted to know, “when in the hell did you have time to read the pamphlets?”

Steve chuckled against his shoulder, telling him, “you were in the shower a long time, baby and I wanted to make sure you had…done what you needed before I joined you…but how about you? Did you feel anything different?”

“No, not really…I mean I think, anyway…there’s a place near the top…”

Steve reached back down and cupped him again, feeling along the top of his right ball, but shook his head again, saying, “it feels the same to me, but you have had a lot more time to…explore…”

Steve was quiet for a while and Danny had wondered if maybe he was falling off to sleep…he had hoped not, because they both had needed another shower and the sheets were gross and even if he was tired, he knew he wouldn’t rest well feeling sticky.

A little later, Steve took a quick breath and kissed Danny on the temple before rolling away and reaching out his hand. “Let’s get cleaned up and get to bed early.”

They worked together to strip the bed and then Danny padded naked down the steps, taking the blanket and sheets down to the laundry room, off the kitchen, and tossed the load in, before heading back up to remake their bed.

By the time, he had gotten back, Super SEAL Steve had already remade the bed, turned down the sheets and had started the water in the shower.

He found him rinsing under the spray when he had entered the bathroom and pulled back the shower door.

Steve opened his arms and Danny stepped in, resting against Steve’s wet and warm skin, letting Steve shift him so the water was hitting his back but not getting his hair wet, which he had appreciated.

Steve soaped up his back and then his chest and arms, moving to swiftly clean down his body, no teasing or intent to arouse in his movement, just getting them both clean and back into bed as soon as possible.

Once they were both ensconced back under the covers, Steve set the alarm and pulled Danny to rest against his chest, tucking his head under his chin and his arms coming to wrap around him, asking, “how are you feeling now?”

Danny gave it some thought, because he was feeling a lot better, wasn’t as cold and he could think more clearly, but that only reminded him of some more of the details that the doctors had given him and he shivered a little, thinking about what was to come, but his body stopped as soon as Steve tugged him a little closer.

Finally, he admitted, “I’m really scared, babe…I know that they said it was caught early, but still…”

Steve nuzzled his cheek and told him, “it’s the not knowing that scares me the most…”

And Steve admitting that he too was scared did strange things to Danny’s heart, but he nodded his agreement, because the fear of the unknown was very real to Danny also.

“…I know how strong you are, baby…I know you’re gonna fight this with all you have, but it still scares me to think…”

Danny shifted over and pulled Steve to his chest, grateful, in a way, that he could offer some measure of comfort to the man that he had loved so much, “I know, babe…I know, but you’re right…I’m gonna fight and I have you in my corner, so…”

“Damn right,” Steve told him, pressing open mouthed kisses to his shoulder before settling his head down against Danny’s pillow, pulling and pressing until Danny was where he wanted him and then he said, “I’ll always have your back…whatever you need, baby…I’m right here.”

Danny nodded, closing his eyes, knowing that Steve’s declarations were sincere, but that it was a more complicated situation than that, but now, for tonight, he would take comfort in the man laid out next to him and take him at his word.

H50H50H50

Steve had rolled over and tapped the alarm button before it could go off, giving them both a few more minutes of rest.

Danny had slept fitfully the night before, even though his lover had been relaxed as they slipped back into bed after a round of rough love making, which Steve could still feel… the pull of sore and overused muscle in his back and hips, a little tenderness in his ass, which would make it harder to sit today, but that was fine by him, because Danny had done that to him and he would let Danny do almost anything that he had wanted.

Shifting and snuffling from the face and head tucked under the blanket was his first clue that Danny was waking, but he waited a bit more before pulling down the blanket and running his fingers through silky strands of blond hair, scratching at Danny’s scalp with his blunt nails, like he had known Danny had loved.

A muffled, “what time is it,” came from the vicinity of the pillow, so he looked at the clock over his shoulder and then said, “it’s almost seven-thirty.”

Danny moved his head on the pillow and squinted up at him, asking, “have your already gone for your swim, babe?”

He shook his head, not planning on it today, because he hadn’t known how much rest he was going to get the night before either.

Danny had pushed up onto an elbow and ran his hand up and over his face and into his hair, saying, “don’t do that, okay, babe…don’t change your routine because of me…I don’t want…”

But Steve leaned in and kissed him until he shut up and kissed him back. When he pulled away he said, “I didn’t go swimming for me, okay…I swear to keep things as normal as possible, because I know you need the stability of routine right now.”

Danny raised his arm up and over his eyes, rolling to his back and asked, “when did you get so smart?”

Steve followed him, draping his body over Danny’s chest, flinging a leg up and over Danny’s hip, telling him, “I’ve always been this smart…I keep telling you that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Danny reached up and kissed his lips, used his hands to pull Steve’s face closer, telling him, “but don’t let that go to your head…it’s already big enough and if you repeat me, I will deny I ever said it.”

Steve pulled back, throwing back the blankets, shivering in the cool morning air, but he said, “too late…”

Danny chuckled, but sat up, shaking his head.

“If we hurry, we have time for breakfast,” Steve told him, moving to the dresser to get some clean underpants, socks and tees for them both.

“I’m not hungry,” Danny said, taking the clothes from Steve’s hand and getting dressed, rooting through his dresser to find a button up flannel and grabbing his jeans from the closet.

Steve wanted to protest, but knew he had to pick his battles. 

Danny was still mostly healthy and strong. 

It wouldn’t hurt him to miss a meal or two and he probably wasn’t hungry because he had a nervous stomach, so he let it slide.

Steve pulled on his polo shirt and stepped into his favorite pair of cargo pants, sitting on the bed to get on his shoes, a little surprised that Danny had gone for his flip flops.

When he noticed that Steve had stopped tying his laces and looked at him, he explained, “I’m gonna be in a gown and those goofy socks most of the day. Might as well make things as easy as possible.

Steve nodded, going back to his laces.

Once Danny was dressed and had grabbed his wallet and phone, Steve stood too and followed him down the stairs.

He grabbed up the keys before Danny could, smirking at the little frown on Danny’s face, but just shrugged and said, “normal, remember…you asked for normal.”

“I knew that I was going to regret saying that as soon as it was out of my mouth.”

Steve laughed, looking over his shoulder as Danny armed the alarm and locked up the front door, heading for the passenger seat of his own car, but Steve was a little worried that maybe they should have taken the truck, because Danny’s grimace while trying to sit was a little more intense then the days before…of course he was grimacing himself as he sat on his tender ass and had to put up with Danny’s smug smile all the way over to the hospital.

Danny’s appointment card had told them to go to the Imaging department again for his tests and then he was to report to the Urology clinic in the adjoining medical center.

They signed in and Danny shelled out another twenty-five bucks for his co-pay and then they both went and sat, waiting for Danny to be called back.

The wait wasn’t too long, and once his name was called, Steve stood with him, taking in Danny’s grateful smile and leaving no question for the tech as to whether or not Steve would be accompanying Danny.

He grabbed Danny’s hand as they walked through the doors and to the back rooms of the center.

They were shown a changing room and the guy, who had introduced himself as Mike, told them, “Danny can pick a cubicle to get completely undressed. There are gowns already waiting for him. Leave the one open in the back and use the other as a robe…you can leave on your slippers, or use the socks, but the rooms are cold, so I would suggest the socks, brah.”

“Thanks,” Danny said, moving off toward one of the curtained rooms to get undressed.

Mike told Steve, “he can put his stuff in any of the empty lockers and bring the key with him or let you hold on to it…I’ll be back in a few.”

Steve thanked him too, wandering over to the cubicle and peeked inside to see that Danny was already in his gowns and was sitting on a bench to pull on the goofy socks.

He looked up to Steve and smiled, shrugging his shoulders, but Steve knew that no matter how goofy they may be, Danny’s feet were always cold, so the socks were a better choice.

He collected up Danny’s clothes and stuck them in an open locker, asking, “do you want me to hold your phone and wallet, baby?”

“Sure,” Danny told him, handing him the items to be shoved into one of the many pockets on his pants.

Mike came back as Danny was stepping from the cubicle, and Steve was shutting and locking one of the lockers, the key also finding its way into one of his many pockets.

Mike held a few forms in his hands and directed them over to the table and chairs in the corner, telling them, “so I have orders to take Danny into x-ray and then CT scanning with contrast, and then over to Urology.”

Danny nodded, because that sounded right to him, but Mike went on, saying, “okay, Danny. I just need you to sign the consent forms that give us permission to perform the stated tests and to take any measures necessary in the event of a life-threatening emergency.”

Steve saw Danny’s hesitation, but he had already had a hand on Danny’s elbow, so he gave a little squeeze and said, “I’m sure that’s just normal procedure, baby.”

Mike nodded as Danny scrawled his signature over the bottom of each form, telling him, “it’s just standard informed consent, Danny. We are not expecting any problems today with your tests.”

Once the last line was signed, Mike stood, tapping the papers on the edge of the table to line them up and stuck them back into a folder.

Mike told them, “Steve, you can come with us from test to test, but will have to wait in the waiting rooms during the actual test.”

He stood and so did he and Danny, following him out and into the hallway, where a wheelchair was waiting.

Steve was waiting for the upcoming fight over it’s need, but Danny just sorta deflated a little in on himself and sat in the seat, putting his feet up, one at a time, as Mike pulled down the rests and unlatched the breaks, pushing his lover down the hall and around the corner, Steve close behind.

When they come to a room near the end of hallway, Mike used his chin to point to a bank of chairs, saying, “You can wait there, Steve…the x-ray won’t take but maybe ten to fifteen minutes, and then we’ll head to the CT scanner.”

Steve squatted down in front of the wheelchair when Mike slipped into the dimly lit room and laid his hand on Danny’s knee, giving it a gentle squeeze and what he had hoped was a reassuring smile, telling him, “I’ll be waiting right over there when you’re done, okay, baby?”

Danny took in a big breath, but nodded, leaning forward to kiss Steve softly on the lips and then rest his chin on Steve’s shoulder until they heard the door opening again.

Steve straightened up and then stood, watching as Mike backed the wheelchair into the room and away from him.

He wandered over to the chairs, but was too antsy to sit, so he looked out the windows at the end of the hall, thinking that these tests were only a part of the staging process and that if they had caught the cancer as early as Danny’s doctors seemed to think, that the tests would come back good, clear of evidence that it had spread to his lymph nodes or lungs, as testicular cancers usually had if progressed beyond stage one, but still, he had to stay positive for Danny and the brochures he had read had said that even in a higher staging, this kind of cancer was still highly curable.

He had read and reread each and every one the night before when Danny had gone to shower.

He thought that he had had a good grasp on what was to come, even if Danny had been a little fuzzy on the details and could have kicked himself once again for not going to the appointment with Danny the day before.

Yes, he wanted to catch Wo Fat, but revenging his father had not been nearly as important as supporting Danny through what was to come…Wo Fat was his past, but Danny was his future and he had planned for it to be a long and well lived one for them both.

He heard the wheels from the chair rolling down the hall, pulling him from his thoughts and turned to see Mike pushing Danny along, but Danny had a questioning look on his face, so Steve plastered on what he had hoped was a reassuring smile and stepped alongside Danny, grabbing his shoulder and giving it a little squeeze as they walked to an elevator and went up one floor to where the CT and MRI machines were. 

Mike rolled Danny right into the room, not showing Steve the waiting room first. He left them both there while he opened a door on the other side and stuck his head in, talking to the person there.

A young woman emerged from the room, giving Danny a warm greeting, saying, “Hello, Danny. I’m Annie…how are feeling today?”

Danny blew out a breath, but told her, “I’ve been better, but doing okay.”

She nodded her understanding, patting his shoulder, telling him, “I hear ya…so, I am going to ask that you get up on the table and sit and I will be right back, okay?”

Danny nodded his understanding as Mike slipped from the room.

Steve moved forward and lifted the foot rests so that Danny could stand without tripping, taking each of his forearms to pull him to his feet and into a quick embrace.

Danny whispered, “thanks,” against his chest, as Steve released him and turned him toward the gurney like bed attached to the machine with a circular opening, taking a hand while Danny stepped up and onto a foot stool and then managed to turn and sit, dangling his bare legs over the edge.

Annie returned, holding a cup with a lid and a bent straw, telling him, “I need you to drink this while I put in the IV.”

He took the cup and sipped, as she slipped a blood pressure cuff from the wall and wrapped it around Danny’s upper arm and pressed a button to inflate the cuff. 

Steve stayed nearby, glad the tech hadn’t asked him to go sit in the waiting room yet, a little worried about the fact that Danny was going to be put into the machine, even though the ends were open. 

It could set off his claustrophobia and he wondered if he should mention it to Annie, but decided to keep quiet about it for now, since Danny may not have even thought about it himself. 

The blood pressure machine beeped and she noted Danny’s results on a paper she had been holding, and then took the cup from him and told him, “lay back with your head on the pillow, please.”

Steve held Danny’s hand when he reached for it and Annie fluffed his pillow, leaving the cuff in place around his bicep, asking, “are you a little nervous today, Danny?” as she pulled the blanket up to his chest and folded two thicker pieces of material attached to each side of the table over his hips.

Danny shot Steve a look, clearly asking, _what the hell is wrong with this woman,_ but told her, “yeah…I’m a little nervous.”

“Your blood pressure is a little high, so I want you to take some deep breaths and let them out slowly…would it help if your friend…”

She looked toward him, so he said, “Steve.”

“…Steve stayed nearby?”

Danny nodded, squeezing Steve’s finger a little harder, so he leaned over and kissed Danny softly on the lips, letting Annie know that they were much more than just friends.

She smiled at him when he straightened back up and told Danny, “he can stay in here until the scan starts and then Steve can come into the room with me, okay?”

“Okay,” Danny agreed, seeming to relax a little.

Annie pressed the button on the machine again and the cuff filled, measuring Danny’s blood pressure, while she placed some gauze and a little packet on Danny’s chest, pulling on a pair of purple gloves, wrapping a tourniquet around the arm without the cuff. “I’m putting in the port for the IV and then we’ll check your blood pressure one more time. When the contrast dye goes in, you may feel a flush of cold or warmth and you may have a metallic taste in your mouth, you may even feel like you need to pee, but those sensations will pass quickly, okay?”

Danny nodded, once more, looking at the ceiling tiles while Annie pressed around the bend of his elbow and down his arm for a suitable vein, settling on one near his wrist to stick the needle in.

Steve grabbed Danny’s hand again, drawing his attention to him, asking, “doing okay, baby?”

“Yeah,” but then he winced, the needle piercing his skin, so Steve patted his arm, as the blood pressure cuff inflated once more time, saying, “you’re doing so great, Danno…we’re almost done.”

Steve heard rather than saw surgical tape coming off a spool and out of the corner of his eye, Annie securing the needle and Steve was ridiculously thankful that she hadn’t had to stick Danny more than once. 

After some more adjustments to the machine that held the contrast, Annie connected the tubing to Danny’s port and glanced at the blood pressure machine and gave Steve a little smile, telling Danny, “Okay, just relax and breathe.”

Danny took in a few deeper breathes, shivering under the blanket as Annie took both his hands and raised them over his head, to rest above his pillow. “Steve and I are going to step into the other room now and in a minute the machine will be starting up. It’s a little loud, but we’ll be able to hear you if you need anything and from time to time I will be asking you some questions, asking you to hold your breath.”

Danny looked at her and nodded, then looked to Steve and tried out a little smile, so Steve leaned over and kissed him again, saying, “I know you are already thinking about the results, but just try to relax so we can get this over with and get outta here, okay?”

Danny leaned up for a few more kisses, then rested back against the flimsy pillow, closed his eyes and nodded his head, so Steve stepped back and went to join Annie in the other room, shutting the door behind him.

She told him, “please, have a seat.”

So, he plunked into the rolling chair that was pushed back from the desk and he felt the need to say, “thank you…he’s really nervous…worried, so your kindness has gone a long way in helping him relax.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, flicking a few buttons on a control panel in front of her, “I find it helps both the patient and their loved ones, especially when the scan is a part of the staging process for cancer.”

Before Steve could answer, she flipped another switch and said into an attached microphone, “give me a thumbs up if you can hear me, Danny.”

Steve couldn’t really see Danny from his chair, but when Annie said, “good, now the table will be moving under the rings, so you can close your eyes if you want,” he knew that Danny was still doing okay.

Steve wondered again if he should say something about Danny’s claustrophobia, but somehow Annie must have known, or maybe most people felt a little confined once in the machine because she said, “you’re doing great, just breathe normal and slowly…keep your eyes closed.”

Steve watched as grainy images started to display on the screen and when he craned his neck just so, he could see that Danny was in hip deep, but his legs were already out the other end.

From time to time, Annie would ask Danny to hold his breath and then she would flip a button here and there and the next time Steve checked his progress, Danny was in the machine to his chest, but he still seemed to be relaxed, so he slumped back into his seat and looked at the display monitor as more and more images appeared, strangely arranging themselves into something more recognizable as Danny’s chest and stomach, his organs and his bones.

She flicked the mic opened one more time and said, “you’re doing great…we are almost done.”

And less than a minute later the whirling of the machine slowed and then stopped and the bed was backing out of the tube as Steve stood.

He followed the tech back into the room, taking up Danny’s hand again as she unhooked the drip and hooked the tube back up to the blood pressure machine and pressed the button, unfolding the two flaps and letting them dangle from each side of the table, but waiting for the blood pressure results before she used a gloved hand to pick at the tap holding down the needle, pulling it out and pressing down with a few gauze, to staunch the trickle of blood.

She asked Danny to, “hold that for a second,” indicating the gauze, as she tossed the needle and port into the red sharps bin on the wall and then pulled a length of tape from the spool in her pocket, cutting it with little scissors from the other pocket and took over pressing on the tiny puncture site. 

Once satisfied that the bleeding was slowing, she folded the gauze again and secured it with the tape. “Leave that on for a bit, okay? You can take it off when you get home.”

“Okay,” Danny agreed as Annie pulled back the blanket and offered her hand to help pull him into a sitting position, asking him, “are you dizzy…any headache?”

Steve moved around the table, to stand by him, putting his arm around Danny’s shoulder in case he needed something steady to lean against, but Danny shook his head and said, “no, I feel fine.”

“I’m going to ask that you drink a cup or two of water as soon as possible and after you are done with your appointment to get something to eat and to take it easy the rest of the day, okay?”

Mike rolled the wheelchair into the room before Danny could answer, but Steve said, “don’t worry…I’ll take good care of him.”

“I’m sure you will, Steve…nice meeting you both.”

Danny told her, “nice meeting you,” as Steve helped him stand and turn, guiding him back and into the chair as Mike squatted and put down the foot rests, then wheeling him toward the door and down the hall, leaving Steve to pick up his pace to follow.

They went down an elevator and through the main lobby, then down an adjoining hall and past the doors to the medical center where Danny’s GP practiced. 

They turned down another hallway and went through another set of doors and through a waiting room full of people.

Mike stopped at the check in desk and Steve worried that they might have to wait, but after a brief discussion, the door to the left of the desk opened and a man in green scrubs waited as Mike pushed the chair through and to the first exam room on the right. He told them, “I’ll be back to take you back up to the changing rooms and lockers after you’re done here.”

“Thanks,” Danny told him as Mike knelt one more time and moved the rests out of the way so that Danny could stand and so that he could back the chair out of the smallish room.

Once the chair was out of the way, the guy in green moved into the room, introducing himself.

“Hi, Danny…I’m Nick, your nurse…can you hop up onto the table for me?”

Steve held his elbow as Danny did what he was asked, telling him, “this is Steve, my partner.”

“Steve,” Nick said, wasting no time wrapping Danny’s arm into another blood pressure cuff, pressing the bell of his stethoscope to the bend of Danny’s elbow.

He jotted down the numbers with a pen on his hand and Danny smiled, shaking his head.

Steve just lifted a brow and shrugged, thinking, whatever works and watched as he took Danny’s temperature and recorded the numbers the same way.

The guy had to have washed his hands a hundred times a day if he had done that with each patient.

The nurse went over to the computer and typed in the new info and then moved to the sink and both he and Danny smirked, probably had been thinking the exact same thing, but they schooled their features when Nick turned back to them, saying, “Dr. Kalani will be in with you guys in a few…we’re running a little behind today…” he ducked out the door quickly, but before Steve could start up some small talk, he was back with a bottle of water for Danny, telling him, “drink all of this and then I’m gonna get you another, okay?”

Danny took the bottle, mumbling, “thanks, man,” and took a big gulp, drinking over half the bottle in one go.

Nick looked to Steve and said, “I guess I’ll go get that other one now,” and then he was gone again.

Danny sipped at his water at a more subdued pace, but finished it pretty quickly, so Steve took the empty and tossed it in the trash, asking, “thirsty, huh, baby?”

“My mouth is so dry right now…I hope he comes back with more soon.”

“It’s the contrast,” Nick said, as he stepped in just enough to hand Danny the other bottle, “and probably the gross stuff they make you drink before,” and then he was gone again.

Danny nodded his agreement, downing this bottle a little slower.

Steve took the empty when he had finished, tossing it in the trash with the other, asking, “it was gross, huh?”

“Oh, yeah, babe…it tasted like that syrup my mom used to get when we were kids, it was lemon lime or sometimes orange and thick…you’re supposed to dilute it with water, but…this stuff is still coating my tongue.”

Steve thought back to the little kisses they had shared after the CT and couldn’t recall the flavor in Danny’s mouth and he had no idea what Danny had been talking about from his childhood…his own mother had never given him any such thing like Danny had described, so he shrugged and let the conversation drop, because he hadn’t wanted to get Danny started on a topic about something that hadn’t really matter to begin with. 

They didn’t have to wait long though, because in the next minute a woman entered with Nick.

She was older, maybe mid-fifties, her salt and pepper hair swept up into a neat bun at the base of her neck and her glasses perched onto the end of her pointy nose, her rounded cheeks and bright smile was open and pleasant as she moved more into the room and shook Danny’s hand and then turned to him, introducing herself.

Steve took the offered hand and then sat as she did, her flowery dress flowing over her knees as she took a seat at the desk, pulling a pen from her white lab coat pocket, checking the screen in front of her, asking, “should I check your palm, Nick, or did you actually record Danny’s vitals on his virtual chart.”

Nick rolled his eyes and Danny smirked again and Steve wondered if this was just some well-practiced routine to put their patients at ease, but whatever it was, he was grateful that Danny seemed to be relaxed, sitting on the table, his legs crossed at his ankles, and his fingers interlocked, hands resting in his lap.

“I better have,” Nick told her, “’cause I already washed my hands, see?” and he held up his palm for the doctor to inspect.

She hadn’t bothered to look his way, just shook her head and read the information off the screen and Steve had assumed that there had been input from each of Danny’s tests as well, because it took her awhile to get through the information and Steve could see some of the images that she had clicked on and enlarged, from his vantage point.

“So…” she turned her chair toward Danny, rolling a little closer, saying, “I know that we gave you a lot of information to digest yesterday, so I’m glad you brought Steve along, because after a brief exam, I want to go over some of it again, make sure you understand the next steps, okay?”

Danny nodded, but his body tensed and Steve wanted to stand and go to him, but the doctor was standing now, pulling on a pair of gloves as she moved closer, Nick at her side, blocking most of Steve’s view. 

“I don’t want you to worry about this next part, Danny. Dr. Moretz is a wonderful doctor and a dear friend, but I always examine any referred patients…It might seem redundant, especially after having the diagnostic tests today, but I like to confirm findings and see for myself, you understand.”

Steve heard him say, “sure,” and then Nick pulled the curtain over the door and around the bottom of the bed, but he left it in such a way that Steve could still see most of Danny when one or the other moved around the exam table.

Dr. Kalani told Danny, “I’m just going to feel your neck and collar bones, check your belly…”

He couldn’t hear or see Danny’s approval, but he could tell that she was putting words to actions, feeling down Danny’s neck and along the top part of his chest, asking him to lift his arms, taking him by the elbow and holding it against her side as her fingers press up and in deeply, checking lymph nodes, Steve realized.

“Okay, lay back,” she instructed and Steve could hear the crinkling of the protective paper as Danny shifted back and the squeak of the foot rest coming out so his legs were supported.

Nick moved to one side and Steve had an unobstructed view of Danny’s sock clad feet and his gown being lifted, Nicks hands holding it up as she reached under and pressed into Danny’s belly and then moving her hands lower to press along his groin.

Danny flinching when she hit a tender spot on his right.

“Sorry,” she murmured, waiting for Nick to carefully pull on Danny’s right knee, bending it so that she could press into the junction of hip and groin, then lower still to roll each of Danny’s testicles between her gloved hands, asking, “does this hurt?”

“No…just my groin…it’s a strain…”

“Yes,” she agreed. “I know it’s a little tender, as is your knee…”

Steve could see Nick pull something out of the drawer behind him, tearing opened a little packet and squirting the contents onto Dr. Kalani’s gloved finger.

“You’re going to feel my finger in your rectum…it won’t hurt.”

He could see Danny briefly tense, and he wondered if he should give his lover his privacy and look away, but the doctor was brief, turning her hand right and then left, using the other to press into Danny’s belly and then removing the finger, Nick pulling his gown back down to cover his knees.

She stepped to the sink, taking off the soiled glove first and then the other, washing her hands as Nick pushed in the foot rest and held out his beefy hand to help Danny sit up.

He pushed the curtain back as he stepped from the room and then Dr. Kalani said, “how about you slide down and have a seat next to Steve and we will go over a few things?”

Steve jumped up, taking one of Danny’s hands as he slid down, holding on until Danny was seated next to him.

Dr. Kalani moved the rolling chair so that she was in front of them both before she said, “I’ve scheduled the surgery for tomorrow at noon.”

Danny reached for him, so he intertwined their fingers for the duration of the visit, wanting to be able to give strength or comfort or whatever Danny might had needed.

“We will make a small incision, only about two inches, in the right groin and tie off the blood vessels of the spermatic cord. 

Once we know there is no bleeding and we have a good seal, we’ll push the testis up and through the incision, snipping it and the spermatic cord, removing the whole thing and then sending your tissues to pathology for confirmation and staging.

The Pathologist will look at the cells under the microscope and will be able to tell us right away if they are malignant… by the time we get you to recovery, but it’ll take about two weeks until we will know what type of cancer and what stage you are in.

We’ll close you back up with dissolvable sutures…some docs send their patients home later in the day, but you can expect to be spending the night…if everything looks good with your incision in the morning, I will send you home then.

The whole procedure only takes about half an hour to forty-five minutes.

It’ll take a couple of weeks to heal completely, but if you rest over the weekend you may feel up to going back to work on Monday, but only to light desk duty…no heavy lifting or stretching or running…”

She waited for Danny to nod before going on, “we talked about the prosthetic,” she rolled her chair over to the table behind her and pulled a box from the drawer, rolling back and opening it front of them.

There were four little slots, each holding an egg-shaped bag filled with saline.

She went on, handing one to Danny and one to Steve, “if you decide to go with the prosthetic, we can implant it tomorrow after we remove your right testis. 

It’s a pretty straight forward procedure. 

There is an anchor stitch to hold it in place within the scrotum and you would have to be on an antibiotic for about a week. 

The prosthesis can certainly help with self-esteem and body image, but they also have some risks…infection and rejection being the most common.

You absolutely don’t have to decide by tomorrow. We can always implant one down the road, but if you do decide to wait, it would have to be after whatever treatment plan is needed and that is what I would suggest to most of my patients, especially those that are a little older and in a commented relationship.”

They handed back the prosthesis’, Steve squeezing Danny’s hand, feeling a little squeeze in return and went back to listening to the doctor.

“One testicle can do the job of two. 

The remaining one will produce enough testosterone and sperm and may even grow a little larger and you shouldn’t have any problems with sexual function.

You may not feel like having sex for a while after the surgery and treatment and some of the treatment plans can interfere with those functions, but we’ll talk about that later if we have to go down that road.”

She took a deep breath, rolling back in her chair a little, before saying, “I’m very optimistic that we caught this early. But even if it’s more advanced then I think, this type of cancer is highly treatable and highly curable. 

Do either of you have any questions?”

Steve shook his head, because he had had the benefit of reading over the material Dr. Kalani had provided, but he had known that Danny had been too in shock to worry about the pamphlets and who knew how much he had retained from speaking with both of his doctors the day before. 

“I think I have a good understanding,” Danny told her and then looked at him, “I mean, Steve and I have some things to talk about,” and Steve raised the hand he was holding, kissing Danny’s knuckles as he turned back to address his doctor, “but I feel pretty good about my odds…better than I did yesterday, anyway.”

“Good,” Dr. Kalani leaned in a little closer, picking up Danny’s other hand and patted it, saying, “I’m an optimistic person by nature, Danny, but I would never lie to a patient and try to give false hope…you can take me at my word.”

“I appreciate that,” Danny told her and Steve had appreciated her candor too…it went along way to calm his own fears.

She scooted back then, sliding her chair in and under the desk, typing some more into Danny’s chart, telling him, “I want you to get some food into you and rest…you can have dinner and snacks up to midnight, but don’t drink or eat or take any meds after that.

You need to report to the fifth-floor surgical ward by six in the morning and I know that seems early, but there will be a few pre-op tests and the nurses will have to get you ready…which reminds me…”

She slid over a little and pointed toward Danny’s stomach, saying, “You have a fair amount of hair and while a nurse can shave a patch tomorrow, most people prefer to do it themselves, so if you want, when you bath, you can shave a four-inch by four-inch patch, from your hip over, about a half an inch above your pubic hair.”

Danny nodded and they both stood when she did. 

“I’ve already alerted Mike that you are ready to go up and change, so he should be along to get you soon…remember, relax and rest, no food, drink or meds after midnight and I’ll see you bright and early in the morning.” She shook Danny’s hand and then Steve’s as he left the room, leaving them alone for however long it took Mike to come and collect them.

So, he turned into Danny and hugged him to his chest, loving the feeling of Danny’s arms coming up and around his neck.

He asked, “how are you holding up, baby?”

Danny let loose a moist breath over Steve’s neck, making him shiver, telling him, “I’m actually feeling okay,” he pulled back to look Steve in the eyes, saying, “I’m still scared, but it’s better…she sorta rubs off on people, no?”

“Yeah…she sure does.” Steve leaned in for a proper kiss, finally tasting the light lemon flavor as his tongue swirled around Danny’s, sucking gently.

Danny squirmed a little in his embrace and Steve thought that maybe his knee was acting up, or that he needed to use the bathroom when Danny told him, “I gotta go…plus there is lube up my ass and not in a fun way.”

Steve chuckled and released him, watching as he ducked out of the room and headed toward the toilet thinking, that he could rectify that last problem a little later tonight, once they had gotten home.

Steve could make them a good and hardy meal, maybe light some candles and put on some romantic music…

He was determined to help Danny relax and get through the evening in any way that he could and making love to him throughout the night…yeah, that seemed like the most perfect way.

H50H50H50


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn’t help but to lean forward and kiss Danny’s still mouth, pulling back to see that his lover’s eyes were back to half-mast, but not really tracking, so he said, “rest now, baby…the doctor will be in soon and then the anesthesiologist and before you know it, it’ll all be over.”

H50H50H50

Danny walked into Steve’s kitchen, following along behind his partner at a slower pace, watching as Steve went to the kettle resting on the counter, picking it up and filling it under the tap and then putting the pot onto the stove top to gradually heat.

Even though he had felt a little better about his prognosis, after speaking with Dr. Kalani this afternoon, his nerves were still on edge and he had sat quietly all the way home from the hospital, staring out the windshield, Steve shooting him side long glances, but probably sensing that he should just let Danny work through what he needed, only reaching over the console and squeezing Danny’s thigh or patting his knee from time to time, not pushing him into a conversation he wasn’t quite ready to have.

Now, as he watched Steve’s fluid movements, he couldn’t help the little tremors that quaked his body every once in a while, nor the cold flush of his skin, and all he really wanted to do was lay down on the sofa and cuddle into Steve’s, Granny’s, old and warn afghan, sleep a hundred years, hide away from the world for a bit, because tomorrow he needed to have surgery to…remove a part of his body…a part that he might miss…a part that Steve might miss and he knew he had no choice in the matter…no second opinions needed…no time to get used to the idea…an unknown treatment plan and outcome, because that part of him could…was slowly killing him. 

A violent shudder erupted through him, rocking his whole body, so he reached forward to grab onto the table, to steady himself.

Steve was beside him in a flash, so fast that Danny couldn’t quite understand how he had gotten there from the other side of his kitchen, but his lover turned him from the table and Danny let go of the only thing holding him up in favor of reaching for his rock.

He let Steve pull him in tight, wrapping him in strong arms, turning his face up to meet the tender and loving kisses that Steve planted there…his cheeks, his forehead, his jawline and neck, then finally his parted lips.

His eyes teared up and his nose felt stuffy, still not quite believing the love and tenderness that Steve had shown him again and again, but he kept meeting Steve’s gentle press of lips, reaching up to wrap his own arms around Steve’s neck, finding a warmth blooming in his chest and a little bit of peace in his soul.

They had so much to talk about, but Danny hadn’t known where to even start…Steve hadn’t signed up for whatever this might become and Danny hadn’t wanted to be a burden to anyone, which was partly why he hadn’t wanted to tell his family just yet, but Steve…he knew if he wanted to get through this, he would need Steve…his love and his compassion and his strength…his dogged determination, because Danny…he was anything but strong right now, he wasn’t holding it together…he was downright terrified. 

Steve choose that moment to hug him tighter to his chest, whispered against his ear, “one step at a time, baby…”

For his part, he just grabbed the back of Steve’s shirt in clenched fists, trying his hardest to get even closer to this man, rubbing his face against the broad chest and pushing Steve back against the counter.

Danny knew that Steve was right…if he were going to get through the next few weeks or months, he would need to take things as they come, only think about one step at a time, because it was just too much to think about all at once. 

After a bit, Danny finally let go of Steve’s shirt, pushing him away just enough to stand on his toes and kiss him gently on the lips, telling him, “I know, I’m just…”

“Scared,” Steve finished for him and Danny looked up at his lover, taking in the worried frown lines and watery eyes, reaching up to palm Steve’s cheek and rubbed his thumb over it to catch a single tear that had escaped, caressing that beloved face and listening as Steve confessed, “I am too, baby…I am too…but it’ll only make you crazy to dwell on the, ‘what ifs’, so for tonight, let’s get some dinner…warm you up a little, try to relax, get a good night’s sleep…and tomorrow…tomorrow, you’ll have the surgery and…then when we know for sure…we’ll go from there… ” 

Danny rested his head back against the curve of Steve’s neck, but nodded his head and cleared his throat, still leaning heavily against his lover, not in any hurry to move away from him and started to ask, “do you…do you think I…”

Steve snuggled him closer, but hadn’t spoken, had waited, to let Danny get his thoughts in order.

Danny felt his face burning, but wasn’t sure why he would be embarrassed about what he wanted to ask.

Maybe it was because he had already given some thought to the question and he was nervous that Steve wouldn’t be on the same page, but he went on, leaving his face buried against Steve’s shoulder, finding it easier to ask without having to look at him.

“Do you…want me…to have the prosthesis implanted?”

Steve had been keeping up the gentle touches to his back, smoothing his free hand up and down Danny’s side, but abruptly stopped once Danny had gotten out the words and leaned back just enough that he was forced to look Steve in the eyes.

This had been a whole new face, one never seen or cataloged in all their time together, but finally Steve said, “That’s a question only you can answer,” and tugged him back into a bruising embrace.

Danny swallowed a gob of something that had worked its way up his throat and wrapped his arms back around his lover, not sure if he was relieved, but his heart had seemed to settle a little.

Steve’s voice rumbled through his chest and to Danny’s ear, “I do want you to really give it some thought though, baby…but for you…if you think it will help you to feel better about yourself, then do it, but I…I don’t want you to decide based on what you think I want or even tonight, okay…” 

Steve reached over and turned off the burner just as the kettle started to whistle, but went on, “I don’t want you to have it placed tomorrow if you decide you want one, because…I’m worried. She said infection and rejection…your body doesn’t need to be dealing with that if it needs to be dealing with radio or chemo…and please, don’t do it down the road for me either…I don’t think that’ll make a difference to me one way or the other…”

“Okay,” Danny said, “I don’t want to have to deal with it now either…I just, you know…” and he thought that Steve had known.

Danny’s body would be changing after tomorrow and he hadn’t wanted that to interfere with…their life…in or out of the bedroom.

“I think,” Steve said, pulling away, but swooping in for one more kiss, before turning to the cabinet and pulling down a mug for each of them, before going on, “that it’s going to be an adjustment…for both of us.”

Danny leaned against the counter as Steve got out the Chamomile tea and put a bag and some sugar into each mug, pouring in the hot water to seep. He moved to the fridge to pull out some caramel creamer, Danny’s favorite, dropping a good sized dollop into Danny’s mug and grabbing a spoon to stir, saying, “I know you’ve got to be feeling so overwhelmed, baby…” he handed Danny his mug, picking up his own to take a tentative sip, “…that you are probably feeling a little sad, because it’s an important part of you, so if you ever want to talk about it…to me…or someone else…”

Danny hadn’t thought that he could love Steve anymore then he had before, but the man was always proving him wrong.

Danny had been feeling a bit sad…it seemed like such a small thing to be worrying about right now…he had cancer, for god’s sake…shouldn’t he want to get the cancer out at any cost? 

But the, ‘what ifs’, kept popping up in his head, an endless loop of questions…what if losing a testicle made him feel differently about himself…about his manhood and about his sex life and about his desire toward Steve…what if he couldn’t…perform anymore…which was a side effect of the surgery, even if it was an unlikely one. 

And what if he needed treatment beyond the surgery, which would most likely cause some problems in the bedroom…

What if, after having his ball cut out Steve hadn’t found him attractive anymore?

What if he needed radiation or chemotherapy or…both? 

What if, after doing everything he had been advised, it came back…in his remaining testes or somewhere else…his lymph nodes or lungs or brain?

Because late last night, after Steve had fallen asleep, Danny had tossed and turned, before getting up and going down the steps, so as not to disturb Steve’s sleep, and he had found the pamphlets laying on the kitchen table, had carefully read and reread each one and then he had logged onto a website mentioned in the folds of the glossy paper.

Now he had known about all that could go wrong, and was having a hard time remembering, that everything could still go right…that, as his Urologist had reminded him several times already, it had been caught early…good thing he had been sex stupid and clumsy that day out fishing, because his little slip had led to finding the lump, had given him a fighting chance at beating this thing and that it might even all be over with after tomorrows surgery. 

“Hey,” Steve said, snapping him back to the here and now, “I want you to listen to me now and really hear me, okay?”

Danny looked at Steve, really looked at him and then, worriedly nodding his head, sitting his cooling mug onto the counter top.

“Are you listing, Danno?” Steve asked again.

Danny cleared his throat and said, “yeah…I’m listening, babe.”

“Good…I love you…god, Danno…I love you so much and I’ll love you this time next year and the year after that and the year after that…I’ll love you when you’re eighty years old and even more crotchety than you are now...I’ll love you forever… 

You having cancer does not change the way I feel about you…you hear me, baby? 

I’ll love you if you’re not feeling your best and I’ll love you when your healthy and strong once again

If you lose your beautiful hair or if your need to puke all over me or if you need help getting to the bathroom or into bed or bathing…

I’ll be at every appointment…I’ll come with you if you have to have radiotherapy…I’ll sit with you during chemo if you need that to beat this…I don’t care if you’re down a ball or even two…if we can have sex or if we can’t…we’ll get creative, okay? 

I gonna love you right through whatever happens…”

Danny muttered, “wow,” feeling a little shell shocked, because Steve had never spoken to him with such clarity of feeling, with such passion and love, even though Danny knew he felt things deeply, he had trouble articulating those feeling, but not now…not when it counted the most to Danny.

“Wow,” Steve questioned, a little smirk on his lips, “I spill my guts and all you have to say is, wow?” 

Danny shrugged and smiled, knowing that Steve wasn’t really upset, but he couldn’t think of more to say, maybe for the first time in his life, so he decided on action instead and pulled Steve down, nearly knocking the mug from his hand, before taking it and sitting it on the counter near his own, then reaching up and kissing Steve for all he was worth, loving how Steve opened for him, letting him run his tongue over Steve’s tongue and teeth, pressing himself even closer.

The kiss went on and on until Steve’s phone rang and Danny regretfully stepped back enough to allow Steve to pull the cell from his pants pocket and Danny was happy to see the bulge in Steve’s cargos, smirking a little as Steve checked the display, swiping his thumb over the screen to answer, “Chin? What’s up?”

Steve listened for a minute or two, unconsciously tugging Danny a little closer, held onto him a little tighter.

“Yes…okay. Just keep me informed. No, I’m not coming in.” he glanced down at Danny, but this time Danny hadn’t encouraged him to go into the office, this time he wanted Steve to stay with him.

“No…” Steve shot Danny another look, then said, “everything is fine. Okay, thanks Chin.”

Then Steve dropped the phone onto the countertop, tucking his head under his stubbly chin, just holding on.

Danny thought about asking if everything was alright, but if it weren’t Steve would have said something, so he decided not to worry about what was going on at work.

After a bit, Steve said, “hey, baby? How about you get the steaks marinating and I’ll go fire up the charcoal grill…we can eat out on the beach…watch the sunset…”

Danny breathed in Steve’s scent, stepping back, pecking a few more kisses along Steve’s jaw and said, “Okay…and babe?”

Steve had already started to pull away, to move toward the back door, but he turned to look at Danny, so he told him, “I really…feel better now, so thank you…I think I needed to hear how you feel and I ah, I love you too…”

The smile on Steve’s face had him moving toward him, reaching up, on tippy toes to kiss this man, his best friend, his partner, his lover, his…everything.

When they pulled apart, Steve turned him back toward the fridge and the waiting steak and the makings of the marinade, pinching his ass for good measure, saying, “get going, Danno, or we might just skip dinner and go right for dessert…and before you ask, ‘what’s wrong with that’, remember that dessert is meant to top off a good meal…it’s something to look forward too.”

Danny couldn’t argue with that and even if he wanted to, Steve had already gone through the back door, so he went to the fridge and pulled out two filet mignons, wondering when Steve had found the time to make a trip to the market…maybe he wasn’t the only one restless last night. 

He had finally crawled back into bed around three in the morning and when he had rolled over at five, Steve had been gone, but was back again by the time Danny got up around five thirty to use the toilet.

Could be that Steve had made a pre-dawn grocery run in preparation for tonight’s dinner, knowing that after his day, he would need the comforts of a good meal and companionship and home.

So, he pulled a zip lock baggie from the box in the drawer and poured in a little olive oil, cut a lemon and squeezed in the juices and then got down some of his and Steve’s favorite spices from the rack.

He mixed in the ingredients together and added the steaks, tossing the bag from hand to hand to distribute the marinade, then rooted through the bottom drawer in the island to find some veggies for the side dish. 

He settled on slicing up some carrots and bell peppers, some squash and green beans, making little foil packets for both, drizzling the vegetables with the olive oil and some spices, before sealing them in their little foil envelopes, taking out the food to Steve.

He was pleased to see that Steve had moved the smaller charcoal grill down to the beach and had already started up the coals. 

He had also moved one of the picnic table benches alongside of the grill to hold the food and cooking supplies and that he had laid out a blanket and some pillows from the lanai furniture.

Steve knelt by the grill, stacking some of the hotter coals as Danny made his way over, looking up and smiling at Danny when he had handed him the wrapped foil packets and sat the baggie of marinating meat on the bench and said, “How about you go change into some boardies, bring mine too…and some beach towels…on your way back out, grab some dishes and utensils, salt and pepper, some steak sauce and whatever you want to drink?”

“Sure thing,” Danny told him, leaning over for another soft kiss. “I’ll be right back.”

“Good,” Steve called after him. “It won’t take too long for the food to cook.” 

Danny hurried up the steps, changing out of his tee and jeans, finding his and Steve’s swim trunks in the clean clothes pile, stuff they hadn’t used during their fishing trip, but hadn’t gotten around to putting away.

He grabbed Steve’s on the way out of the bedroom, along with some fresh beach towels from the linen closet, before heading back to the kitchen and getting a tray to hold the dishes and forks and knives, and anything else he needed.

He briefly thought about grabbing some beer, but decided instead to go to the dining room and opening the cabinet that held the wine and booze. He selected a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and grabbed two wine glassed from the china hutch, taking everything back to the tray, searching the junk drawer for the cork opener.

Once he had everything piled on the tray and the towels and Steve’s trunks slung over his shoulder, he carefully made his way back to Steve, who was already turning the steaks over to brown on the other side.

He jumped up when Danny reached him, taking the tray from him and setting out what he needed. 

He grabbed his shorts and told Danny, “go ahead and get comfy on the blanket…foods almost done.” And after a quick peck on the cheek, Steve jogged over to the outdoor shower and disappeared around the enclosure to change.

Danny had just laid back onto the blanket, pillowing his head, looking up at the billowing clouds and the defused sun tucked behind a few, when Steve had returned, going back to the grill and their dinner.

“Just about ready, Danno…you want mooing or medium?”

Danny liked pink, but not too bloody, like Steve seemed to enjoy, so he said, “somewhere in between, please,” settling in to enjoy the sun and its warmth on his skin.

He got one of the towels and spread it out over him, hearing Steve ask, “still feeling cold, baby?”

He squinted in Steve’s direction, seeing that he already had one steak resting and the veggie packets off the grill, just waiting for Danny’s to finish.

He was still a little chilled, but not the bone deep coldness he had felt the day before or even earlier in the day, so he said, “a little…nothing a good dinner and cuddling can’t take care of.”

Steve slipped the last steak off the grill, but didn’t douse the flame by shutting the vents and covering it with the lid, telling him, “food first and then some quality cuddling coming right up, baby.”

He watched as Steve arranged the food on the two plates, using the tray to lay out the flatware and food and glasses, sitting the salt and pepper between, fiddling with the cork screw until he had managed to pop the top on the wine bottle, pouring them both a measured cup.

Danny pushed himself up when Steve stood and made his way over, sitting the tray next to him, before plopping down by him too.

He handed Danny his plate and utensils, leaving the wine glass on the tray so that he wouldn’t have to juggle his food and drink.

They both cut into the steak, eating and enjoying, judging by the sounds they were making.

Danny glanced at Steve from time to time, sometimes catching him staring at him, shyly smiling and then they both would go back to eating their dinner.

When he was done, he put his plate back on the tray, watching as Steve poured him a little more wine.

“That was fantastic, babe…thanks.”

Steve put his own empty plate on the tray and pushed it off the blanket so he could scoot closer to Danny, to wrap his arm around Danny’s shoulder and tell him, “Any time, baby…this should become a new tradition, don’t you think…we got fishing and the Royal Hawaiian and now, steaks on the beach, cuddling and waiting for the sun to set.”

“I like it,” Danny told him, scooting down a little, Steve taking the hint and stretching out himself, pulling Danny so that he was resting his head on Steve’s chest, wrapped in Steve’s strong arms, “I like it a lot.”

“Me too, baby.” Steve kissed the top of his head, rubbing his fingers up and down Danny’s spine and he shivered, but not because he was cold.

The sun was sinking lower and lower as they laid together and watched.

Soon it would be dark.

Danny would be able to see what it would be like to lay on the beach and star gaze with Steve, just like he had fantasized about back at the camp site.

He decided to wait until the sun was sinking below the horizon, the sky lit with deep orange and pinks and reds to lean up onto an elbow and give Steve a gentle kiss.

Steve’s hands came up and carded through his hair, kneaded his neck and shoulders, rolling to his side to face him.

Soon the kisses became a little more heated, so Danny sat up fully, swinging a leg over Steve to sit on him, to lean forward to tease and taste, feeling Steve pull him in closer, feeling Steve’s fingers smoothing circles and lines on his sides, on his spine, hands coming to rest on Danny’s ass.

“What do you want, baby?” Steve asked after awhile, chasing Danny’s mouth when he pulled away to look at the man he had loved so much.

“I want…” _You..,all of you…everything you’ll give me._ But he settled on, “I want you to make love to me, babe…I want to feel you between my legs, filling me up…”

Steve sorta growled and pushed Danny off and over, climbing on top of him and kissing him hard, sucking on his tongue and licking the inside of his mouth until he was panting and breathless.

When Steve finally drew away, Danny got a glimpse of the night sky and the hundreds of thousands of stars, but the look on Steve’s face was more beautiful then what mother nature could offer, so he pulled his lover back in to another heated kiss, grinding up against the weight that had pinned him to the blanket.

Steve sucked his tongue and then released him, getting to his knees and offering Danny a hand, pulling him up to his unsteady feet. 

“Get upstairs,” Steve panted, pushing Danny toward the house and Danny hadn’t needed to be told twice. He grabbed the tray and the wine glassed and the half empty bottle while Steve shut the vents on the grill and poured water from a bottle over the dying embers and put on the lid.

Danny dumped the dishes in the sink and took the bottle and glasses up the steps with him, hearing Steve come into the kitchen, shutting and locking the door, entering the alarm code as Danny sat the glasses and wine on his side table, digging around the drawer for the lube, but left the roll of condoms, hoping that Steve would agree, wanting to feel all of his lover.

He had just started to strip off his shorts when Steve came into the room, walking right up to him and pinning him against the bathroom door, doing lovely and naughty things with his tongue in Danny’s mouth.

He could hardly catch his breath, which was obviously Steve’s plan, because each time Danny tried to breathe in deep, Steve moved his mouth to a different part of Danny’s body, to nip and tease, his big hand coming down to palm him through the fabric of his shorts.

“Are you sure,” Steve checked in with him between one of his full out assaults on Danny’s body, currently sucking in a nipple while he stroked Danny’s dick under the swim trunks, clearly intent on making sure Danny was feeling good.

“Never more sure,” Danny panted, trying to get his hands on Steve, but every time he had, Steve’s mouth moved to a different place on his body, sucking and licking and biting and Danny hadn’t ever felt this turned on before, which was saying something since he started sleeping with Steve.

A minute or two later, Steve stepped away, and Danny’s body followed, before Steve grabbed his waist and turned him, pushing him down onto the bed, hooking his fingers in the shorts and slowly pulling them down Danny’s body.

He watched with hooded eyes as his cock was finally freed, springing from the confines of his clothes, and Steve’s head dipping, his mouth enclosing around his cock and sucking until Danny couldn’t stay still.

His hips jutted up, over and over, and Steve let him fuck his mouth for a bit, before moving up and away, wiping his slick lips with the back of his hand and Danny thought, _fuck, that’s hot._

But he hadn’t seen nothing yet.

Steve knee walked up the bed, tugging Danny with him, arranging Danny on his back with his head on a pillow.

He reached over for the lube, putting it on the bed by Danny’s hip and pressed a few buttons on the alarm clock until soft music filled the room.

He slid from the bed and shucked his own shorts, went to the bathroom to grab a few towels, then dimmed the lights, finding the lighter in one of the drawers and lit the candles on the dresser that Danny had thought were just for show.

When Steve slid back onto the bed, he hovered over Danny a few seconds, before closing his eyes and leaning in, calling him, “beautiful,” before he kissed him sweetly on the lips.

Steve’s mouth moved downward again, encircling his nipple, nipping and sucking and bringing the tender flesh to a peddled peak before moving onto the other.

Danny couldn’t help the shiver of anticipation. 

He had wanted this with Steve…had let Steve rim him and finger fuck him and that had all felt good and wonderful…he had loved watching Steve’s face as he fucked him, knowing that he had been giving his lover as much pleasure as he had taken, but still…if he were honest, he was still a little apprehensive and tried to stay in the moment and not think about this being his first time.

“You’re doing great, baby…just relax,” Steve was reading his mind again.

“I am…I’m relaxed.” He defended, although he could feel his body stiffen as he spoke the words.

Steve just nodded his head, like he was agreeing, but he went on kissing and teasing, moving down to Danny’s dick again, taking him in all the way to the root and okay, this was nice, this was fucking fantastic, very relaxing.

Steve hummed around him, hollowed his mouth and sucked, sneaking a finger between Danny’s cheeks and gently pressing at his opening, and Danny couldn’t help the small jump or the tightening of his ass.

Steve licked up his dick as Danny counseled himself to calm down and relax. This was Steve…he could trust Steve.

“Baby?’’ Steve asked, leaning up on an elbow, still stroking his cock. “If you don’t want to try this now, I understand…if all you want is a hand job…”

Danny sat up a little, shaking his head, telling Steve, “I do want it babe…I guess I’m just a little nervous…”

“I get that,” Steve told him, dropping his arm and using both hands to push Danny’s knees back, saying, “I’m going to lick you now and when you are nice and ready, I’m going to put in a finger and then two and if anything doesn’t feel good, you tell me… and when you’re ready for me, I’m going to turn you over, take you from behind.”

Before Danny could say anything, Steve’s tongue had found his hole and he licked and sucked and kissed, just like he said he would, but Danny had something important to say and panted out, “I want…to…be facing you…”

He could feel Steve’s hair tickle his thighs when he shook his head and then he looked up Danny’s body, tongue still lapping at his hole and fuck, Steve was hot as hell, but he said, “It’s your first time, baby…the best position is face down and I don’t want to hurt you…”

Danny shook his head again, but Steve didn’t let him say what he wanted.

“We got time for other positions, okay? Maybe even later tonight, but let me do this my way…I know how to make it good for you and this is the way, okay?”

Danny saw the worry on Steve’s face and knew there was a story there, but he hadn’t questioned him. 

He loved to have Steve under him, be between Steve’s legs, looking him in the face when they made love, so that’s what he wanted with Steve too, but he also knew that Steve knew what he was talking about, so he rested back against the stack of pillows and watched as Steve ducked his head again and went back to running wet and lazy circles with his tongue around Danny’s hole.

Later, he had lost all track of time, Steve pulled away and Danny could hear the lube top popping open and then a finger rested against his hole, slipping in with no resistance. 

He moaned with the pleasure the finger brought.

This was familiar ground and Danny pretty much felt like a bowl of wobbling jelly.

A second finger joined the first a little later and more lube was drizzled, he felt sticky and full, but still good as Steve worked them in, twisting and turning them, making a point to brush against his prostate.

He squirmed a little, the sensation almost overwhelming, but he couldn’t help the grunts that escaped as Steve worked in a third finger, his mouth moving back to Danny’s dick to suck as that finger slid home.

He was okay, though…it was pleasant pressure from behind and sweet suction on his cock and Steve used his free hand to fondly his balls and press a thumb along his perineum and Danny’s hip jerked up and then back and he moaned and moaned and grunted out, “I’m so close…don’t stop…”

But Steve did stop and he shivered when the mouth left him and the fingers withdrew and then Steve was carefully rolling him over, shoving a towel covered pillow under his hips and slid a few fingers back in all before Danny could form a coherent thought and told him, “Fuck, Danny…look at you…”

He snorted, because clearly, he could not look at himself or even see Steve, but he sure could feel him as another finger worked its way into his loosening hole and Danny rocked back onto Steve’s fingers before rubbing his trapped cock against the textured towel and he thought, _what was I worried about_ , but he still tensed a little when he heard the lube top popped open again. 

Steve told him, “relax baby…I’m not gonna hurt you…gonna make this so damn good…”

The fingers in him curled again and again and Danny was going to come, but thought, he should wait for Steve, but Steve was relentless, pressing and stroking his prostate and grabbing his hips to bring him up to his knees so that he could reach around a grab his cock. 

“Oh, oh, oh, oh, god…Steve, I’m gonna…”

Steve’s breath was hot on his back when he told him, “In a second, your gonna feel my cock, Danny…I want you to take a deep breath and relax…bare down when you feel me moving into you, okay…like you’re trying to push me out and I want you to come…come now, baby…”

The fingers quickly left and something bigger pressed at his opening and he took in a deep breath like Steve had said, feeling Steve’s cock pressing against the loosening ring of muscles.

He shook his head against the pillow, feeling the slow stretch and a little burning sting, but before he could tense up, Steve jerked hard at his dick and told him, “bare down, baby and come…come for me now…”

The cock inching into him angled downward toward his belly as he bore down, putting sustained pressure over that little gland a few inches inside and Steve withdrew a little and worked back in, brushing over that spot a time or twelve before suddenly, Danny was screaming Steve’s name, spurting over Steve’s hand, his cock pulsing again and again and his ass muscles spasming around the hard cock in him, making his dick spasm and spurt again and it went on and on as Danny rocked back against Steve, then forward into the tight fist working him through his orgasm and when he could finally breathe again, he felt Steve’s cock thrusting all the way in and pulling all the way out and his toes curled and he dropped his head and he shuddered from head to foot and his cock was still a little hard, bouncing between his splayed thighs as Steve gripped both his hips and moved, faster and faster until he was calling Danny’s name and Danny felt the wet warmth of Steve’s come coat him and fuck…so fucking hot and then finally, Steve slowed and stopped and reached for Danny’s dick, giving him a few more tugs and fuck, if he hadn't come again…not as strong and not as long, but his cock spasmed and his ass clenched Steve and they were both moaning and rambling and Danny never wanted to do anything but this, ever again. 

His legs were rubbery and shaking and his bad knee started to hurt, but he still hadn’t wanted to move. 

It was Steve who finally reached up and kissed him between the shoulder blades, asking, “okay?”

He nodded his head, tried to swallow, but all the moisture in his mouth was gone and his heart was still beating too fast and little black dots danced across his vision and he briefly wondered if maybe he was going to pass out.

Steve rested both hands on Danny’s ass as he started to pull carefully out, taking ages before Danny felt Steve’s head snag a little at his opening, Steve’s fingers pressing into Danny there as he took a big breath and slowly blew it out. 

Once Steve’s cock was gone, Danny felt strangely empty, the warm slide of Steve’s come oozing out, as he managed to straighten his legs and laid down with his hips still on the pillow.

The bed dipped as Steve went into the bathroom and returned with a damp and warm wash cloth to clean Danny’s ass, taking great care to smooth over his sticky cheeks and down the crevice, catching the come and washing it away.

Danny jerked and moaned when he felt Steve’s fingers at his hole, holding him open for a second or two, hearing Steve hush him, before asking, “Does anything hurt, baby?”

He swallowed again, still feeling a little dry, but managed, “no, babe…you didn’t hurt me…promise.”

Steve ran the cloth over him one more time, smoothing something cold and creamy over his ass hole, but Danny was beyond caring…Steve could do whatever, whenever he wanted down there, from now on.

The pillow was jerked from under him, as he was rolled to his side and the cloth found its way to his over sensitive dick, but the towel had done the trick of keeping the mess contained.

He hadn’t even managed to open his eyes yet, but Steve pulled the blanket up and over them and snuggled in close, holding Danny while he smoothed a hand over Danny’s stomach.

Danny finally pried his eyes open enough to see that Steve was watching him.

He gave a little smile and told him, “I know I’ve told you before that you’ve broken me, but babe…this time I mean it…that was fucking fantastic and I can’t wait to do it again.”

Steve leaned in and kissed his nose, his cheek, that little spot behind his jaw and said, “me too, baby…me too.”

Danny had no idea what time it was, but he knew he was tired and that they would need to be up early in the morning, so he asked, “want to sleep? We can shower in the morning…”

“Sounds like a plan…” Steve rolled to his back and reached for the alarm clock, making sure the time was set while he turned off the music.

Danny pushed himself up, feeling a couple of little twinges in his groin and knee, a few in his ass. He got to his feet and blew out the candles, making a pit stop at the toilet before climbing back into bed. 

He was nervous again, but still feeling mostly relaxed, especially when Steve pulled him in and wrapped him in his arms.

He knew that tomorrow was going to be hard on them both…stressful…but for now, he decided, he was only going to think about Steve making love to him and other pleasant thoughts until he drifted off to sleep. 

H50H50H50

Steve woke to Danny spooned against his back, kissing his shoulder, hot mouth moving down his spine as Danny’s fingers found their way around to his cock, so he turned to his back, glancing at the clock before pulling Danny on top of him, asking, “what do you need, baby?”

It was almost five, meaning that the alarm would be going off soon and that they would need to shower and shave Danny’s lower belly before heading to the hospital.

He could feel his own belly roil with the thought of what would be happening today, but he hadn’t wanted Danny to feel the same, so he had determined that he would do whatever Danny needed, to just get through. 

Danny told him, “I just want to not think about it…ya know?” 

He nodded his understanding, shifting until he could roll Danny off him and onto his back, throwing his leg over Danny’s hip to carefully straddle him.

He leaned onto both forearms and licked at Danny’s chest, feeling his lover relaxing under his tender touches.

“Do you want to fuck me, baby? I can ride you…”

Danny’s cock pressed into Steve’s belly, but his lover shook his head and said, “I want…”

Steve shimmed lower, sticking his tongue in Danny’s navel, swirling it around, tickling Danny’s sides as his mouth moved lower still, having a good idea of what Danny had wanted.

He tongued at Danny’s slit as Danny drew his knees up, opening them for Steve and he said, “okay, baby…we’ll give your way a try.”

He found the lube still on the bed, and poured out a generous glop onto his fingers, sucking in Danny’s cock as he reached a little lower, carefully pressing in one finger, watching Danny for signs of discomfort, but none came and Steve was pleased to feel that Danny was still loose from a few hours ago, so he pressed in another.

Danny breathed slowly, in and out, and Steve wondered if maybe he had been falling back to sleep, but then he jerked his hips, a few needy sounds falling from his parted lips, so Steve said, “be patient…soon…”

When he looked up Danny’s body again, after inserting a third finger, he could see Danny watching with hooded eyes, but his body was relaxed and he jerked his hips again so Steve told him, “okay, baby…okay.”

He got the lube again and poured it into his palm, slicking up his dick with more than was probably needed, but he wasn’t going to take any chances.

When he knelt between Danny’s spread legs, Danny pulled them back, hands on his knees, watching Steve as Steve looked down at that perfect cock and ball sack and the rosy little bud behind it and he couldn’t help but to reach forward and caress Danny’s right testicle.

Danny gave him a sad little smile and Steve returned it, reaching forward to kiss him there one last time, drawing it into his mouth to suck a little before smoothing his hands along Danny’s thighs and lining himself up, telling him, “remember to take a deep breath and bare down, baby.”

Danny nodded, breathing in as Steve breached the ring of muscle, forcing himself to stay still as Danny tensed and then relaxed under him.

He pushed in a little farther, watching Danny’s face, but his lover had his eyes closed again and his head tossed back onto the pillow, biting at the corner of his lower lip.

He didn’t see any pain on that beautiful face, so he pushed in deeper and deeper, giving Danny a change to adjust as he went and soon Steve was in balls deep.

Danny squeezed him a few times with his internal muscles, a goofy smile on his slightly parted lips, when Steve groaned loud and long, telling him, “I fucking love when you do that to me, so I’m glad you like it too.”

“Like it,” Steve whined, “I love it, baby…keep doing that.”

Danny squeezed him again as Steve set up a slow and steady pace, leaning over Danny to kiss him as Danny’s legs came down to drape over his hips, to squeeze his waist with strong thighs, heels resting on Steve’s working ass.

They kissed again and again, long and lazy and tender and Steve reached up with one hand to entwine his fingers with Danny’s, to just hold his hand.

Little puffed breaths fell from Danny’s mouth as Steve rocked his hips a little faster, but kept the pace slow and easy.

Danny reached for his shoulders, looked him in the eyes as Steve made love to him and all the, ‘what ifs,’ took a turn working through his mind, but he pushed those thoughts away, because he had Danny, right here and right now, and he was going to make sure that, in the future, whether they were making love or just sitting on the couch and watching TV, that he would be present…that he would live every moment with Danny, because Danny was his life…

A little later, after more kisses and gentle bites and teasing on both their parts, Danny’s hips started to pivot, the heels of his feet pressing into Steve’s ass, his thighs tightly squeezing his waist, so he shifted up a little, getting his knees under him, and pulled Danny up and on to his thighs, changing the angle, hooking Danny’s legs over his arms, asking, “still feeling good?”

Danny’s mouth opened and, “ah, oh, ah, Steve…fuck,” came out on whooshing pants.

“I will take that as a yes,” Steve laughed, hiking Danny’s legs up even farther, to rest on his shoulders as he rocked downward into his lover, telling him, “you feel so fucking tight, baby…so…so good.”

Danny’s hands flailed a little, because he couldn’t really reach him all that well, so Steve grabbed them and held them tight, before guiding one to their joined bodies and one to Danny’s dick.

Danny’s eyes popped opened as he felt the place where Steve’s cock disappeared into him and then he started to lazily stroke his own dick as he watched Steve.

His expression was so open and trusting and Steve’s insides did a funny little flip and he said, “I love you so much…”

Danny panted out, “I love you too,” as he worked his own cock, his other hand dropping away from them and fisting the sheets. “Can you…”

Steve watched Danny’s hand as he stroked himself, his movement getting clumsy and he knew that Danny was close.

He finally asked, “what baby…what do you want?”

Danny grunted, “faster…harder…”

And that was all Steve had needed to hear.

He grabbed Danny’s hips and thrusted into him harder, moving faster and faster, loving the little moans and grunts that unceasingly fell from Danny’s lips, of slick flesh hitting slick flesh and the smell of Danny’s come when he reached down to join Danny’s hand on his dick. 

Danny stomach muscles tensed as he spilt over there joined fists and his heels dug into Steve’s shoulders as he nearly folded himself in half in pleasure, but Steve kept moving in and out as Danny’s eyes rolled back and he let go of his cock but fisted both hands into the sheets.

His internal muscles clutched at his cock and Steve was so fucking close.

Danny shifted under him a little, bringing his legs back down to wrap around Steve’s waist, so that he could get better traction, pounding into Danny’s ass until he tilted over the edge.

When he finally came down, Danny still gently rocked against him, his hands in Steve’s hair, scratching and stroking Steve’s scalp, whispering nonsense until Steve could focus his eyes on his lover, lean over him and kiss him, whispering against his lips, “Thank you...baby…that...was…great.”

Steve could feel Danny’s stomach rumble under him, as he chuckled, his fingers digging into Steve’s shoulder blades as he said, “very eloquent...”

Steve pushed up and off Danny after a few minutes, feeling Danny shift his legs open so he could pull out, telling him, “shut up, you…good sex makes you stupid too.”

He used a hand to press against Danny’s tender looking opening and carefully pulled out.

The sight of his come leaking out made his dick twitch, but even if he could get it up again so soon, they were running out of time.

He reached over Danny and slapped the alarm just as it started to sound, turning the thing off and shifting back to kneel between Danny’s legs, looking for any bleeding or irritation, but he couldn’t see anything and Danny seemed relaxed and not hurting, so he scooted off the bed and held out his hand as Danny swung his legs over and sat up, a small grimace on his face.

“You okay, Danno?”

“Yeah, babe.” He took Steve’s hand and let him help pull him to his feet. “Just a little sore and my knee isn’t too happy, but tough shit, ‘cause I had a great time.”

He led Danny into the bathroom, saying, “glad to hear that…so eloquently put.”

Danny smacked his shoulder as Steve moved to the shower to turn on the water.

Danny moved to the toilet and sat while Steve went out the door and to the linen closet to grab a few towels, giving Danny some privacy.

He waited a good five minutes, worrying that something was wrong, before he heard the toilet flush and the shower door open and close.

When he came back into the steamy room, he hung the towels and joined Danny under the spray, asking, “are you okay?”

Danny nodded, turning his back to Steve so that Steve could soap him up while he washed his hair. “I’m fine…a little tender, but in a good way, so…”

Steve massaged Danny’s shoulders after washing his back, waiting until Danny turned back around to rinse his hair.

Once he did, Steve grabbed the new razor he had brought in with him from the linen closet and asked, “Do you want to do this or?”

Danny picked up the soap and suds up his belly and groin, saying, “you can.”

Steve knelt in front of his lover and carefully glided the razor over soft and curly hair, until he had about a four-inch by four-inch square, just like Dr. Kalani had instructed.

He liked the idea of Danny doing this here instead of letting the hospital staff shave him…it was one more thing Danny could control and even though it were rare, it wasn’t unheard of to pick up an infection from being shaved in the hospital and Steve hadn’t wanted to take any chances with Danny’s health…in fact, his goal was to keep him as healthy as possible so that his body would have a fighting chance to rid itself of any cancerous cells that may still be lurking after today’s surgery.

Once done, he turned Danny back around and under the spray and then opened the door for him so he could step out and dry off while Steve did a quick but thorough wash down.

Within minutes they were both dressed and heading down the stairs. 

Steve wore his usual, but Danny opted for a soft tee and elastic band shorts with his flip flops.

“Should I bring anything?” Danny wondered.

“No need…just yourself and your wallet…I have your cell already…I’ll bring a bag for you in the morning.”

“Okay,” Danny said, but still hadn’t moved from where he had stopped at the bottom of the steps.

Steve stepped a little closer, wrapping an arm around Danny’s shoulder and told him, “we could make a run for it…go away for a week or two…do something you really want to do…what’s a few more days?”

Danny kissed him firmly on the lips, and said, “thanks, babe…it means a lot that you are willing to run away with me…but we both know we can’t outrun this…plus…even though I’m still scared as hell, I want it out, so…”

“Okay, then…let’s go.” He opened the door and let Danny go before him, hitting the fob to unlock the truck door for Danny as he armed the alarm and locked the front door.

Danny shot him a questioning look, but he just shrugged and said, “It’ll be better on your ass, believe me.”

Danny laughed, but said, “I always believe, even when I suspect you are shoveling a load of crap to distract me.”

That had sounded like him, but he wasn’t about to start agreeing with Danny now, so he just shrugged and got into the cab of the truck at the same time as Danny.

Danny’s stomach rumbled as they neared the hospital, but they both knew he couldn’t eat or drink anything for a while.

“I’m sorry, Danno…” Steve told him, pulling into the garage. “but you’ll be scarfing down lunch before ya know it.”

Danny hadn’t answered, just slid down from the truck bench and took the hand Steve had offered him when he came around the truck.

They went into the hospital and checked in with security. He got a visitor badge and Danny got a patient badge which would be replaced soon enough with an arm band.

They found the patient billing and check in and took a number, even though the place was deserted. While they waited, a few more people came into the room to wait and Steve reached over to smooth his hand over Danny’s bouncing leg.

Danny shot him another grateful look as Steve used the tips of his fingers to make soothing patters over Danny’s bare thigh.

A few minutes later, two women came into the room from a back door and seated themselves behind the waiting desks, booting up their computes and then one looked up at the people waiting and called Danny’s name.

Steve stood with him and followed him over to the cubicle, sitting in one of the two seats as Danny dug out his wallet and waited for the woman to acknowledge them.

She finally looked up and gave them each a smile, saying, “sorry about that…the computer is slow today for some reason.”

She went on to ask for Danny’s identification and his health insurance card. After inputting, what was needed into the computer and handing Danny back his stuff, she rolled her chair back and fiddled with what looked like some kind of printer.

Danny handed him his wallet as the woman pulled a hospital bracelet from one tray on the machine and an orange plastic credit card looking thing from the other, telling Danny, “I need you to verify the information on both.”

Danny looked them both over, then nodded his head, telling her, “looks right to me.”

“Good,” she reached forward and took the bracelet, asking him, “can I have your wrist?”

Danny turned his hand over, making a fist as she secured the bracelet to his wrist, telling him, “this one is for the staff, to make sure they have the right patient and the other you can put into your wallet after you check into the surgical ward. We have a new system, so you will need to scan the card at each station until you are brought back to a pre-op room and then you will use the card again for any follow up treatment.”

“Okay,” Danny told her, sounding just a little bit nervous to Steve’s ears.

“Okay, we are all done here,” she said, telling them, “Go back out this door and to the left and you will see a bank of elevators with a red stripe. They will take you up to the fifth floor. Make a right out of the elevator and you will see a scanning station for your card and a waiting area. Just have a seat until they call you and good luck,” she offered as they both stood.

“Thanks,” Steve said, taking Danny’s hand again as they went to the elevators. “How you holding up, baby?” he asked once the doors closed them in and the car moved upward.

“Okay,” Danny told him, but he could see that his lover had a few beads of sweat on his forehead and that he nervously pushed his, product free hair, from his face over and over.

He finally took Danny’s other hand and kissed both sets of knuckles, telling him, “it’s going to be alright…you’ll see,” and he hoped like hell he was speaking the truth and he had also hoped that once Danny was settled in his room they would give him a little something to help keep him calm.

The kiosk was right at the opening of the waiting room, so Danny ran the card under the scanner and they both read the information, which included a lot more than Danny’s name and address and insurance information.

The screen clearly stated that Danny was here for an orchiectomy and that he needed to report to the lab for a blood draw and a urine sample.

Two sheets of papers with instructions printed out below the machine and Steve snatched them up, reading them over as Danny handed him his card and then guiding them to the waiting chairs.

The papers informed him that Danny’s blood draw and urine sample would be done in the pre-op room this visit, but in the future, he would need to report to the cancer center and the lab there.

Steve was glad that Danny hadn’t asked to see the papers.

Danny had sunk back into the chair, had rested his head on Steve’s shoulder, but before too long they heard a familiar voice calling, “Danny Williams?”

Steve spotted Nick, the nurse from Dr. Kalani’s office before Danny could pick up his head, but once Danny was upright, Steve turned and grabbed his hand, helped him to his feet as Nick moved farther into the room.

“Good morning to both of you.”

Danny mumbled, “morning,” as Steve reached out to take Nick’s offered hand.

“I would say it’s nice seeing you, but that would be a lie.” He started to move toward the door he came through, looking over his shoulder to make sure they were following, telling them, “after today, I hope to never see either of you again…”

“Us too,” Steve assured, not missing the little smile on Danny’s face, knowing that he would be in for some follow ups, but that would hopefully be the end of his visits.

Nick led them down a hall and around a corner and then through some doors that required a key card and then down another hall.

Steve spotted a waiting room off to the left, hoping like hell that it would be awhile before he was required to go there.

Nick hadn’t mentioned it, just led them into a curtained off room that was roomy, but not too big. 

Steve took in the narrow bed and the surrounding machines, a door off to the left in the back of the room and a single chair facing the bed.

“So,” Nick said, “welcome to your home for the night…Steve, have a seat and Danny, follow me.”

Danny shot him a slightly panicked look, but quickly pulled himself together and followed Nick toward the back of the room and the little door, which Nick opened and said, “in here you will find a comfy gown, please take off all your clothes and tie it at the back and there are some wonderfully fuzzy socks, which you must wear…Also I need a urine sample, so there is a plastic urinal…go in that and just leave it for me on the counter. 

Take your time, I know you haven’t had anything to drink today, but do your best…even a little will do.”

Danny nodded, casting one more slightly worried look Steve’s way before going into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

Nick moved to a counter along the wall and pulled out a patient’s belongings bag and handed it to Steve. 

“Don’t worry. Dr. Kalani has ordered a mild sedative for him. I’ll give it to him once I get his IV in and his blood drawn. I don’t want to have to stick him more than once.”

“I appreciate that,” Steve told him, clutching the plastic bag in his fist, but relaxed his grip once Danny came from the bathroom, holding his folded clothes, his flip flops dangling from his fingers.

He took Danny’s stuff and shoved them into the bag while Nick told Danny to hop up onto the bed.

He had pulled back the blankets and held them up until Danny crawled in and turned to rest his head along the raised back and flimsy pillow.

“You can just put his stuff in the cabinet, Steve. He’s coming right back to this room after recovery and you are free to wait here or go to the waiting room when the time comes, whichever you prefer.”

Steve already know what he preferred, so he just nodded his head, watching Danny as he watched Nick move around the room.

“I’m going to start your IV and then I’ll be doing a blood draw and giving you some meds through the port before I hook up the saline bag, okay?”

Danny nodded, still looking a bit nervous to Steve.

“Okay…right or left handed?”

“Right,” Danny answered, so Nick moved to his left side, around the bed and stood in front of Steve.

“You can stay there, man,” he told Steve. “Only the IV will be going on this side so you’ll have more room over here.”

Steve nodded, but scooted his chair down a little and closer to the bed so that he could see Danny and Danny could see him.

They both watched as Nick washed his hands and pulled on a pair of purple gloves, opening the packaging holding the IV needle and blue rubber tourniquet, laying out tubes and whatever else he needed, moving the little red trash can closer to the bed. 

He felt up and down Danny’s arm and then tied the tourniquet tightly around his bicep.

He felt the junction of Danny’s elbow again and then downward over the prominent vein that ran down Danny’s arm to his wrist before finally picking up and feeling the veins in Danny’s hand.

He picked up an alcohol swab and washed Danny’s skin, just below the bend of his elbow, then picked up the catheter needle, using his index finger to press the vein there a time or two before placing the needle against Danny’s vein, saying, “a little prick,” and slid it in.

Seemingly happy with its placement, he grabbed a tube and then another, taking what blood he needed for testing as he released the tourniquet, then put each tube on the table before he pulled the bottom half of the catheter needle away and put it on the tray with the rest of his supplies. 

He used a needless syringe to push some saline into the vein, sliding his glove hand over the placement to hold the syringe in place as he peeled the backing off a sticky tab especially made to hold IV’s in place. Once he had it adhered to Danny’s skin, he unlocked the syringe and dropped it to the trash can by his feet, using a little surgical tape to loop the small line and hold it in place against Danny’s arm.

He pulled a prefilled syringe from his shirt pocket and plunged the contents into the port, telling Danny, “this is just a mild sedative to help you relax, but you’ll still be coherent and you can sleep if you want, but it shouldn’t make you too sleepy.”

Steve watched as Danny nodded and then Nick placed the spent needle into the sharps bin, unrolling the drip line and attaching it to the bag of fluids that he hung from the IV pole on the left side of Danny’s bed and then attaching the other end to the port.

The nurse cleaned up his supplies and used a sheet of preprinted labels to attach to Danny’s blood work and then he went back to a cabinet to pull out what he needed next.

Steve used that time to stand and come closer to the bed, to run his fingers through Danny’s hair, to reach for his hand and to give him a little squeeze of encouragement as Nick came back over to the bed and the rolling tray table to set up what he needed for whatever he was going to do to Danny next.

Once he had his supplies laid out, Nick reached for one of the machines and pulled down a blood pressure cuff, wrapping it around Danny’s right bicep and hitting a button on the machine.

He also attached a little white clip to Danny’s left index finger as he waited for the cuff to fill and slowly release, displaying Danny’s blood pressure on the monitor.

“133/88…it’s a little high, but we will check it again once the meds have a chance to kick in, okay?”

Danny nodded, giving Steve’s hand a little tighter squeeze, so Steve moved even closer, hoping that just his presence would help to calm his lover.

Nick pulled on a new pair of gloves and reached for the neck of Danny’s gown, unfastening the snaps there and pulling it down over Danny’s chest, explain, “I am going to hook you up to a heart monitor and then I want you to try to rest until Dr. Kalani comes in.”

He peeled some sticky disks from a paper and attached the disks to Danny’s chest, one just under each collar bone, one lower under his rib cage on each side and one in the middle, near Danny’s heart and then he clipped the leads to each electrode, pulling the wires upward to rest over Danny’s shoulders as he pulled up the gown and fastened the snaps again, attaching the leads to a box that displayed Danny’s heart rhythm on the same screen display that recorded his blood pressure and oxygenation.

When Nick was done, he glanced at Steve and smiled, nodding his head toward Danny and when Steve looked, he saw that Danny’s eyes were almost closed and he seemed to be breathing a little more deeply.

The blood pressure cuff filled again and this time when the display showed the results, they were much better.

“124/82,” Nick said, shucking his gloves and tossing the trash into the can, using his foot to push it back and away from the bed. “it’ll be a bit before she comes in to check on his progress, Steve…might as well try to get some rest too…she has a patient before Danny, and when she does come in, she will talk about anesthesia options, get his informed consent and answer any questions either of you have…after that the Anesthesiologist will come to get him ready for the surgery. Depending on what Danny chooses, he could be moved right into surgery or will be monitored for a while before he goes in, so rest while you can.”

Steve thanked the nurse, snagging his chair with his foot and pulling it closer, sitting without letting go of Danny’s hand.

Nick left them then, leaving him in a room with quiet beeps and whooshes and Danny’s deepening breathing.

He couldn’t help but to lean forward and kiss Danny’s still mouth, pulling back to see that his lover’s eyes were back to half-mast, but not really tracking, so he said, “rest now, baby…the doctor will be in soon and then the anesthesiologist and before you know it, it’ll all be over.”

He leaned forward and kissed Danny’s hand, watching as his eyes fluttered closed, telling him, “one step at a time…that’s how you’ll…we’ll get through this.”

H50H50H50


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve watched as Danny pushed his food away and stiffened, as if he were expecting the worse and Steve felt guilty for not just telling him sooner…on his own, just the two of them, where Danny could react and grieve however he wanted.

Danny’s eyes felt heavy, but he wasn’t really sleeping…at least he hadn’t thought he was.

He could hear the machines near his bed as they beeped and whirled and he could hear voices, sometimes distant and sometimes in the room he had been waiting in and he could hear Steve’s soothing voice from time to time, but he hadn’t felt sleepy…not really… 

More like relaxed and comfortable, warm…heavy.

The curtain at the end of the room whooshed opened and Danny could hear Steve shifting forward in his seat and tightening the hold he had on Danny’s hand.

He hadn’t known how long ago it had been since Nick had given him something to help with his anxiety, which, by the way, had worked great, but he felt like it should be time, if not past time for his surgery to have started, so he managed to pry opened his eyes to see that Dr. Kalani had come into the room. 

She was dressed in purple scrubs, her hair pulled back neatly into a bun and was greeting Steve with a hand shake, turning her attention toward him once she realized that his eyes were opened, saying, “hello, Danny…are you feeling comfortable?”

He thought about opening his mouth to answer, but decided it would be easier to just nod his head instead, looking to his left to see that Steve had stood and was looking down at him too.

“That’s great…I’d like to go over the consent forms and see if you have any questions. Do you feel awake enough?”

He pushed up the bed a little, using his arms and feet, knuckling both eyes, saying, “Ye..yeah…”

“Great,” she pulled the rolling tray closer and positioned it so that part of it was over his lap, where she laid out some papers, grabbing the pen that was tucked into her pocket.

She leaned slightly over the other end, one foot perched on the bar under it, pointing at what paragraph she wanted him to notice with the pen.

For the next several minutes she talked about the procedure itself and any complications that could arise.

He signed each form, confirming that he understood what she had explained and what life saving actions could take place if any such complication were to occur, but she reassured him, “it’s a straight forward operation...it will only take about thirty to forty-five minutes from start to finish.” 

He nodded his head again, his tongue coming out to moisten his dry lips and he wished that he could have a drink of water.

Steve squeezed his left hand once again, reminding him that he was there and Danny turned to look at him, to offer his own small smile of reassurance.

He was scared, he could admit that to Steve and to himself, but the sedation they had given him numbed those feelings and at that moment, he wasn’t feeling so worried.

His doctor gathered up the papers and told him, “I like to give my patients a choice for anesthesia. 

This procedure can be done with a local, which means that you will be in a twilight sleep and not be able to feel anything from your belly button down. 

I usually recommend the local because you don’t have to be intubated and there are less side effects than coming out of a general anesthesia, but some people would prefer to be knocked out. 

In either case, you will need a urinary catheter. 

If you go with the general, we won’t intubate until you are under and in most cases the tube will be removed before you come fully around…you might just have a bit of a sore throat after.”

Danny thought about what she had explained, remembering back to when he was just ten years old and had to have his appendix taken out. 

Then he had been put under and when he had woken up, he remembered being hot and then cold…so cold and then feeling sick to his stomach. 

It was no fun throwing up, but especially with stitches, so he said, “I think I, ah…would like to go with the local.” 

“Okay,” Dr. Kalani moved the tray away, sticking the pen back into her pocket. “The Anesthesiologist, Beth Henry, will be coming in a few minutes to get you ready and I will see you in there.”

Danny gave her a weak smile and listened as Steve thanked her before retaking his seat at Danny’s side, asking him, “how are you feeling, baby? Are the meds helping?”

He shifted over to his side on the narrow bed, pulling Steve’s hand to his chest, saying, “they are helping, but having you here is even better.”

Steve leaned closer, kissing him softly, strong fingers massaging Danny’s neck after their lips parted.

Danny heard the curtain at the end of the room rustling, but he hadn’t cared who was there, waiting until Steve pulled away a bit to glance at someone new waiting patiently by the foot of the bed.

Steve gave him a tiny peck to the corner of his mouth before leaning back in his own chair and the newcomer introduced herself, telling them, “I’m Dr. Henry. I’ve come to administer your epidural.”

He told her, “I’m ready,” and after that things moved more swiftly.

With the help of Steve, she got him sitting up with his legs dangling over the edge of the bed, his upper body curled over a few pillows, Steve standing in front of him, one big hand wrapped around the back of his neck, the other kneading and petting his right shoulder.

She untied his gown and pulled it opened, pushing it off his shoulders to hang over his arms and he couldn’t help the shiver that racked his body, but he hadn’t known if it were from the cool air of the room or his own apprehension.

Steve’s fingers dug in a little more, reminding him that he wasn’t alone and Danny unclenched one hand from the pillows he was clutching to grab a piece of Steve’s soft, blue, tee.

“I’m going to use a few cotton balls and soap to clean your skin…it might be a little cold.”

He nodded his head, not trusting his voice, as something queasy worked its way through his stomach, not able to help the jerk of his body as something cold swiped across the skin of his spine.

“You’re going to feel my fingers and then a few little pinches as the numbing medicine goes in…just take a few deep breaths and try to relax as best you can.”

Fingers pressed into the bony ridges of his spine, and then something sharper dug in. 

He hardly had time to flinch before the next bite came and then another.

She ran her hand over the places where she injected him, taking away some of the sting and he supposed, working the numbing medicine in.

“Just rest a few minutes and then I will be introducing the catheter.” 

“O...kay,” he managed, relaxing his hold on Steve’s shirt, loosening his fingers.

Steve leaned over a bit and he lost his grip, but hadn’t minded since Steve was pressing kisses to the top of his head, whispering in his ear, “you’re doing great, baby…almost done.”

He had little reference for what was coming next. 

When Rachel had been in labor with Grace she had refused all drugs, but he had vaguely remembered seeing a video in one of their birthing glasses and thought that there was no way a needle that long could go in between the vertebrae of someone’s spine and thinking about it now made him shiver and sweat…he could feel it gathering along his hairline and over his forehead.

“You’re going to feel a little pressure,” she warned, before she started.

He felt Steve’s hand tightening on his neck and then more than a ‘little’ pressure and then a zing of electricity shot down his right leg, making it jump. 

“You’re doing great…arch your back a little toward me...” 

He tried to do as she asked, rolling forward on the pillow and touching his head to Steve’s belly and took in a big breath though his nose, holding it. 

“…good…now, breathe slowly.”

Soon, the deep pressure and little jolts down his leg had stopped.

He heard her move away, pulling tape from a roll and using the tape to secure the tube up his spine.

“All done…could you help…”

Steve’s hands went to his shoulders, supporting his upper body and the pillows fell away as his legs were maneuvered back onto the bed and he was laid down flat. 

Once he was settled and Steve was pulling the covers up to his chest, she told him, “your legs should already be feeling heavy…in about fifteen minutes you’ll be numb enough to be moved to surgical.” She fiddled with the tubing that extended beyond the piece taped down to his back and over his shoulder and then told them, “I’ll be back in a little bit to check on you before they move you.”

He nodded, suddenly feeling very cold, so cold that his teeth started to chatter and before she stepped out she grabbed an extra blanket from a cabinet and covered him, telling them, “it’s normal to feel cold after an epi…just try to relax and it will pass in a few minutes.”

Once she had stepped out, Steve sunk back into his chair, taking up Danny’s hand again, but he couldn’t tell if it were he or Steve that was trembling, so he looked to his partner, taking in the sheen of sweat on Steve’s brow and the paler of his skin and shook the hand he held and said, “it’s okay, babe…really, I’m okay.”

Steve swallowed, then nodded, telling him, “I know…I just hate this so much…”

“Me too…” but before he could say more, Nick was back.

“Sorry to interrupt, but we need to get your cath in before they move you.”

Danny had hoped that they would wait until he was in the operating room for this bit, but he sighed and said, “okay,” paying more attention to Steve then what Nick was doing.

He couldn’t feel his legs being moved, only the rustling of covers at his chest as he was manipulated into the position the nurse had wanted.

Steve leaned in closer and petted his hair, so Danny closed his eyes until it was over.

It hadn’t taken very long when Nick had announced, “all done,” and he opened his eyes, a little surprised that he hadn’t felt a thing, not even pressure.

His left leg was close to the edge of the bed and he saw that gravity was taking it over, but before he could say anything, Steve had grabbed his calf and pushed his leg back up and under the covers and still, he had felt nothing.

Dr. Henry returned as Nick was cleaning up and he had realized that he wasn’t shivering anymore.

She smiled at him as she lifted his covers and felt around his belly, telling him, “tell me when you can no longer feel my hands.”

Somewhere around his belly button he lost track of her gentle touches and told her so.

“Okay…seems like we are ready to roll. I’ll be right back.”

When she stepped out, Steve stood and clung to the raised rail with both hands.

Two men came then, so Steve leaned over the rail and kissed him gently on the lips, softly saying, “I’ll be right here waiting for you…”

Danny couldn’t help the tears that pressed the back of his eyes, because, of course Steve would be waiting right here, of that, he had no doubt.

Another gentle kiss dotted his mouth and then they were pulling him away, bed and all and once they got to the door, Steve’s hand dropped away and Danny felt adrift, like his lifeline had been severed, but Nick patted his arm and told him, “Steve will be right there as soon as you get back…don’t worry,” and he wondered if maybe he had been given something through his IV that he hadn’t seen, because he felt warm and heavy again…safe.

The trip down the hall seemed long and drafty. 

The sheets blew up as they turned a corner and Danny felt gooseflesh rise on his arms, but the next turn brought him to a set of double doors and a brightly lit room beyond.

It was small, a little cluttered and nothing like operation rooms looked like on TV.

A few people wearing scrubs and masks greeted him, taking his gurney in the rest of the way and then strong hands were lifting him over to the other table and his body was pulled down the bed and arranged.

He looked down as his legs were parted and someone had slipped long sleeve like material over his feet and up to his thighs and then each leg was rested in a support that someone else had attached to the end of the table and his legs were covered with ugly green sterile drapes as was his chest and torso, leaving only his groin exposed.

Someone else took his left arm and pulled it away from his body, strapping it down to an extension from the table and his blood pressure cuff inflated, meaning that it had been hooked back up.

Dr. Henry leaned over the head of the table, affixing an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, telling him, “relax…take deep, steady breaths now."

He heard a radio, or maybe a CD since Bruce Springsteen went from singing, ‘Brilliant Disguise,’ to ‘Tougher than the Rest’, and then the familiar voice of Dr. Kalani as she spoke about him to her colleagues, before moving closer to him, telling him, “we’re going to get started in just a minute," a sympathetic smile reflecting in her light brown eyes.

He nodded his understanding, his eyes wandering around the room before looking up at the ceiling tiles.

Cool air caressed his skin and when he looked down, his doctor was standing between his spread legs, her body angled to the right, but the anesthesiologist put her hand on his forehead and pressed his head back to the table, reminding him, “nice and steady breaths…just close your eyes and relax.”

He felt a flush of warmth up his arm and over his chest and his eyes closed on their own and the music and machines muddled together to create a soothing back ground of white noise.

Every once in a while, his surgeon would speak to him, but he found it hard to open his eyes or answer, but he thought he may have nodded a time or two and then somewhere along the way the background noises faded and his eyes grew even heavier and he relaxed into a drugged sleep, only stirring sometime later when Dr. Kalani patted his chest and told him, “we’re all done, Danny. Everything went like expected, so get some more rest and we’ll talk once you are back to your room.”

He thought he nodded, but maybe not.

He felt his body lifted and cool air caressing his skin and then more beeping and whirling and another, deeper voice, telling him to sleep and so he did.

H50H50H50

Steve paced the length of the room, back and forth, back and forth, counting his steps as he went.

He managed nine before he would have to turn and work his way back to the curtain that blocked the view of the hall.

At one point, he had pushed the pink, paisley, material aside, but all around him were other curtained off rooms with people waiting for their turn to go under the knife or with people who had just returned from surgery…all these people around him…hurting…and, and sick…

A little boy, maybe a little older than Charlie, has walking up the hall toward him, pushing an IV pole along in front of him and his dark hair was missing in patches…his legs and arms so skinny and his eyes were sunken and hollow but when he looked up at Steve as he approached, he still smiled and gave a little wave, even though he had seemed sick…so very sick.

Steve tried to smile back, to return the wave…

And once the boy had passed, he quickly pulled the curtain shut, practically running for the chair and sank down, seeing Danny in his mind’s eye.

Danny skinny, a bag of bones.

Danny’s hair falling out in clumps.

Danny’s eyes, haunting and sunken.

His once bright and mischievous smile gone…replaced with something brittle and hopeless.

“Just stop it,” he told himself, “stop it right now…Danny’s going to be fine…he will…”

Steve took in a steadying breath and slowly released it, shaking his head, trying to knock loose any useless thoughts and worries.

“Fine…he’s going to be fine.”

He stood to resume his pacing, because at least that gave him some purpose…he could count his steps until Danny returned and they both were told that Danny was going to be okay, but as he stood, the curtain was pulled back and Nick came into the room.

“I just wanted to let you know that Danny is in recovery and that everything went as well as can be expected.”

Steve sank back into his chair, expecting a ‘but’, but Nick only said, “he should only be there an hour or so and at some point, Dr. Kalani will be along to let you know any news.”

“Thanks,” Steve said, resuming his pacing as soon as Nick left, letting the regimented feel sooth his frazzled nerves and trying not to think the worse.

After a few more circuits, he decided that he had seen enough of the small room, so he stepped out into the hall, only this time all the curtains were closed or mostly closed and no one, sick or healthy walked the halls.

He went around the corner to the nurse’s station to tell the woman behind the desk, “I’m with Danny Williams…I’ve been told he’s in recovery for at least an hour, so I’m going to step out…”

She nodded, typing into her computer, no doubt looking up Danny’s chart, asking, “Steve, right?”

“Yes,” he said.

“We have your phone number so if we need to reach you before he goes back to his room we’ll call.”

“Thanks,” he called over his shoulder, even more eager to escape the ward.

First, he went to the waiting room, not wanting to go too far, but the place was packed with people waiting to hear about their loved ones, so he went through the double doors that led him to the elevator, that led him to the lobby, and out to the side walk where he finally felt he could breathe again.

Once there, he found a bench and sat, resting his head in both hands, feeling his heart start to settle and shit, he was getting soft.

He had never had this sort of freak out over any of his other men before, but that was just it. Danny was so much more than just one of his men, his work partner or even a friend…yes, he was all those things, but so much more and god, Steve loved him…loved him so much that just the thought…just the tiniest chance of losing him was causing Steve to spin out like he had never done before.

He had never ever felt this way…about Cath…or anyone else he had ever dated.

Danny was…well, Danny was it for him.

He would never want anyone else.

So, he sat and calmed himself…felt the hot sun on his back and lifted his face to feel it there too.

People came and went, walked right by him, not even giving him a second look, which most have meant that he could pass…no aneurysm face, as Danny liked to say, so he stood, walking back toward the hospitals main entrance, thinking he could grab a sandwich from vending and maybe some coffee…could go back to Danny’s room and wait more patiently and calmly for Danny to return.

Just as the automatic doors parted a phone jingled in his pocket and from the ring tone, he knew it wasn’t his.

He stepped to the side of the lobby, pulling out Danny’s phone to see Grace’s beautiful face on the display.

Taking one more calming breath, he answered, hoping that his voice was steady and normal as he said, “Grace face…”

“Uncle Steve?” she asked, no doubt wondering why he was answering her dad’s phone.

And as he hadn't wanted to worry her he answered, “Yup…your dad’s a little busy right now, so I picked up when I saw it was you…is everything okay?”

She sounded a little relieved when she answered, “Yeah…just that…mom has a conflict in her schedule for tomorrow and asked me to call to see if dad can pick up Charlie today from school…she said we can switch weekends if he wants…I had a in service day today for school and then practice for cheer later and am staying over Amelia’s tonight, but if dad wants to switch, he can pick me up at noon tomorrow.”

“Umm…” 

“It’s okay, Uncle Steve…I don’t expect an answer right now…just let dad know and tell him to call mom if he can’t switch and she will work something out.”

“Yeah, sure…I’ll tell him as soon as I see him, but I’m sure he can work something out…”

“Thanks, Uncle Steve…tell Danno I love him and will talk to him later.”

“I will…as soon as I see him, I’ll tell him…have fun tonight Grace…”

“I always do…bye.”

“Bye…”

Talking to Grace always made him happy, so he felt a little lighter as he glanced at his watch and decided to forgo his sandwich and coffee…he could wait until he filled Danny in and work out a plan so that Danny could have his kids with him this weekend.

Taking the elevator back up, he bypassed the waiting area and went back to the small room and the empty chair to wait.

He had only started to thumb through a magazine when Danny’s doctor stuck her head into the room.

He stood, even though she told him, “It’s okay, Steve…have a seat.”

He sank back down as she came the rest of the way in and told him, “I just wanted to tell you everything went well, the tumor was a bit bigger than I expected, but it looked to still be contained inside the organ.”

He nodded his understanding, wondering if that would mean Danny’s treatment would be different than what she had told them, but she went on, “Pathology has already called to confirm its malignancy, which we expected and they found some abnormal cells in some of the blood vessels in the organ itself.”

He nodded again, but could feel the blood draining from his face, because even though they had strongly expected the tumor to be cancerous, Steve still had held out some hope that it wouldn’t be, even if only subconsciously and the abnormal cells...what the hell did that mean?” 

“It’ll take ten days to two weeks for the Histology report to come in and I still think we are in good shape, but at this point I would like to prepare you both for the possibility of a course of Radiotherapy…I’ll get together some pamphlets for you and I will go over everything again once Danny is fully awake.” 

Steve couldn’t seem to find his voice, so he nodded once again, clearing his throat a little and then saying, “I ah…okay…should I ah…”

“He’s on his way back here in a few and he’s still pretty groggy, but once he’s more alert, I promise to go over everything with him…you don’t need to worry about that, okay?”

“Ah, yeah.” He dried swallowed and then nodded one more time, “yes, okay.”

“Okay, good…I’ll be back around in a few hours.”

Now he stood, telling her, “yes, okay…we’ll see you in a few hours.”

She patted his shoulder before turning to go and once she was gone, Steve sank back into the hard chair, willing the threatening tears to go away, knuckling at his eyes.

He didn’t have the time to wallow… 

They had known that some sort of treatment beyond the surgery was a possibility and now that it was confirmed, they could work out the next part of the battle plan.

He straightened in his chair when he heard a squeaky wheeled bed being rolled down the hall toward him.

The curtain was pulled back and the bed maneuvered around so that the head came into the room first.

Danny lay peacefully unaware and Steve suddenly hoped that he would sleep for a while longer yet.

As the men locked the brakes on the wheels, he couldn’t help but to step closer, to run his hand over Danny’s forehead and mussed up hair, fingers scratching as Danny’s eyebrows raised and then scrunched together.

Steve leaned over and kissed a frown away, telling him, “it’s okay, baby…you’re okay.”

Nick joined him as the orderlies left and the nurse went about hooking Danny back up to some of the machines and then rooted through the cabinet for something while Steve continued to pet Danny’s arm, to take up his hand.

He noticed that Danny’s legs were opened and slightly bent just as Nick opened a package and twisted and snapped the cold pack inside. 

He told Steve, “we’re going to use ice packs for several hours and anti-inflammatory meds to help keep the swelling down in his scrotum…because of the manipulation from the surgery he will have some swelling and bruising, but the ice will help and he will be leaving in the morning with some mild pain killers too.”

Steve watched as the nurse lifted Danny’s blanket and removed a spent pack before replacing it with the new one.

Danny shivered but he stopped once the blanket was back over him, so Steve sank into the chair to wait.

After Nick recorded a blood pressure and took Danny’s temp, he said, “they will leave his caths in for a few hours. 

The epi will help with his post op pain but once he is weaned off and it’s removed, I’ll take out the urinary cath and we’ll get him up and walking around. 

He’ll get lunch and dinner and if everything looks good, she’ll spring him in the morning.”

Nick shucked his gloves and continued, “we’ll give him mesh briefs before we get him up, but it’ll be a good idea to pack a pair or a jock strap and some loose-fitting shorts for his trip home.”

“Okay,” Steve said, having already made a list of things Danny would need over the next few days and had planned to make a stop at the store on his way home later tonight. “I’ll take care of it.”

Nick nodded, smoothing the blanket out over Danny’s legs before saying, “He’s sedation is wearing off and because it was a twilight sleep he can probably hear you if you want to talk to him…of course he may be sleeping on and off…he’s already come around a few times in recovery, but he probably won’t remember that...feel free to turn on the TV if you want. The controller and the call button and the bed controls are all on the same remote.” Nick attached the controller to Danny’s pillow and called over his shoulder as he stepped out, “call if you need anything.”

Steve told him, “thanks,” and then went back to rubbing Danny’s arm.

He stayed that way, staring out the window while he spoke, soothing words, but mostly nonsense since Danny was unlikely to remember anyway.

The sky was overcast now, the bright sun from earlier tucked behind some dark and threatening clouds.

Giant drops of rain started to pelt the glass as Steve watched on.

Danny had been back in his room for about an hour when he started to stir.

He rolled his head on the pillow and frowned, licking dry lips, making a tiny, needy, sound that had Steve squeezing his hand again, asking, “are you waking up, baby?”

"Ohhh…" Danny mouthed, dark eyelashes fluttering against his pale cheeks.

"That’s it, baby…open those baby blues.”

Danny opened his eyes, but they hadn’t seemed to be tracking just yet, so Steve leaned over and kissed his cheek, the tip of his nose and the corner of his mouth, pulling back to see those blue eyes slightly crossed, but at least Danny was smiling when he licked his lips again.

“Need a drink?" Steve moved over to the tray table and filled the cup with one of the juices that Nick had left when he had come to replace the cool pack and take Danny’s vitals, holding the straw to Danny’s mouth, saying, “here, take a drink."

Danny swallowed with a grimace and then looked around with hooded eyes. 

“If you’re still sleepy, rest some more…I’ll still be here waiting for you when you wake.”

Danny opened his mouth, but closed it again, then reached around, patting at the pillow, looking for something.

Steve realized he was looking for the bed remote, so he unclipped it and handed it to Danny, watching as he adjusted the bed so that he was sitting up a bit more and then he looked down to his lap, a puzzled expression on his face.

Steve asked, “are your legs still numb…you should have most of the feeling back by now…they’re going to take the catheter out of your back soon.”

“Weird,” was all Danny managed before he closed his eyes again, but they popped back open a second later and he said, “did it…did it go okay…has the doctor been in yet?”

“No,” Steve said, even though it was a partial lie. She had come to speak with him but hadn’t been in to see Danny yet. “But she should be coming by soon…how are you feeling, baby…anything hurt?”

Danny seemed to be taking stock, but then shook his head and said, “no pain…not really…I’m still a little numb and…cold?”

“Yeah, baby…they have a cold pack down there to help with the swelling, but I think that’s the last one you’ll need for a while.”

“kay,” Danny yawned again, but shook his head as if to cast off his sleepiness.

Steve hadn’t known what else to say at this point but then he remembered Grace’s phone call, so he told Danny, “Gracie called, said something about a schedule conflict, Rachel asked if you could get Charlie today and switch weekends,” he hurried on to say, “I can get Jerry to pick him up and watch him at my house and I’ll watch him over night and see if Kono can take him to the beach in the morning when I come to pick you up…Grace needs picked up at noon, so it’s doable…”

Danny seemed to be thinking about it, but nodded, more alert, he said, “let’s just stay at mine this weekend…easier…less fuss that way and the kids won’t have to pack…”

“Yeah, baby…sure…I’ll arrange everything and by the time Charlie gets home and Grace is picked up, you can be resting on the sofa…I’ll make lunch or we can order out…rent some movies…”

Danny cast him a suspicious look and Steve hoped his face was in neutral, because the last thing he had wanted was for Danny to start asking him questions, but apparently, his face hadn’t given him away, because Danny just nodded and shifted back against the pillows.

A second later Dr. Henry came in and announced that she would be removing the tube from Danny’s back.

This time Steve helped her roll Danny to his side and within seconds she had peeled the tape back and pulled the whole thing off just as if it were merely a band aid.

Danny hadn’t even flinched.

He watched as she peeled an actual band aid and stuck it over the tiny puncture the needle and tubing had left behind.

“You’ll have some soreness, but if you feel any sharp pain around the puncture or if you develop a headache or fever, let the nurse know.”

Steve rolled Danny to his back and tucked the blankets around him as she finished typing something onto the computer and they both thanked her before she left.

“Everything feeling okay back there,” Steve asked when he noticed Danny was biting the corner of his bottom lip…a sure sign that something was going on.

But Danny nodded, telling him, “I think so…I can feel both legs now, but my right hip area is still pretty numb.”

“Well, they did say it could take several hours for the drugs to leave your system…”

“What are we talking about?” Nick asked as he pushed the curtain aside and come into the room.

Danny told him about the numbness, but the nurse hadn’t seemed too concerned, echoing what Steve had said. “Should have all your feeling back by later afternoon, which is when we’ll be getting you up and moving, but first I’m going to take out the urinary cath, check your vitals and order your lunch.”

Steve went back to his chair as Nick pulled the sheet up to Danny’s hips and the blanket back to his thighs.

He watched as Danny glanced down and then looked away again, so he asked, “what’s good for lunch around here,” which got Danny’s attention and Nick talking as he pulled on his gloves.

“Well,” he said, hands moving just at the corner of Steve’s vision, since he made the point to look at Danny’s face while Nick worked. “There’s chicken or turkey or tuna on whole wheat…a side salad and soup and Jello.”

“Yum,” Steve snickered, but before Danny could even complain, Nick was dumping tubing into the red waste can and taking off his gloves.

“It’s not so bad,” Nick told them, “but dinner is usually better and if you tolerate lunch well, Steve can even go down to the cafeteria for you or order out…as long as you stay away from high sodium and fat, that is…but, I have a menu for you, which I will bring in once I get your vitals.”

It took only seconds to check Danny’s temp and get the last readings off the machine for his blood pressure.

While Danny was occupied with the check, Steve stepped to the corner of the room and called Jerry, asking him to pick up Charlie at three thirty and take him to Danny’s until Steve arrived in the evening.

Thankfully he hadn’t asked any questions beyond inquiring about Danny’s injury, which the team had been informed, so they all still thought that Danny had tweaked his knee and pulled a muscle, and would continue to think so until Danny informed them otherwise.

He asked to speak to Kono, who readily agreed to pick Charlie up for a morning and take to the beach and to collect Grace at noon and bring both the kids back to Danny’s house.

With that bit of business settled, he went back to his chair, hearing the tail end of Nick’s insistence that Danny use the urinal until all the numbness had gone and they got him up to walk later in the day.

Danny sent him a pleading look, but he just threw up his hands and shrugged his shoulders, signaling that Danny was on his own for this one, but secretly pleased that his lover was starting to seem like his old feisty self.

“Not negotiable,” Nick was saying, going as far as to hang the thing by its handle from the bed rail, making Danny turn an interesting shade of pink. 

“Well, don’t leave it there,” Danny whined and Steve chuckled, but Nick just rolled his eyes and picked the thing up and shoved it under Danny’s blanket, near his left hip.

“I’ll leave it here, out of sight and when you need to use it, be sure you do.”

Danny blow out a breath and hadn’t looked happy, but Nick turned on his heels and winked at Steve as he stepped out, having won that round with his hard-headed patient.

Later lunch had arrived.

Danny had gone with the turkey and side salad and veggie soup and nibbled on the offering while Steve sat back to watch, his own belly rumbling since he had skipped breakfast and forgone his mid-morning snack.

“Babe,” Danny said, pulling apart his sandwich, taking tiny bites, but he hadn’t looked too interested in his food anyway, “go get some lunch…I promise not to go anywhere while you’re gone.”

It wasn’t that he thought Danny would go for a stroll or anything, but he was worried about missing Dr. Kalani’s visit and he wanted to be there when she explained things to Danny.

“I will…” he stalled, checking his watch again. “I just…” and before he could finish his sentence, Danny’s doctor came into the room, with a fistful of pamphlets.

Steve watched as Danny pushed his food away and stiffened, as if he were expecting the worse and Steve felt guilty for not just telling him sooner…on his own, just the two of them, where Danny could react and grieve however he wanted.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When nothing else was forthcoming, Danny carefully pulled the curtain back an inch or two to see Steve standing inches from it, tears in his eyes and Danny felt like the biggest, fucking, asshole in the whole world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. RL has been hectic and I always lie to myself and say that things will slow down in the summer. Anyway, thanks to all those still reading along. I figure I will update more if I go with shorter chapters for now.

Danny had managed to sit up on the bed and swing his legs over without too much pain.

It was almost two in the afternoon and he had needed a fucking nap after getting home from the hospital this morning and Kono would be dropping off Grace and Charlie soon anyway.

He could hear Steve puttering around in the kitchen, humming a little tune that Danny hadn’t recognized, probably some Hawaiian lullaby and then his heavy foot falls as he walked toward Danny’s bedroom.

Soon, Steve stuck his head inside the partially closed door, no doubt checking to see if Danny had been awake, and then giving him a bright smile when he saw that not only had Danny been awake, but had even managed to sit up on the bed…like that had been some fucking feat, to actually get out of bed on his own.

“I just wanted to see if you wanted a little something to eat while we wait for the kids, or…”

“I think I’ll wait,” he said, sliding to the edge of the mattress, putting a hand on his night side table to help support his weight as he stood.

Steve moved forward, but hadn’t helped…just let Danny do it on his own and Danny felt a little guilty all over again for yelling at Steve when he had only been trying to help him get out of the car this morning.

It was stupid, really, but Danny hadn’t wanted help, had wanted to be able to do things on his own, even if he were still very numb in some spots and very sore in others.

Steve hoovered for a beat or two until Danny got his balance and walked slowly and stiffly to the dresser to pull out a pair of newly acquired briefs, a clean tee and shorts, saying, “the kids will be here soon, so let’s order something out and watch some movies or something.”

Steve nodded, and watched him as Danny hobbled his way to the bathroom door, a perplexed and uncertain expression on his face.

Any other time, Danny would have grabbed his hand and dragged him into the shower for some fun before getting clean, but not this time.

Steve had followed him a few steps, before Danny crossed the threshold and started to close the door, something he also wouldn’t have normally done, but there was nothing normal about his current situation and told him, “I’m just gonna be a few minutes, babe…”

Danny continued to close the door, locked it even, and then heard Steve’s, “okay, Danno…I’ll, uh, I’ll go order a pizza and see what’s good on Netflix,” and then he heard Steve’s bare feet padding away to the other room. 

He leaned against the door for a moment, feeling like a bit of a asshole, but he just couldn’t handle…well, anything right now…he couldn’t deal with Steve and his pity, or whatever it was that shone in his eyes and even the thought of his kids being around him, because he was…he was sick…sicker than he had thought, than anyone had thought and he had to figure out how to deal with his own emotions…how to accept those facts before he could think about Steve and his faces or explaining to Grace and Charlie that they might…that he might…

Fuck…he was a mess, but he doesn’t know what to do…

His whole world went off the rails when Dr. Kalani had come to tell him that he not only had cancer, which he had already known…deep down…he had known that, but that hadn’t stopped him from hoping that maybe, just maybe he would somehow be cleared, somehow, he would be in that one percentile of patients with a lump in their testis that hadn’t been cancerous…but not only that, not only had she confirmed his cancer, now there were some concerns that it had spread, that it might already be in his lymph nodes and that would mean a more aggressive approach…her words…a more aggressive fucking approach to his treatment plan, because now they couldn’t wait and see…he couldn’t chance having the bimonthly testing and blood work, no, now he needed to be proactive, get out ahead of his cancer, also her words, whatever the fuck that meant…

…wasn’t he already behind…anyway, the point being, he needed to do more, he needed to go to the cancer center in a week or so and see the radiologist, but not just any radiologist, a radiologist oncologist and work out a treatment plan, because…

…oh god…he had cancer…

He had fucking cancer and it had been worse than his doctors had originally thought and what the fuck was he supposed to do now… 

“Baby?”

Danny bolted away from the door he was leaning on, catching his reflection in the mirror over the vanity and briskly wiped at his leaky eyes, clearing his throat and saying, “ye…yeah.”

“I ah…pizza is on the way and the kids will be here in ten…do you, ah…”

“No,” he dragged his palm over his face, looking at his reflection again, taking in a raged breath, but managing to calm his racing heart and clear his cluttered mind. 

He had to have been in here for a while, or Steve wouldn’t have come looking, so he said, “I’m fine, babe…I’m almost done.”

“Okay,” Steve said, but he hadn’t sounded too convinced. “I ah…I’m going to go wait for the pizza then.”

“Yup…” 

Danny waited a second or two and then pushed away from the sink and turned to the shower stall, fiddling with the temperature knobs until the shower was warm enough, but not too hot.

He pulled his shirt over his head and tugged on his shorts until they dropped off his hips and hit the tile floor and then he looked down at himself, taking in the crisp white bandage low on his belly and the briefs so out of place, something he hadn’t worn since he had been eight years old, telling his mom then that he hadn’t wanted to wear old men underwear, so she had gotten him boxers, even if they had had Superman on the them.

Finally, he hooked the underwear with his thumbs, pushing them down and off, letting them drop to the pile of dirty clothes already on the floor and stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain closed behind him.

He turned his back to the spray, letting the water sooth away some of the tension in his shoulders and neck, reaching for the body wash and a cloth hanging over the rail.

He made quick work of washing his arms and chest, trying to keep his bandage as dry as possible. He reached around and got as much of his back as he could, feeling the little Band-Aid still over the puncture wound from his epidural and peeled it off, rolling it up and sticking it on the soap dish to he tossed away later and then he ran the cloth a little lower, over his ass.

He worked his way down his body, washing his thighs and calves next, feeling little twinges and some numbness still in his right groin, but the doctor had assured him the numbness would disappear after some time, then he picked up each foot, cleaned his toes, the soles of his feet, his heels and ankle, rinsing the cloth and soaping it up again to clean that one last spot.

Last evening, after Steve had gone home to take care of Charlie, with a sweet kiss good night, and a promise to be back to get him first thing in the morning, Danny had worked up the nerve to slip his hand under his sheets and blanket, to gently prob over the bandage and the junction of his thigh and then lower still, feeling the swell of his junk in his hand, but also a flatness where a piece of him had been missing and then he had felt so overwhelmed, so full of self-pity, that he had buried his face into his pillow and cried until he had fallen asleep.

This morning, after breakfast and a visit from his surgeon with the news of his upcoming treatment, he had slipped his hand down there again, noticing that he hadn’t been as swollen, but just as flat and surprisingly, not nearly as upset and out of sorts.

Now, he ran the wet and soapy cloth over himself, still a bit swollen, but now that he had been standing, not nearly as flat.

Yes, he could tell that it wasn’t the same, not that he had been expecting the same…he hadn’t really known what to expect, but he supposed that at least standing up, the difference wasn’t so bad and if what Dr. Kalani had told him about his remaining testis actually happened, that it would grow a bit bigger, he figured it wouldn’t be that noticeable to him, but what would Steve think…which brought him back around to the question of was it fair to expect Steve to have to deal with…this…him…everything.

Steve had said that he was in it for better or for worse, but should Danny expect him to keep his word…should he even allow Steve too? 

Was he being selfish by holding onto Steve, who had in no way signed up for this shit.

They wouldn’t know…they couldn’t know what would be next and was it fair for him to take Steve into the unknown…maybe he should just let him go…

“Baby…”

Danny jumped and dropped the soap, ready to rip the curtain back and rip Steve a new one for scaring him, or, or, for not giving him some privacy and hadn’t he locked the fucking door, but before he could do or say anything, Steve went on, “…I just want you to know that…”

When nothing else was forthcoming, Danny carefully pulled the curtain back an inch or two to see Steve standing inches from it, tears in his eyes and Danny felt like the biggest, fucking, asshole in the whole world.

Steve ripped the curtain back the rest of the way and stepped under the spray, clothes and all and grabbed him and pulled him in tight, burying his face in Danny’s wet hair and tugging his shivering body in closer still and said, “you don’t need to do this, baby….you don’t…because I swear….I promise…”

Danny nodded his head, because even though Steve couldn’t get the words out, Danny understood what he had wanted to say, so he leaned in even more and then wrapped his arms around Steve’s broad back and just hung on.

Kisses rained down on his head and face as the cooling water pelted his back and then Steve backed him into the corner and lowered his head to kiss Danny’s mouth, soft, and then deeply, and then just down right possessive, until Danny could feel his dick take an interest, could feel Steve’s arousal pressing into his belly, but that, apparently hadn’t been Steve’s intention, because he pulled back and kissed Danny’s neck, mumbling into the sensitive skin of his throat, “I love you, baby…I love you so fucking much, you hear me…”

He was nodding his head before he even realized and said, “I know you do…I love you too, babe…so much, but I…”

“No,” Steve told him, reaching around and turning off the spray, “no buts, Danno…” and then Steve stepped out, dripping all over the bathroom floor, before shucking his sodden shirt and shorts, tossing them into the stall as he grabbed Danny’s hands and carefully helped him over the rim of the tub.

He wrapped Danny in a towel, guided him to the toilet to sit as he briskly dried himself, kneeling in front of him and taking up Danny’s hands, just looking at him, his eyes bright but still a little wet and just waited, waited for Danny to see the determination there, the devotion, the outright stubbornness and then, finally, with the softening of his expressive face, the unconditional love and Danny’s own eyes filled and he slumped forward into Steve’s embrace, telling him, “I’m sorry, babe…so, so, sorry.”

And in answer, Steve just held on tighter, nodding against Danny’s shoulder, saying, “it’s okay, baby…or it will be. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, no matter how hard you push me away…I’m staying, you understand, so get that through that hard head of yours, or I’ll just keep reminding you.”

Danny chuckled then, because he knew how stubborn Steve could be, but he also knew how much Steve could love, so he nodded again and sat up and wiped at his eyes and told him, “okay, babe…I know and you might have to remind me sometimes, but I know…”

Steve nuzzled his neck and then backed away a little, grabbing another towel to dry Danny’s shoulders and back and then he helped Danny to his feet and kneeled back down to get the first aid kit from under the sink. 

Within minutes Steve had peeled the wet bandage off, inspected Danny’s dissolvable stiches and smeared a thin layer of antibiotic cream over the incision.

“This looks good,” Steve told him, “let’s put on a new bandage and get you dressed…the pizza is getting cold and the kids are probably half way through Princes Bride by now.”

Danny’s mouth dropped opened as Steve stuck a self-adhesive gauze over his stiches, giving the bandage a gentle kiss and then took his hand, leading him back to his bedroom.

He looked at the clock to see that he had been in the shower for almost an hour and shook his head.

“What,” Steve had asked, putting Danny’s pile of clean clothes on the bed while Danny sunk down to the edge.

“I just…” he shook his head again and said, “I hadn’t realized I had been in there so long…”

“Freaking out,” Steve finished and Danny wanted to be mad, to maybe rant a little, because that would be normal and deny he hadn’t been freaking out…but no, that had been exactly what he had been doing.

So, he just leaned forward and kissed Steve softly on the head and said, “thanks for coming and getting me.”

Steve nodded, shaking out Danny’s new tightie-whities and kneeling to help Danny thread his feet through, looking up with such gratitude and love and…something that looked a lot like faith, telling him, “anytime, baby…I’ll come get you whenever you need me too.”

Danny could feel himself tearing up again, but then a loud thump and a little boy’s squeal drew both their attention to the door and Steve said, “your kids are waiting to see their dad…I think they know something is up, but…”

Danny stood and pulled up his undies and shorts, taking a second to adjust himself as Steve went to grab his tee and told him, “our kids, babe…our kids.”

The megawatt smile that Steve sent him, hit him like a ton of bricks and the tears that were threatening earlier, might just yet fall, but he covered by pulling on his tee shirt and allowing Steve to pull him in close to his side and walk him down the short hall to the living room where Grace and Charlie both hollered, “Danno…” and then, “Uncle Steve,” and they both got a armful of happy kids, hugs and kisses and Danny thought, _I can do this...now I know what to do when it gets to be all too much._

And Steve…he just smiled and nodded and mouthed, _love you, baby,_ as Grace and Charlie talked over each other, pulling them both to the couch to watch as Buttercup and Wesley rode off into the sunset together to live happily ever after.

H50H50H50


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you,” he told Steve, “you know that, don’t you?”

H50H50H50

This week had been the longest week ever, at least for Steve. 

Danny’s doctor had told them both, when Danny had been released from the hospital last Friday, that they should have an action plan by the coming Friday, which was today.

That he would need to go to the cancer center to visit the radiology department before said treatment would begin on this coming Monday.

Danny had an appointment for today at noon and Steve was antsy.

His partner was currently working on paperwork in his office, while Steve pretended to be doing the same in his.

He just couldn’t seem to settle and concentrate on any one thing today and the almost constant concerned glances from different members of his team certainly weren’t helping his mood either.

Over the past weekend, Danny had spent time with his children, but in the end, had decided not to burden them, Danny’s words, not his, with the knowledge of knowing that their dad was sick and so Steve supported that decision.

It was Danny’s move to make.

Danny hadn’t told anyone…Rachel or his kids. His parents, his family, his team…Steve was the only one who knew, and for some reason, that was terrifying…to be responsible for carrying this burden with Danny, this terrible secret, not being able to confide in anyone. 

Was he enough?

Was he strong enough?

Was he going to know what to do or say when Danny needed him?

A sudden tapping on his windowed door made him jump in his seat and look up from his darkened computer screen.

Chin was standing on the other side, his brow raised in question.

He shut the lap top and motioned for his friend to enter.

“Didn’t mean to startle you, brah,” Chin told him, plopping down in the chair across from Steve’s desk. “Just wanted to see if you wanted me to order you something for lunch? We decided to get subs from Jersey Mike’s, Danny’s favorite dive.”

Steve shook his head, telling him, “No thanks…Danny and I have an…appointment in,” he looked at his wrist watch, “half an hour…in fact,” he stood then and walked around his desk, but as he reached for the door handle, Chin cleared his throat, so he turned back to look at his friend.

“You know we are all here for you and Danny…”

Steve nodded, because he did indeed know that his friends, his family would be there for them both, but with Danny not wanting to tell anyone…

“…and so, if you ever need to talk about whatever is really going on, I’m here, man.”

Steve nodded again, not knowing what to say. 

They worked with people who could read situations for a living, it shouldn’t be a surprise that they suspected something more than a sprained groin and an old knee injury was going on.

But it wasn’t his truth to tell, so he laid his hand on Chin’s shoulder, telling him, “thanks, man.”

Danny looked up from his laptop when Steve rapped on his door frame, pointing to his watch.

He watched as Danny nodded and typed something into his computer before shutting the lid and pushing back from his desk.

He stood stiffly and winced, but Steve didn’t move to help him, because he knew that Danny wouldn’t appreciate the gesture.

Danny’s stitches had dissolved, and the incision site was healing nicely. 

He seemed to be moving without much pain now, but Danny had told him that his hip and groin were still uncomfortably numb and that things just still didn’t feel right.

A call to the doctor had confirmed that some men could experience numbness for months after an orchidotomy, so they both tried not to worry about something that might turn out to be the new norm for Danny.

“You want to get a quick bite to eat before we head over?” he asked as Danny closed a folder and tossed a pen that had been tucked in his shirt pocket onto his desk.

His partner shook his head, coming around the desk to follow Steve over the threshold and down the hall toward the double doors to their unit.

Steve nodded at Lou on his way by, noting that Kono was standing at the computer, while Jerry worked on his laptop at the conference table and Chin went through some files.

Jerry jumped up once they had reached the doors and headed toward Kono, but Steve couldn’t hear what was being said, because Danny had already made it to the elevator and was holding the lift door open, waiting for him.

The drive over to the hospital was unusually quiet, in fact, Danny had been unusually quiet for most of the week and Steve hadn’t known what to do or say to draw him out.

He had hoped that once they had gotten this week over with and Danny’s treatment started, that the …awkwardness between them would dissipate.

The cancer center was on the hospital’s campus, so they parked in a different garage and took the elevator up to the ground floor and lobby of the building.

Once there, a large sign pointed to the console, where Danny had to pull out the card that had been given to him the week before, when he had checked in for his surgery.

Now, he ran the card under the scanner and the wide screen flashed the words, ‘checked in’, and a few printed papers slotted from the bottom of the machine.

Danny handed him the papers, as he pulled out his wallet and tucked the card back in, saying, “well, I guess we have to go up again.”

Steve glanced at the top sheet, nodding his head, as he read that they were to take the elevators to the third floor and have a seat in the waiting room.

On the top sheet, a summary for his appointment was printed and instructions to report to the radiology department, included directions to get to the right section of the center.

A directory for the building showed them that the blue elevators took them to all four levels and that the green ones only went from garage to lobby, so they went down the hall and around a corner to find the bank of elevators and Steve pressed the button to go up.

When the doors parted, they stepped in, alone in the car and as they ascended, Danny reached out and grabbed his hand, saying, “I’m sorry, babe…I know I’ve been…”

“Weird, aloof, standoffish,” Steve joked when Danny hadn’t continued.

“All of that”, Danny laughed, “and then some…but I…I don’t know how to explain, but just…just know, that I love you, okay…and I’m sorry for this past week and I’m sorry for the next few weeks…I just…I feel like I’m going a little crazy…”

Steve asked, “and that’s different, how?” hoping like hell that Danny would find the humor in his statement, but really hoping that Danny would see, that Steve was here now, and he would continue to be here for Danny, no matter what else might happen.

“You’re soooo not funny,” Danny told him, but leaned in anyway and kissed him, so Steve wrapped his arms around him and held him even closer.

The lighted number over the door flipped to three and Steve whispered, “you know I am hilarious, baby,” which seemed to startle a laugh from Danny, who nodded against his chest and then straightened as the doors parted. 

They stepped from the car, and as they followed the signs and found the waiting room, they continued to hold hands as they sat in the empty back-row.

A little later, Steve brought Danny’s hand up and kissed his knuckles, telling him, “it’s okay to feel the way you feel, baby. What’s happening is crazy, but I swear, we are going to get through it.”

Danny sighed and leaned against his side, telling him, “I know you think that and I hope it’s true, babe…I do…but I just don’t know…I can’t think about it too much, because if I do…it’s real and it’s happening and then the, ‘what ifs’, start up and I just…I can’t go there, ya know?”

Steve thought that he knew, so he said, “Yeah, baby…I know,” and kissed the top of Danny’s head again and wrapped his arm around those broad shoulders and leaned in too and waited.

Because for all that Steve wanted everything to be okay, for everything to go back to what passed for normal for them, he couldn’t make this go away, couldn’t take this burden for Danny…he could only hold on and try not to go a little crazy himself.

H50H50H50

“So, what do you think is really going on?” Jerry asked as soon as Steve and Danny had cleared the doorway. “I mean, something has to be up.”

“Why do you think that?” Kono asked, as she looked up from the file she had been reading. 

It was the fourth time that she had gone through the second victim’s financials, but just like the other times, nothing new stood out.

They didn’t have anything else to work with and with two dead bodies and a similar MO, with fifteen victims in Florida, they needed to find some kind of connection, if they had any hope of stopping whoever was behind the killings.

“Come on, you’re the detective…can’t you see that something weird is going on with Danny?”

She had, in fact, noticed that Danny hadn’t been himself and had broached the subject with Chin a few days earlier, but Chin had just told her that if Danny wanted to tell them what was going on, that he would and that she would just need to be patient and supportive until then.

So, she answered, “whatever is going on is Danny’s business and if he wants to tell us, he will.”

“Yeah, but…”

Chin piped in, “no buts, Jer,” from his place at the conference table. He had a stack of files in front of him, filled with notes and case reports requested from the mainland, but he thought that he better nip whatever this was in the bud. “If Danny doesn’t want to tell us what is going on, we will just have to respect that.” 

“Respect what?” Lou asked, coming from his office with the take-out menu from Jersey Mike’s in his hands.

He plopped down beside Chin, as Jerry pulled out a chair and accepted the menu to look over. 

He was really craving an authentic Italian cold cut…ham, capicola, provolone cheese and Genoa salami, topped with lettuce, tomato, onions and peppers…but the cheese steak was equally as delicious from Jersey Mike’s…they toasted the whole sandwich, which just put it over the top, as far as he was concerned.

As Kono sat and he handed her the menu, he finally said, “something is up with Danny and McGruff clearly knows…he’s been acting squirrely.”

“Squirrely,” Lou repeated, lifting his brows and rolling his eyes at Jerry, but he wasn’t deterred.

Something wasn’t right, but more than that, something was seriously wrong.

He could just feel it and wondered why everyone else couldn’t…or maybe they could feel it and just didn’t want to acknowledge it, whatever it was.

So, he said, “yeah, squirrely...I mean, we have an active case and he hasn’t once wanted to go shake down anyone or blow something up.”

“Well,” Kono said, handing the menu off to Chin, “to be fair, we don’t have sufficient leads to point to anyone to shake down and he can’t just go around blowing stuff up willy-nilly.”

“Okay, but what about Danny?”

“What about him,” Chin asked, tossing the menu to the middle of the table.

“He’s been…” Jerry didn’t know how to word what he wanted to say, because whatever was wrong with Danny was…subtle. 

Sure, he griped and complained and waved his hands around when he talked, but he just seemed…not as animated.

Like he had been replaced with a less passionate Danny.

Similar, but a little off…and if you paid any attention at all you could tell at least that much.

Plus, he seemed to be in discomfort and sure, Jerry had known the official ‘cover’ story…that Danny had hurt himself and that he was healing, but to Jerry, whatever was going on hadn’t seemed like an ending to something.

It felt more like a beginning. “…off,” he finally finished his thought.

“Like I said,” Chin sat forward, pushing the paperwork aside, “if Danny is going through something, he will tell us when he tells us and if Steve knows, that’s their business.”

“I guess,” Jerry conceded, knowing that he wasn’t going to get any further then he had with this conversation, so he changed the subject, asking, “so what do we all want…I’ll go pick it up, it’ll be faster that way.” 

And if on his food run he did a little digging into Danny and Steve’s whereabouts, that was all his business.

H50H50H50

“Danny Williams?”

Danny lifted his head from Steve’s shoulder, seeing a petite blond in purple scrubs, holding the door to the back rooms open with her foot, looking down at a folder she was holding.

He patted Steve’s leg as he stood, telling him, “be back in a few.”

Steve nodded, but looked uncertain and Danny wished that he could have brought Steve back with him, for both of their sakes.

But today was about getting measurements and images and making sure that the radiologist had the correct alignment for his treatments.

Which meant that he would be in the actual treatment room and no one was allowed in those but the patient and the radiologist and techs that would be administering his treatments.

Which started on Monday and that was about all he knew for now, as he had to go see his Oncologist right after to find out the histology results and his actual treatment plan.

When Steve still looked dubious, he suggested, “Why don’t you go grab some lunch babe…I’m gonna be at least an hour, so…’

Steve stood too, leaning in and kissing Danny softly on the lips, smoothing a gentle hand up his back, telling him, “that’s a good idea…I’ll be back before you are through.” 

He watched as Steve headed to the door and then turned to meet the woman waiting for him.

She smiled as he approached and told him, “my name is Ann, follow me.”

She moved briskly down the hall and through another set of doors and then around a corner and to a room, where she opened the door and told him, “this is a changing area. There are several stalls and lockers. Pick one and change out of your clothes and put on a gown opened in the front and then have a seat. Someone will come and get you when we are ready for you.”

He nodded, turning to take in the room, with a bank of chairs in an L shape, a low table holding magazines, and a small TV mounted to the wall. 

Beyond the chairs were a row of lockers, with keys hanging from some and others keyless, presumably in use and beyond those, both sides of the room had four cubicles each, with curtained doorways, but they all were pulled open, so he picked the one closest to him and slipped in, pulling the curtain closed behind him.

He found a bench to sit on and a stack of plastic wrapped green gowns on a ledge that ran the length of the cubicle.

He unbuttoned his dress shirt, slipping it from his shoulders and then pulled his tee shirt over his head, folding both and sitting them on the bench before sitting himself, to toe off his shoes and take off his socks. 

He stood then to unzip his dress pants and push them down and over his hips, stepping out of them, folding them and adding them to his pile.

He picked up one of the gowns, unwrapping the plastic and noting that the fabric was thicker than any he had to put on before and that it fit more like a robe than a standard issued hospital gown.

Once the ties were secured in the front, he remembered he still had on his briefs, so he shimmied out of them, noticing a stack of green fuzzy socks and a sign instructing him to put them on, with the grip side down.

So, he sat again and pulled on the socks, before grabbing his clothes and opening the curtain, taking the stack to a locker, feeling his pants pocket to make sure his phone was still in there.

Once his stuff was secured, he went back to the head of the room and sat in the row of chairs that faced the door.

A minute or so later, a woman came in, dressed in one of the green gowns and fuzzy socks. 

She smiled at him as she passed to open her locker and slipped into one of the stalls, but before she could return, another woman stuck her head in the opened doorway and called his name.

He stood to meet her, and she reached out to shake his hand, dressed in the same purple scrubs as the woman before her. She was tall and slender, and her red hair was pulled back into a high pony tail at the back of her head.

She told him, “I’m Mandy, I’m the tech working with the radiologist today.”

“Hi, I’m Danny,” he told her, shaking her hand in turn.

“So, I know this is your prelim appointment…if you have any questions, please ask at any time.”

She indicated the room with her head and said, “each day after you check in downstairs, you will come up and head back here to change into a robe and socks and wait to be called to your treatment room. 

You can follow me.”

She led him down the same hall he came in through, but farther away from the exit and to another corner. 

Once around he saw another hall lined with doors every ten feet or so, three on each side and she stopped at the second to the right, which was numbered with a four above the closed entry.

“You’ll be in this treatment room for the duration of your radiotherapy. We use the same room because this machine will be calibrated for your specific treatment needs. 

Come on in.”

The room was large and cool and dim, the only lights above the huge machine that took up the center of the room. 

Along the back wall he saw another alcove partitioned by a glass wall and behind the closed door a man sat at the large console, but he looked up and smiled at Danny when Mandy rapped on the glass.

“That is Dr. Congdon,” she told him, “he is your radiotherapist oncologist, but you will probably be seeing more of me than him. 

Today he will he taking the images we need for the measurements to position the machine correctly. 

The process usually takes about an hour, but once the machine is calibrated, and you return for treatment, the actual time will be about fifteen minutes, in fact, it takes about the same amount of time to get you positioned correctly, so figure about a half an hour for each visit. 

Do you have any questions?”

He had plenty, but none were coming to mind, so he shook his head.

Dr. Congdon came from the other room and reached forward to shake his hand, to introduce himself. 

He too wore purple scrubs, but a crisp, white, lab coat, covered them and he was a bit older than Danny, a little round around the middle, but he had a pleasant and open face with laugh lines by his eyes and a bushy mustache under his nose.

“If you have no questions, let’s get started…I’m going to ask you to come over and get up on the table.”

The man pulled a handled step stool from the corner of the room and held Danny’s elbow as he climbed up the two steps and turned to sit.

Mandy grabbed a small pillow and what looked to be foam pieces from a cabinet and told him to, “lie back.”

So, he shifted and swung his legs up and onto the table, leaning back and sinking into the pillow she placed under his head and then she asked, “how’s your knee feeling? Do you think you can tolerate some elevation?”

“It’s not been bothering me, so that should be okay,” he said and watched as she took a piece of foam shaped in a cylinder and lifted first his left knee and then his right until both were resting on the cushioned material. 

“If anything doesn’t feel comfortable, you need to let us know,” Mandy told him as she and the doctor continued to adjust and position his body, using the foam wedges to support him where needed. “You will have to stay completely still during the treatment, so we will make any needed adjustment today,” 

He nodded his head, looking up into the large, flat, disk that hung over him from the arm of the machine and took a deep and steadying breath, reminding himself that the room was wide open and that there was plenty of space between him and the top of the machine.

“So, now I am going to take a few pictures to make sure your positioning is good,” the doctor said, untying his robe and opening it along the front, tucking each side in along his sides. 

He felt a sweep of embarrassment as he laid mostly naked, but Mandy pulled a green sheet from somewhere in the room and covered him with it from hips to toes, handing something solid and rounded to the doctor. 

“In order to protect your remaining testis, we use this,” he showed Danny the device that had a small opening at the top. 

He flipped a clip and then pulled back the blanket and pushed gently on Danny’s thigh until he could get the thing between his legs and then he carefully picked up Danny’s remaining ball and slipped it inside the shield, snapping the clip back into place and laying the whole thing carefully back down again. “Is that comfortable…anything pinching?”

“It’s ah…it’s okay.”

“I know it feels weird, but believe me, in a day or two you won’t even notice it.

Now, you are going to hear a buzzing sound and see some flashing red lasers. They are there to make sure we are only targeting the lymph nodes at the back of your abdomen. 

This machine uses a blocking system to direct the beam, so we won’t be needing any kind of lead shields like in a traditional x-ray, but the blocking will protect your organs and everything else besides the targeted lymph nodes. 

Once we know that the alignment is correct, I will be placing four very small tattoos low on your belly as a marker for the machine. They are done with a medical grade black ink and injected under the skin with a very small needle.” 

Danny nodded again. 

He had been told about that permanent change to his body, but had been assured that the marks were no bigger than a freckle and he already had plenty of those, so a few more spots shouldn’t bother him.

Mandy told him, “you’re doing great,” patting his leg through the blanket as they both moved to the windowed room and shut the door behind them.

An intercom was activated, and Dr. Congdon’s tinny voice said, “give me a thumbs up if you can hear me.”

Danny did and then the doctor said, “okay, here comes the pictures I was talking about. 

Just relax and breathe normally.”

The machine moved above him, humming in a high-pitched whine as it passed over him. 

The disk moved in closer and then pulled back, tilting on it’s axis before moving in closer again. 

Danny closed his eyes as the minutes passed and then, finally, the machine powered down and was silent.

Both the doctor and tech came back into the room.

Danny watched as Mandy moved to the bed and Dr. Congdon went to one of the cabinets along the far wall.

Mandy asked, “how do your arms feel at your sides…do you want to try them above your head?”

Before he could answer, she pulled first his right and then his left arm above his head to rest on the table and waited as he decided if that was a better position than resting them at his sides.

He shook his head though, and brought his arms back down, because he had been shot through his right shoulder, and whenever he slept with that arm over his head, it would begin to ache, and he would have to shift, and he just didn’t want to take the chance.

“Okay, so we will stick with them by your sides. When you come back on Monday, you will get up onto the table and we will use the lasers and markings to align the machine. You will have the support under you neck and knees. Is everything still feeling comfortable?”

“Yeah…I think I can hold this position comfortably.”

“Good,” Dr. Congdon told him, checking his wrist watch. “You’ve already been in this position for over half an hour and the actual treatment will only be ten to fifteen minutes…now, I am going to make the little marks on your skin and we should be done for today.”

He moved closer to Danny, gloved hand holding what looked like a regular hypodermic, but its contents were murky and dark. 

Mandy pulled the sheet covering his hips even lower, exposing the very top of his pubic bone and the curly hair that grew there and used a cotton ball dipped into something wet and cold to clean his skin.

“You’re gonna feel a little pinch, but this is a very small needle, so it won’t hurt as much as say, giving a blood sample,” the doctor told him as he injected Danny with the dye and he was right

Danny felt a little pinch and then a few others and soon it was over, and the doctor was moving away towards the glassed room, Mandy following behind, telling him, ‘just one more picture and then you are done for the day.”

Soon the machine whined back to life, but it only took seconds before it died down again and the doctor was coming back into the room, saying, “Mandy will be getting you situated from here and I will meet you and your partner in my office as soon as you’ve finished changing.”

He reached over to shake Danny’s hand once again and even though Danny felt exposed, lying down and half naked, he took the offered hand.

“Ok, Danny…let’s get you out of here.”

He was onboard with that plan and waited patiently as she pulled a box from a cubby along the other wall.

It was the first time that Danny had even noticed them.

She picked up the folder sitting on top of it and opened it, pealing a label from one of the pages in his chart and affixed it to the box so that it had his patient information printed on it. 

She then lifted the sheet covering him and reached between his legs, unclipping the thing that enclosed his remaining ball and he was surprised to realize he had, in fact, forgotten about it.

She placed it in his box, along with the foam pieces that propped him up here and there, and the small pillow that was under his head, and then closed the thing up and stuck it back in the cubby, and then she pulled his gown up and over him, so that he could tie the ties. 

Once he had done that, she pulled the sheet off him and stuffed it in a bin near the door and then offered her hand, so he could sit up.

She brought back the step stool and took his hand as he climbed down off the table and he wondered if maybe he should be worried about dizziness being a side effect of radiation. 

“Do you remember your way back to the changing room?”

“Yeah, I can find my way.’

“Good, go get changed and then go back through the waiting room and take the elevator up a floor. 

Dr. Congdon’s office is to the right and I will see you on Monday.”

He thanked her, walking briskly to the changing room and opening his locker to retrieve his clothes, hurrying through pulling off the robe and fuzzy socks, tossing them into the hamper in the changing cubicle, feeling a little more like himself as he dressed in his work clothes.

Once changed, he passed three more people, a woman and two men, waiting in the bank of chairs, on his way out of the room, but he didn’t stop to acknowledge them like he normally would and didn’t want to really think about why that may have been.

He found Steve, waiting in the front row of chairs for him.

His partner stood and smiled when he saw Danny moving toward him and pulled him into a hug once he got within arm’s reach, which Danny took the time to enjoy.

He was chilled from being in that room and Steve felt warm against him.

He tilted his face up and kissed Steve too, before breaking the embrace and taking Steve’s hand to pull him toward the door.

He told Steve, “I need to go see Dr. Congdon about the details of the treatment plan, but then we can go.”

Steve nodded, following behind as Danny led them to the elevator and up a floor. 

They found the Oncologist’s office at the end of the hall, his waiting room windows overlooking trees and flowering plants and Danny felt his nerves settle as they both sat to wait to be called by the receptionist.

It didn’t take long for the doctor to be ready to see them and the man shook both their hands before asking them to sit in the two brown leather chairs that faced the plain wooden desk he sat behind, folding his hands and looking toward Danny.

“I have carefully reviewed your chart Danny, the lab results and the recent blood work and I agree with Dr. Kalani’s assessment.”

Steve reached across the short distance and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, reminding him that he was not alone in all of this. 

Danny was expecting the news, but his heart was still beating a little too fast in his chest and the hand holding Steve’s was clammy…he took in a deep breath and tried to calm down.

His doctor went on, “Your histology report confirms you had a Stage 1A Seminomas GCT, contained within the testis, but we can’t confirm if cancerous cells have spread to the retroperitoneum, which is why radiotherapy has been recommended.”

Danny took in another steadying breath then, not knowing what the recommended length of treatment would be, now that observation was off the table and wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out.

“I suggest fifteen rounds, with weekends off and then a reassessment, which will include bloodwork, chest x-ray and CT scan.”

Fifteen rounds? 

“For the first two years you will need to see me every three months, as most reoccurrence happen within the first two years.”

Oh God, reoccurrence…at the frantic thought he felt Steve squeeze his hand a little tighter and glanced his lover’s way, knowing that the news was just as upsetting to Steve, so he gave a little squeeze back and turned back to tune into what Dr. Congdon was explaining.

“After that, every six months for the next three years and after that, you will officially be declared cancer free and will only have to follow up once year.

Radiotherapy starts Monday. Now…” the doctor opened a page on his computer and then continued, “I would suggest afternoon appointments, because I know you want to continue to work during treatment and even though side effects are usually mild, you may experience some fatigue, and skin irritation and because the targeted lymph nodes are in your abdomen, nausea is a real possibility, so if you come for treatment in the late afternoon, you can go home after and rest…I can get you in at three thirty, Monday through Friday for the next three weeks…” he looked up from his computer and asked, “does that work for you?” 

Danny nodded as Steve said, “we will make it work.”

“Okay, then…” Dr. Congdon typed on his key board and then gave them his full attention, asking, “do you have any questions for me?”

They had both read and reread the packet of information Dr. Kalani had sent home with him and thought he had a good idea of what to expect, so he shook his head and said, “I probably will come up with some, but for now, I can’t think of anything, can you, Steve?”

When Danny turned his way, Steve was already shaking his head, so Danny said, “Then, I guess I will be back on Monday.”

“Yes,” Dr. Congdon said, “Mandy will be your radiotherapist the whole fifteen rounds and she will consult with me throughout and I will see you in three months unless you need to see me before then.”

They both shook the doctor’s hand and left the office, quiet on the elevator ride down and out to the garage.

Once in their seats, Steve asked, “do you want something to eat, baby?”

Danny wasn’t hungry, but he knew he should eat, so he said, “let’s go back to yours and put some steaks on the grill…maybe take off early, you know, if the boss okays it.”

Steve smiled as he put the truck into reverse and backed out of the spot, telling him, “I think that can be arranged.”

Truthfully, Danny was a little relieved to not be going back to work…this past week…had been hard on them both, and even though he tried to act as normally as possible, he still caught Kono giving him thoughtful glances and both Chin and Lou had asked separately if everything was alright and Danny just couldn’t…he couldn’t deal with other people right now.

A break before the new work week would be welcomed and he had to come up with some strategy to explain why he would be leaving early every day and why he may be more tired than usual, and he knew that more questioned would be asked, whether he liked it or not.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to share with them, it was that he was just hoping that he wouldn’t have too.

He couldn’t imagine telling his mom, breaking her heart over the prospect of losing another child, or having to break the news to his dad, who was always so strong, but had cried like a baby when Danny had to tell him that Matt had been murdered. 

What would that news do to his sisters and just the idea of telling his children that their dad was sick…and that he might die, made him tear up and so, he would wait. 

He couldn’t tell his friends and not his family, even if his friends were just as dear to him.

He would go to his treatments and do all his follow ups and maybe, just maybe by the end of it all, he wouldn’t have anything to tell.

Steve squeezed his hand to get his attention and Danny glanced his way, taking in the slight smile and the beautiful face and wished like hell that Steve was just as in the dark as the rest of his family, but was also so very grateful that he knew, because Steve was strong and pigheaded and just as stubborn as Danny and he didn’t think that he could battle his cancer on his own.

“I love you,” he told Steve, “you know that, don’t you?”

Steve slowed for the turning red light and put the truck in park and reached over and pulled Danny to him, kissing him soundly before telling him, “Yeah, baby…I do know that, and I love you too.”

A horn blared somewhere behind them, but neither of them cared. 

The light went from red to green to yellow to red again before they pulled apart and Steve put his truck in drive and moved through the intersection.

Danny reached over and took Steve’s hand again and said, “lets just stay in this weekend…just me and you…rest and eat and watch tv and stay in bed.”

And Steve readily agreed, “I like the sound of that”, probably thinking, like Danny that this would be their last normal weekend for a while.

Because on Monday, their lives will be even more changed, and the fight of his life will begin. 

H50H50H50


End file.
